Like many of you, i'm scared.
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Well day by day my skin is getting worse. It hasn't looked this bad since before my first course of accutane over a decade ago. Today I think I only stopped crying for 30 minutes total. Went through 5 boxes of kleenex. I refuse to leave my house. I barely leave my room. Nothing has changed in my skin regimen. I thought my skin would get better once I stopped drinking, not worse.
Honestly it isn't even worth it to me anymore. I don't care how vain I sound. I truly think only people who've had severe acne/skin problems the majority of their lives to understand how debilitating this is. I've given up taking care of myself. I'm still not drinking. But I barely shower now or wash my face. I don't really eat and i'm dropping weight like crazy. Stopped brushing my teeth. I just don't see the point in trying if i'm just getting uglier every day even when I was taking good care of myself.
Honestly it isn't even worth it to me anymore. I don't care how vain I sound. I truly think only people who've had severe acne/skin problems the majority of their lives to understand how debilitating this is. I've given up taking care of myself. I'm still not drinking. But I barely shower now or wash my face. I don't really eat and i'm dropping weight like crazy. Stopped brushing my teeth. I just don't see the point in trying if i'm just getting uglier every day even when I was taking good care of myself.
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I suffer from psorasis and other skin stuff.
I know it's hard to deal with emotionally, and how it zaps self esteem, but these things really can be managed, given a little time.
Not showering etc will only make this stuff worse, yeah?
D
I know it's hard to deal with emotionally, and how it zaps self esteem, but these things really can be managed, given a little time.
Not showering etc will only make this stuff worse, yeah?
D
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If I shower I have to look in a mirror. Not worth it. I'm sick of crying. My skin regimen hasn't failed me once. Not even when I was drinking heaviest. Of course it fails now when the last thing I need in the world is to feel like there's no hope or reason for me to try and save my life.
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I would have to pin the towel up. I share a bathroom with my brother. That would be irritating to hang a towel and take it down every single time. I used to think clean skin was important until I realized even doing that plus using my prescription skin creams + changing my sheets and pillowcases frequently didn't make a difference anymore. Maybe eventually i'll get nauseous enough from my own stench i'll give it a go.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Hi Relena,
I'm so sorry to hear how bad things are for you right now. It's easy to say things will get better, but I know that's not much comfort right now.
I don't know much about skin conditions, other than having had very bad acne as a teenager and knowing how much bad skin can affect your confidence.
But one thing I do know is that alcohol dehydrates your skin and robs it of essential vitamins, so whatever is happening right now is not because you stopped drinking. Clearly you were hoping that stopping would make it better which hasn't happened (so far), but I hope you won't find yourself thinking that you might as well drink and see if it will get better. Or worse, drink because you're losing hope again.
Can you go back to your doctor and see if there are any approaches to treating your skin that you haven't tried yet? See what advice they might have? I can't offer any, but hopefully you will find a way to get your skin condition under control.
As a first step, though, I'd get back to taking care of yourself. Letting yourself go like you've been doing can just spiral your mood downwards. In my bathroom the mirror fogs up when the hot shower has been running long enough. Could you just turn it on full hot for a minute or two before going in? No need for hanging towels then.
I'm so sorry to hear how bad things are for you right now. It's easy to say things will get better, but I know that's not much comfort right now.
I don't know much about skin conditions, other than having had very bad acne as a teenager and knowing how much bad skin can affect your confidence.
But one thing I do know is that alcohol dehydrates your skin and robs it of essential vitamins, so whatever is happening right now is not because you stopped drinking. Clearly you were hoping that stopping would make it better which hasn't happened (so far), but I hope you won't find yourself thinking that you might as well drink and see if it will get better. Or worse, drink because you're losing hope again.
Can you go back to your doctor and see if there are any approaches to treating your skin that you haven't tried yet? See what advice they might have? I can't offer any, but hopefully you will find a way to get your skin condition under control.
As a first step, though, I'd get back to taking care of yourself. Letting yourself go like you've been doing can just spiral your mood downwards. In my bathroom the mirror fogs up when the hot shower has been running long enough. Could you just turn it on full hot for a minute or two before going in? No need for hanging towels then.
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Thank you both for your responses. Luckily that thought hasn't crossed my mind about drinking alcohol since i'm still ugly anyways. I really truly still don't want to drink. I'm still eating very healthy when I do eat. Things like quinoa, kale, chicken, black beans etc
I'm sorry you had terrible acne as a teen, I did as well. Took accutane and since I was 10 years old i've only spent 3 of those years acne free. I'm almost 28. It's frustrating beyond belief.
The thing is, I don't really see the point in going back to my dermatologist. The reason I was finally desperate enough to take accutane was because I had tried everything. Nothing else worked. It's still the same story. I have treatment resistant acne.
