sorrysoul

Hi all,

I have been thinking (scary, I know) and wondering where do I begin with praying? I never really have unless you count asking God to give me, give me, give me. Not sure how to go about it the right way and ask for help with this recovery/addiction thing.

I've also been thinking about starting a journal but not sure exactly what I should write in it?

Are there any phone numbers out there where you can call and talk to someone? I was wondering about that.. Small steps to start out.

Are there any books out there about drug addiction? I mean I know there are ha, and I am aware of the sticky on here with the list but looking for recommendations on the very best ones for someone starting out and needing a clue.

I am helpless I know, I've heard.

Thank you all in advance. I'm sure there's more I was wondering about but cannot remember. So many thoughts going on right now.

Dee74

Hi sorrysoul

asking for help is a good place to start with praying I think. I don;t really think there's a wrong way though

Same with a journal - whats important to you? How are you feeling? What obstacles did you meet, and beat today? All those things could be a good journal entry...

as far as books go, I got a lot out of Allen Carrs 'How To Stop Drinking' and Caroline Knapp's "Drinking: a Love Affair".

I also found the Big Book of AA a useful read

As far as numbers go, assuming you're in the US:
There will be state and city based numbers too I'm sure. Google will help you with that

This link is really great for making a recovery plan. I recommend you read it...it's worth its weight in gold

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

You can do this...one foot after the other

D

least

As far as praying goes, I find it useful to give thanks for my blessings. When I think about it, I have a lot to be thankful for.

huntingtontx

What you just wrote here is a good start for a journal. It is just about your feelings and your thoughts. Sometimes getting them out on paper really helps. There are also free online journals. I use Penzu. It is nice always having it easy to find.
Praying is talking to God, or your higher power. It is just like talking to a good friend that can help you. Being thankful for what you have will keep it positive.
There are so many good books. One of my favorites is the Bible. It is online also, as is the big book.
And never forget SR, You can post here anytime you want and you have a lot of people on the same journey as you. They understand and are always here to help.

Good luck and I am glad you are here with us.

doggonecarl

Find your nearest Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Someone will be there to help you get started.

Incontrol15

Nice post SS. Good for you reaching out and asking deep questions like praying!

I am one of those as well. I only talked to God when I needed him. Honestly, I didn't believe in God in the first place. At least in the sense that he was being presented to me. But at the same time, I thought it would be foolish of me to completely ignore the possibility. The risk of being wrong was too big. Despite that...I didn't pray.

That is until I broke down. I had dug myself into my personal hell and desperately needed out. I couldn't climb my way out on my own. I only knew how to dig deeper.

I see God in two ways now. My logical side recognizes that there is order in life. Things do happen for a reason. Not everything, but many. And there's cause and effect. If we do bad things, bad things happen. If we do good things, good things happen. So it only makes sense to follow the will of God as he represents all that is good. I'd be better off if I allow myself to be at the mercy of all that is good (God).

Those facts feed my 2nd view; my God is my loving father. My father loves me more than anyone else. My loving father WILL punish me if I do wrong so I will learn and grow. My loving father will reward me if I do good.

So there I was. After years living my life without giving even the smallest consideration of what God wanted me to do. I had lived a life of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, porn addiction, poker addiction, lying, stealing. I was about as broken as any person can be. There had simply come a day when my logical side realized that I was in my personal hell due to the choices I had made. My emotional side woke up and realized that my loving father was trying his hardest to make me better. He was punishing me because he loved me and desperately wanted me by his side. Yet, despite his best efforts, I was turning my back.

My prayer was simply an apology. I heart felt emotional apology for not accepting God's love, for all I had done wrong, and for thinking that I could live my life the way I wanted without consequence. I thanked God for not giving up on me and for his unconditional love. The only thing I asked for was his continued love and guidance.

Since then...I made it a point to talk to God. It was time I set aside to close my eyes and dedicate myself to only him. I gave him my time and my thoughts for those short few minutes. It was an internal discussion...few words really. A mix of words, feelings, and visuals. Some thoughts were out there by me, other thoughts were given to me.

Every once in a while since then, I find I begin to stray from giving God that time and opportunity to accept what he wants for me. It's like talking to another human...a mother or father. If we are not heard or listened to, we will get louder and take action if what we're trying to say is important. After a few times of not giving my father attention, I began to associate my progression directly to my willingness to give myself to him.

