Thank god I'm a woman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
Thank god I'm a woman
As I apply the mask called makeup this morning I feel truly grateful that I'm a woman .... i have the option to cover the redness in my face with makeup. If I were a man ....The signs of Alcoholism would be there on show for all to see!!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
hi Adelina, I've been following your posts, I hope you are able to take the necessary steps to get out of the trap you are currently in. As most on this board will tell you it always gets worse....never better. And when you quit, things don't get better, they get "great".
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Adelina, I think that anyone can use makeup to try to cover up things but I don't believe we truly fool the world that way. Sobriety, however, can be the best makeover, it's not effortless of course but is ultimately the natural solution. I've also found that a lot of the insecurity regarding appearance was in fact anxiety and paranoia -- it all vanished quite efficiently with time spent in recovery. We typically feel crappy and intensely flawed as active alcoholics (at least I did, pretty much constantly) and want to hide it, for a good reason. I feel that in sobriety, I am much more comfortable and willing to show my real self, warts and all, because there isn't the associated guilt and shame anymore. Things can get not only better, but much more real, especially with the acceptance of reality where we no longer carry those dark secrets and resentments.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 346
Adel...the cover-up is not for them. Ya still have a little over a day? Keep pushing for a week and look in the mirror (or compare pics). You will be astounded. For me it was other folks telling me (refer back to opening sentence)...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I recall when I entered rehab 25 yrs ago
in Aug, 1990, I was a mom, wife and very
much a lady who enjoyed always looking
nice, always wore makeup, never a hair
out of place, so prim and proper.
However, I had to learn that my makeup
I wore could have been a mask I hid behind
to hide that pain, anger, resentments, and
so much more so other couldn't see it.
During a session in treatment I was asked
to show up the next day without the makeup.
I did show up with a little less than normal
because I didn't like to feel naked without it.
I grew up with a mom that was always
so perfect in her appearances and in
public, so elegant, lovely and so I followed
in that tradition myself. However, once
all that beauty was wiped away, stripped
away, I saw the ungliness of her own demons
that came out and inflicted on me throught
the yrs.
Anyway, I learned about masks we wear
when we are in our addiction. I drank to
numb all the bad feelings I harbored inside
for yrs. and make up and mask for me was
a way to hide behind so no one would ever
know how sick I was inside.
I wore makeup for a long time before,
during and after my drinking career and
eventually have let it go. Wearing makeup
isn't bad. It protects our skin from the outside
elements, sun harmful rays etc. Its an art
to me to learn how to wear it properly and
look pretty.
Now that ive gotten use to not wearing
it, my husband like me that way and
to be honest, folks that see me regularly
out in public are always glad to see me
and call me colorful and pretty with all
my lovely tattoos.
Its not the makeup that has to make
me feel pretty. Its how I feel inside. If
im serene , content, happy, sober and
honest inside, then that glow from within
comes pouring out from my smiles and
the way I carry myself.
Even tho im still guarded about allowing
people to get to close to me is my own
trust issues. Today, I am secured within
myself and refuse to let anyone try to
hurt me or mess with my own sobriety
and recovery that ive worked so hard
to establish and build my life upon.
An affective recovery program incorporate
in all areas of my life has allowed me to be
a strong, lovely, content, woman I have become
today riding free on our Road King makeup
free in the wind.
in Aug, 1990, I was a mom, wife and very
much a lady who enjoyed always looking
nice, always wore makeup, never a hair
out of place, so prim and proper.
However, I had to learn that my makeup
I wore could have been a mask I hid behind
to hide that pain, anger, resentments, and
so much more so other couldn't see it.
During a session in treatment I was asked
to show up the next day without the makeup.
I did show up with a little less than normal
because I didn't like to feel naked without it.
I grew up with a mom that was always
so perfect in her appearances and in
public, so elegant, lovely and so I followed
in that tradition myself. However, once
all that beauty was wiped away, stripped
away, I saw the ungliness of her own demons
that came out and inflicted on me throught
the yrs.
Anyway, I learned about masks we wear
when we are in our addiction. I drank to
numb all the bad feelings I harbored inside
for yrs. and make up and mask for me was
a way to hide behind so no one would ever
know how sick I was inside.