If I was even lucky enough to find a doctor to prescribe it to me again, it might kill me with the damage i've done to my liver these past 3 years. Also I could never afford it without insurance. All I can do is hope for the best and that one day I might finally grow out of it. Or just accept the fact that i'll always be gross.
I finally saved up enough money to get the ultrasound of my liver so i'll be doing that on Monday. I've been having abdominal pain lately so i'm not looking forward to this.
I'm sorry you had terrible acne as a teen, I did as well. Took accutane and since I was 10 years old i've only spent 3 of those years acne free. I'm almost 28. It's frustrating beyond belief.
The thing is, I don't really see the point in going back to my dermatologist. The reason I was finally desperate enough to take accutane was because I had tried everything. Nothing else worked. It's still the same story. I have treatment resistant acne.
If I was even lucky enough to find a doctor to prescribe it to me again, it might kill me with the damage i've done to my liver these past 3 years. Also I could never afford it without insurance. All I can do is hope for the best and that one day I might finally grow out of it. Or just accept the fact that i'll always be gross.
I finally saved up enough money to get the ultrasound of my liver so i'll be doing that on Monday. I've been having abdominal pain lately so i'm not looking forward to this.
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Ughhh when does the crying end. I seriously cry at everything. The silver lining is at least it's not always the bad kind of crying.
For instance I can't hear most any song without crying, pretty much every movie even if i've seen it a million times, even if it's not supposed to be sad in any way makes me cry. Maybe I should try saving up money to get my hormone levels tested as well. This is getting ridiculous.
For instance I can't hear most any song without crying, pretty much every movie even if i've seen it a million times, even if it's not supposed to be sad in any way makes me cry. Maybe I should try saving up money to get my hormone levels tested as well. This is getting ridiculous.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Have you considered attending an AA meeting?
My hair got really thinned and my skin was horrible when I got sober. It all changed, like my body was getting rid of the bad and eventually it all turned around. My hair thickened and my skin cleared up.
Please do put a little effort into helping you help you by showering at least every other day.
Be kind to you. You really are worth this sobriety!!!!
Love and hugs to you,
~SB
My hair got really thinned and my skin was horrible when I got sober. It all changed, like my body was getting rid of the bad and eventually it all turned around. My hair thickened and my skin cleared up.
Please do put a little effort into helping you help you by showering at least every other day.
Be kind to you. You really are worth this sobriety!!!!
Love and hugs to you,
~SB
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Thank you. I finally did shower yesterday/brush my teeth etc. Didn't today since I didn't leave my house. Think it's been 2 weeks now since I did. So attending a meeting wouldn't be possible.
Thank you for sharing your story to me. I'm glad your hair and skin both got better. It makes me hopeful, even though I know everyone is different. I hope i'm as lucky as you. Take care.
Thank you for sharing your story to me. I'm glad your hair and skin both got better. It makes me hopeful, even though I know everyone is different. I hope i'm as lucky as you. Take care.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Hi Relena,
I hope the ultrasound you booked goes well today. Fingers crossed for that.
If I read right, you haven't left the house for 2 weeks? I know it's all circular, you feel down about yourself so don't want to go out, but the longer you stay inside, shut away from the world, the worse you feel. If at all possible, even going for a short walk around the block every day, just to force yourself to make the effort to shower and change clothes, and get a bit of fresh air and exercise, can help lift the spirits.
I don't know what to suggest about your skin trouble. I hope you won't shut yourself away from the world because of how you feel you look. I don't know if it's as bad as you think it is, or how other people really react compared to how you think they do. Is it perhaps an idea to think about therapy to help come up with strategies for coping with it, if it doesn't look like there's a short term medical fix? Your current method doesn't sound the healthiest for your mental health in the long run. Many places do have low cost counselling services available if you do a search online.
Most importantly, it's terrific that you're eating healthily and staying away from alcohol. That's such a wonderful positive step to improving your life. Huge congratulations for that.
I hope the ultrasound you booked goes well today. Fingers crossed for that.
If I read right, you haven't left the house for 2 weeks? I know it's all circular, you feel down about yourself so don't want to go out, but the longer you stay inside, shut away from the world, the worse you feel. If at all possible, even going for a short walk around the block every day, just to force yourself to make the effort to shower and change clothes, and get a bit of fresh air and exercise, can help lift the spirits.
I don't know what to suggest about your skin trouble. I hope you won't shut yourself away from the world because of how you feel you look. I don't know if it's as bad as you think it is, or how other people really react compared to how you think they do. Is it perhaps an idea to think about therapy to help come up with strategies for coping with it, if it doesn't look like there's a short term medical fix? Your current method doesn't sound the healthiest for your mental health in the long run. Many places do have low cost counselling services available if you do a search online.
