CurlyGirl1978

I was listening to my music, headphones on, bopping around, you know, kinda happy on a Saturday afternoon, thinking about my Day 17 (woohoo!). Haven't really felt like being happy or smiling around hubby since he called me stupid on Friday and called me out of my name, things I accepted as a drunk but see it differently now. I thought I'd go to the park with my MP3 player and walk around. He said he didn't like me boppin around and said he needed his MP3 player back as I went to leave. I told him that he gave it to me but he kept saying he never did. I offered to buy it from him and he said he didn't want my money. I said "Why? Is it because to see me unhappy is priceless?" Needless to say I ended up handing the MP3 player to him that I've been listening to since I became sober 2 weeks ago and then walked out the door, but finally he got to me. I broke down crying. "There you go!" I said. "Here's the broke down version of me you've been waiting to see!" I walked to the park and he met he halfway there with the MP3 player. At first I didn't want to take it but I did. I guess he felt that since he got the reaction from me he wanted, he could give it back. This is the insanity I've dealt with but used liquor to get through it. With open eyes, I am seeing it for what it is. Thanks for listening.

CurlyGirl1978

Oh, and if you're wondering if my AV was tempting me after that episode, absolutely! Thing is, I got through it.

Bird615

Good for you, for not turning to your old solution this time!

For me, each time I choose to do something other than follow my first instinct to drink, I get a little stronger for next time and I am able to see things a little more clearly.

entropy1964

Geez that's terrible. Is he always this way? Not just resenting right now, but always? When you're in a place of strength, maybe after a few months of recovery (or even some therapy for yourself to talk this stuff out and get another viewpoint) would he consider some counseling?

I've been in a controlling and verbally abusive relationship. It's not ok.

Jsbodhi

Aw (((((hug)))) what a jerk! ( I had better adjectives but its censored here)
Some people are miserable, please stay sober, and stay true to yourself, we're all here for you.
I read your posts and threads and you're delightful, don't let him take that from you xoxo

Hawkeye13

You know, you getting sober most likely terrifies him--
who would he dominate and push around to make himself feel bigger
if you won't be that person anymore curly girl?

Stand strong and hold the line--keep moving forward and you may find
you leave him and his abuse in the dust faster than you can imagine possible.
You are meant for better things I think--maybe you are starting to think this too?

Have a happy, self-loving day CG

CurlyGirl1978

Yes he is always. It's to the point that if something good happens in my day (a compliment, meeting a long lost friend, etc.) I don't even tell him because I know he will not give positive feedback. It seems as though he equates my happiness with my leaving him. He's pushing me there though definitely. He says no to counseling while he's taking my presence for granted but when I'd pack up and go (I've done it about 7 times in 10 years), he'd promise to go to counseling with me just so I'd come back. It never happens. I'm getting clear headed and examining my options. I've got to create a happy life for myself, that is the goal, with or without him.

Berrybean

Maybe giving it back wasn't just because he'd got the reaction he wanted. There's always a possibility that he will start to see things differently as well. Instead of drinking and covering up your hurt, you didn't drink it away and that pain showed. You felt it. And he saw it. I really hope that he gave you the player because the time you spent walking to the park gave him reflection time enough for him to realise what he had done and regret his behaviour.

*hug* - It may be worth investing in cheap MP3 player of your own though so that you don't have to risk that happening again. I know that my MP3 player can be quite an invaluable recovery tool at times, as I play recovery speakers on it on my commute. I'd be gutted if someone took it from me!

Step12

Sometimes sick people attract other sick people whether we like it or not we are sick people that doesn't mean where bad. When people around us do not like to see is happy they will go to any lengths to upset us. My boyfriend does it to in fact he's doing it right now but calling me weak minded because I'm an alcoholic. He likes to blame things on my alcoholism. Truth is only an alcoholic going to understand this. Unless he physically gets in-your-face you have every right to Bop. I understand your in a situation where he did bring you to his level. And if you're like me it's harder than hell to get back to bopping. Read some literature do something. All of this is buys is easier said than done believe me I know. Go ahead and ride the disgruntled wave because you're on it now. It doesn't mean you're weak it just means you're human and it doesn't even have anything to do with your alcoholism really has a do with this you are a person who deserves to be treated with respect.

CurlyGirl1978

Thank you for pointing out what might have been a positive thing. Maybe he did have a second thought about his behavior.

Step12

And of taking something from you is all he can do he's about 12 years old mentally right now. I'm not saying to feel sorry for anyone but just understand that he's probably scared of your happiness he's not used to it

CurlyGirl1978

Exactly.

Berrybean

What you said in another post on this thread - about him thinking you'll leave him if you get well and happy rings bells as well. My OH felt very threatened by my sobriety at first - especially as I was meeting new people at AA as well. He said a number of times ""I supposed it's just a matter of time before you leave me", and similar things.

I think it's only recently that he's accepted that my sobriety, confidence and happiness are FAR from a threat to him - and in fact they can make his life better as well. Give it time - you might be surprised at how this whole sober life and recovery can benefit you and all your relationships given time x

TurningLeaf

Hi. I can relate. At about 5 weeks sober and my relationship with my husband is changing. At first, I thought that we should just split up. So I posted about it here, and got some good advice/insight. One nugget of wisdom was that my husband only knows me as either drinking, drunk, hungover, or planning to drink. It is going to take him a while to know me so er. Another nugget was that, during recovery, we should not make any drastic changes, except for in the case of an emergency. We are in the process of changing our roles and that is hard work.

I read the message board for family members a couple of times and it's so interesting to look at it through their eyes.

Thank you for sharing - it is helpful. I wish you the best, you seem very positive and like your head is on straight!

Melina

Hugs, CurlyGirl, unfortunately I know exactly how you feel.

It's not at the point of verbal abuse but it's no fun to shrivel up from neglect. And knowing they've been affectionate in the past so it's withheld absolutely on purpose. It sucks.

entropy1964

Hi Curlygirl
It is definitely about you at this point. Get some sobriety under your belt, see a counselor yourself. Then, at a point in the future, you can decide to do what you need to protect yourself. Do you have kiddos? (sorry if that's too personal, no need to answer if that's too probing!).

TheRake

I don't know what I'd do without my ipod....I'd be left to listen to my thoughts....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoNyscdxodE

CurlyGirl1978

Oh that's not too personal. No kiddos, probably due to drinking and not caring about my fertility. Good advice to get some sobriety under my belt first.

Healthygoals

Awesome!