As others have said....just talk to your God. Show him love and appreciation. Be thankful God is a loving father and punishes you for your wrong doings. Keep talking to God. There's not a single prayer you can say for one single time that will cure everything. It's a process. The more time you set aside to recognize what is happening and why, the more you'll grow.

JOURNALING. I see a therapist who had me start journaling a few months ago. That has been a blessing as well. Really does help. The form of journaling he has me do is not about keeping a daily record or something I can look back at though. He simply has me write 3 full pages of what's in my mind first thing in the morning.

Doesn't matter what I write. Doesn't have to be logical or even have paragraphs or follow basic writing rules. I don't even have to finish sentences. It's simply the act of putting what's in my mind to paper. The only rule is, I have to fill 3 pages. If nothing comes to mind, I can write "I don't know what to write" or "there's nothing on my mind" over and over. Eventually, something comes to mind.

What this does is its drains the dirty bath water from the mind. It allows you to clear your mind. We often get stuck and keep repeating the same thoughts and feelings. These thoughts take up valuable space and do not allow new thoughts much space...if any. These new thoughts can be the answers to our biggest problems!! The goal is simply to clear your mind. Drain the dirty dish water from the sink. That's it.

From there, you're mind will automatically start filling up again. This time there will be space for solutions, ideas, and actions you can take to resolve problems. This time you'll be able to look at things differently. Maybe there are no solutions. Some things simply require you look at them differently. Starting with a fresh mind will allow you to do that.

Sorry for the long response. But your questions touched me in a sensitive way. Praying and journaling has been a true miracle for me. I hope they help you in the same way they helped me.

I am a drug abuser and and alcoholic. Ultimately the same. I was an all day drinker and was always on the look out for something to make me high. I lost my family, my job, and all my money. I thought there was no hope for me.

Fly N Buy

Welcome, glad you're with us posting friend
My prayers are usually brief and to the point. 'Help!' is one I use often

ardy

you have started on the right path.. and this group is grand.. so blog.. check on others blogs.. pour your soul and mind out on these pages .. why.. cause beans you are so safe here with so many that have the same problems... and do find a place to call and be that 3rd person inside of you and chat.. I have a chat with live person here. every so often.. they do not know who Iam or care. hung up on one young lady.. Iam in tears and her voice was ok this is a job and I have to listen. Hello... and the heart was not there. I told her off with vigor.. sorry all. but really this is a great group and
I am so glad you are here.. hugs and prayers from an old lady of the far north..

tursiops999

Hi sorrysoul --

When I was first getting sober, there were a couple simple forms of prayer that helped me. The first was "Help me", then "May I know what is good to know, may I do what is good to do".

I also started writing a short list every morning of things for which I was grateful. I see that as a form of prayer.

Welcome!

FreeOwl

on praying.... advice from my sponsor really helped me;

"In the morning, say 'Please, help me'. At bedtime, say 'Thank You'".

I found it effective, helpful and opened the door to greater understanding of prayer for me.

On jouraling.... what helped for me was an exercise called "The Morning Pages". Each morning, just write 2-3 pages. What should you write? Whatever comes to mind. Write of frustration. Write of gratitude. Write of desires. Write a description of your kitchen table.... just write, let it flow, empty your mind and clear it for the day.


There is no 'right way'
when we write
or when we pray

sorrysoul

Thank you all so much for your responses! Very helpful, I appreciate it all so much, many great ideas. I think I will start today. It is Day 1 for me and I am really struggling. I like the idea of writing in the morning, because my AV wastes no time starting in as soon as I open my eyes.
In control - I was nearly in tears reading your response, thank you so very much.

I reached out to an old friend last night about meetings she was doing back in the day, wondering if she still was. Haven't heard back yet unfortunately. I think going to a meeting would help but I am terrified of going alone.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Sorrysoul!!

Incontrol15

Oh man...
Just go to a meeting. It's like coming here. You don't even have to say anything or introduce yourself. You can lurk all you want.

What you'll find is people who are grateful for being free. People who understand you more than most.

Not all meetings are the same. So if you feel you don't like the first one, just try another.

Stay here too. We've all been where you are. You can post ANYTHING or ask ANYTHING and you will not be alone.