Most importantly, it's terrific that you're eating healthily and staying away from alcohol. That's such a wonderful positive step to improving your life. Huge congratulations for that.
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I've shut myself away much longer than this in the past. When my acne was at it's worst I didn't leave my house for over a year. I know it's probably worse for me to isolate myself now that i'm recovering from drinking. Thank you.
On another note out of curiosity, anyone reading this thread have you ever experienced your legs turning purple? Specifically your knees? I've had this for a while but lately it's been getting much worse.
In the past when I came off accutane I was having horrible nerve pain + flushing and blushing in my face. I went to all sorts of doctors. Tested for lupus and raynaud's were both negative. They couldn't do anything for me and it was devastating. Finally the symptoms just sort of went away on their own after 3 years. Now it seems like they're back, in a different way. Now it's affecting my legs and hands. And they're purple instead of red.
Anyways, just curious since i'll have to wait to go to the doctor again until I save up the money. My doctor's clinic has to send me to some other clinic that just deals with ultrasounds and MRI's otherwise i'd try and ask them today.
On another note out of curiosity, anyone reading this thread have you ever experienced your legs turning purple? Specifically your knees? I've had this for a while but lately it's been getting much worse.
In the past when I came off accutane I was having horrible nerve pain + flushing and blushing in my face. I went to all sorts of doctors. Tested for lupus and raynaud's were both negative. They couldn't do anything for me and it was devastating. Finally the symptoms just sort of went away on their own after 3 years. Now it seems like they're back, in a different way. Now it's affecting my legs and hands. And they're purple instead of red.
Anyways, just curious since i'll have to wait to go to the doctor again until I save up the money. My doctor's clinic has to send me to some other clinic that just deals with ultrasounds and MRI's otherwise i'd try and ask them today.
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Hi Relena,
I'm sorry to hear about all the issues you've been having. I'm a woman too and just wanted to share that my skin got really bad after quitting drinking. Acne galore and a weird red bumpy rash like thing all over my chin area for months. But it got better. Alcohol really messes with your hormones and it just takes time for your body to heal and re-balance things out. You're doing the best thing you can for your body(and your skin!) by not drinking. Keep it up and don't lose hope.
I'm sorry to hear about all the issues you've been having. I'm a woman too and just wanted to share that my skin got really bad after quitting drinking. Acne galore and a weird red bumpy rash like thing all over my chin area for months. But it got better. Alcohol really messes with your hormones and it just takes time for your body to heal and re-balance things out. You're doing the best thing you can for your body(and your skin!) by not drinking. Keep it up and don't lose hope.
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Originally Posted by soberlife123 
hi relent what happened with the ultrasound? you got referred?
Thank you for asking. It was really uncomfortable. Even though my tech was so gentle. She was great. Hopefully they send the images to my doctor tomorrow and I can get a diagnosis soon. The waiting game sucks.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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I'm in the same boat.
Thank you relena for opening up. I'm going through the exact same situation. Been drinking hard for 20 years, buried my father due to liver cancer, and last month I had a seizure. First one ever. I came through but tests say my liver levels is extremely high and I'm border line diabetic. Does this mean Im doomed to die just like my father. Im only 42! supper scary. I continued to drink after the episode, my way of coping with tragedy. Not good, but what is a histrionic to do. Been sober 5 days and have to do more tests tomorrow. Im worried. Worst nightmare coming true. Dr. was vague with seizure and sad it was probably a one time thing. What if it happens again when I'm diving, or surfing or driving? Im putting peoples lives in danger. I hope your damage isn't as bad as it seems. I read the liver can regenerate with no drinking and healthy food choices. Think positive. Dr. told my father he had one year if he continued to drink. He continued to drink even more and lasted 4 years. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to write my first post. Keep me/us posted please.
Originally Posted by relena
A little background on me. I'm almost 28 years old. I didn't even have my first drop of alcohol until I was 23. I would only drink casually on the weekends for 2 years. Then I became unemployed and I spiraled out of control.
I was drinking morning, noon and night. I was adopted, but I kept in contact with my biological mother when I could. I never knew she was an alcoholic. She just died last month from liver failure at the age of 43.
Ever since then and even months before her death I had started to cut back. I would be doing so well, then go on a weekend bender and have to start all over again.
After my mother died I decided to get some bloodwork done. I was 100% sure my liver levels would be high. But they used the words "very high" and said they also wanted to do a hepatitis test and an ultrasound and refer me to a gastroenterologist. That terrified me and made me believe this was much worse than I could have ever imagined. I don't have insurance. I haven't for years. I can't afford it. I don't qualify for medicaid. So now i'm left with all of this fear and so many unanswered questions.
I started obsessively searching online, reading all about the liver. How everyone is different. Some people can drink heavily for 20 years and be fine etc. And that the liver can regenerate. I started feeling some hope. And then I remember reading someone's post on here about you can already have cirrhosis and not even show symptoms.
It makes me feel helpless. Like why even stop drinking if i've already ruined my liver to the point of no return? So I can have 5 extra years of life? 2? Who knows. I know anyone who responds is going to say you can't give medical advice. Believe me if I could afford it I would have been venting to a doctor but now I feel this is the only place I can vent. Thank you to anyone who reads this.
I was drinking morning, noon and night. I was adopted, but I kept in contact with my biological mother when I could. I never knew she was an alcoholic. She just died last month from liver failure at the age of 43.
Ever since then and even months before her death I had started to cut back. I would be doing so well, then go on a weekend bender and have to start all over again.
After my mother died I decided to get some bloodwork done. I was 100% sure my liver levels would be high. But they used the words "very high" and said they also wanted to do a hepatitis test and an ultrasound and refer me to a gastroenterologist. That terrified me and made me believe this was much worse than I could have ever imagined. I don't have insurance. I haven't for years. I can't afford it. I don't qualify for medicaid. So now i'm left with all of this fear and so many unanswered questions.
I started obsessively searching online, reading all about the liver. How everyone is different. Some people can drink heavily for 20 years and be fine etc. And that the liver can regenerate. I started feeling some hope. And then I remember reading someone's post on here about you can already have cirrhosis and not even show symptoms.
It makes me feel helpless. Like why even stop drinking if i've already ruined my liver to the point of no return? So I can have 5 extra years of life? 2? Who knows. I know anyone who responds is going to say you can't give medical advice. Believe me if I could afford it I would have been venting to a doctor but now I feel this is the only place I can vent. Thank you to anyone who reads this.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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Ultrasound
What kind of ultrasound did they do?
Originally Posted by relena
Hey that's strange I thought I posted about my results. Wow it's going to be nice when my brain actually works again.
Thank you for asking. It was really uncomfortable. Even though my tech was so gentle. She was great. Hopefully they send the images to my doctor tomorrow and I can get a diagnosis soon. The waiting game sucks.
Thank you for asking. It was really uncomfortable. Even though my tech was so gentle. She was great. Hopefully they send the images to my doctor tomorrow and I can get a diagnosis soon. The waiting game sucks.
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Location: Australia
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Welcome ChinaskiJr
I was 40 when I stopped drinking. I don't think it's ever too late to turn things around
Change
You're only doomed if you let yourself be IMO.
We shape our destiny by the decisions we make
Change isn't easy - but you'll find a lot of support and good advice here
D
I was 40 when I stopped drinking. I don't think it's ever too late to turn things around
I continued to drink after the episode, my way of coping with tragedy. Not good, but what is a histrionic to do.
You're only doomed if you let yourself be IMO.
We shape our destiny by the decisions we make
Change isn't easy - but you'll find a lot of support and good advice here
D
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 192
Originally Posted by ChinaskiJr
Thank you relena for opening up. I'm going through the exact same situation. Been drinking hard for 20 years, buried my father due to liver cancer, and last month I had a seizure. First one ever. I came through but tests say my liver levels is extremely high and I'm border line diabetic. Does this mean Im doomed to die just like my father. Im only 42! supper scary. I continued to drink after the episode, my way of coping with tragedy. Not good, but what is a histrionic to do. Been sober 5 days and have to do more tests tomorrow. Im worried. Worst nightmare coming true. Dr. was vague with seizure and sad it was probably a one time thing. What if it happens again when I'm diving, or surfing or driving? Im putting peoples lives in danger. I hope your damage isn't as bad as it seems. I read the liver can regenerate with no drinking and healthy food choices. Think positive. Dr. told my father he had one year if he continued to drink. He continued to drink even more and lasted 4 years. Thank you for sharing and allowing me to write my first post. Keep me/us posted please.
For the majority of people, yes it is a one time thing. When you abuse alcohol though it increases your chances. When you're drinking, the alcohol is screwing with your nervous system so much that if you stop or cut back improperly it can create a rebound effect in the brain. I mean i'm no doctor but that's the gist of it. Were you taking anything, mixing anything else with the drinking?
So I understand that fear. I didn't drive for an entire year. But I also haven't had a seizure since May which is awesome.
They just did a full abdominal ultrasound. Taking pictures of the entire area to look at my kidneys and liver mostly I think. I'll keep you updated. Hang in there.
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