I wore makeup for a long time before,
during and after my drinking career and
eventually have let it go. Wearing makeup
isn't bad. It protects our skin from the outside
elements, sun harmful rays etc. Its an art
to me to learn how to wear it properly and
look pretty.
Now that ive gotten use to not wearing
it, my husband like me that way and
to be honest, folks that see me regularly
out in public are always glad to see me
and call me colorful and pretty with all
my lovely tattoos.
Its not the makeup that has to make
me feel pretty. Its how I feel inside. If
im serene , content, happy, sober and
honest inside, then that glow from within
comes pouring out from my smiles and
the way I carry myself.
Even tho im still guarded about allowing
people to get to close to me is my own
trust issues. Today, I am secured within
myself and refuse to let anyone try to
hurt me or mess with my own sobriety
and recovery that ive worked so hard
to establish and build my life upon.
An affective recovery program incorporate
in all areas of my life has allowed me to be
a strong, lovely, content, woman I have become
today riding free on our Road King makeup
free in the wind.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
It is such a profound relief for me that I don't have to try and hide anything anymore. I get to wake up every morning with that relief when my first thought is that I am still sober instead of hungover.
I thank my higher power every day for that.
You can have this, too.
I thank my higher power every day for that.
You can have this, too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I dated a woman once who took 2-2.5 hours every time we went anywhere to do her hair and her makeup. The makeup alone was at least an hour long process. She was young, focused on presenting the world with an image, and deeply-distressed from traumatic experiences she'd really not yet dealt with.
I am engaged to a woman who is pretty well-adjusted. She has her own anxiety and depression issues, her own childhood traumas.... but she is working on those. She is aware and moving through progress with a counselor. She seldom drinks and doesnt' do drugs. She will sometimes put on a little makeup. Often none at all. She does her hair, but it only takes a few minutes. She is who she is, behind closed doors and to the world.
The differences to me are striking, and they seem to be metaphors for the way we often live in addiction; hiding. Fearful to show the world our truth. Fearful, even, to look at ourselves deeply and honestly in the mirror (the actual and the symbolic).
I'm not judging your use of makeup... but I share these as food for thought. I think that we all - as humans - must ask ourselves at some point who we really are, who we want to be, and how we wish to feel and relate with the world. I think that as alcoholics and addicts, there are additional layers of complexity in those questions.... but the process is the same. We need to reach into ourselves, often with help, and get back to our own inner truth. Then we need to take the steps to support living that truth in the world with peace and ease and joy.
THAT is sobriety, to me. My wish for you is that you will begin that journey and find yourself. Then, may your 'Makeup' (real and metaphorical) enhance your natural beauty rather than serve as a mask to hide behind.
I am engaged to a woman who is pretty well-adjusted. She has her own anxiety and depression issues, her own childhood traumas.... but she is working on those. She is aware and moving through progress with a counselor. She seldom drinks and doesnt' do drugs. She will sometimes put on a little makeup. Often none at all. She does her hair, but it only takes a few minutes. She is who she is, behind closed doors and to the world.
The differences to me are striking, and they seem to be metaphors for the way we often live in addiction; hiding. Fearful to show the world our truth. Fearful, even, to look at ourselves deeply and honestly in the mirror (the actual and the symbolic).
I'm not judging your use of makeup... but I share these as food for thought. I think that we all - as humans - must ask ourselves at some point who we really are, who we want to be, and how we wish to feel and relate with the world. I think that as alcoholics and addicts, there are additional layers of complexity in those questions.... but the process is the same. We need to reach into ourselves, often with help, and get back to our own inner truth. Then we need to take the steps to support living that truth in the world with peace and ease and joy.
THAT is sobriety, to me. My wish for you is that you will begin that journey and find yourself. Then, may your 'Makeup' (real and metaphorical) enhance your natural beauty rather than serve as a mask to hide behind.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
I recall when I entered rehab 25 yrs ago in Aug, 1990, I was a mom, wife and very much a lady who enjoyed always looking nice, always wore makeup, never a hair out of place, so prim and proper. However, I had to learn that my makeup I wore could have been a mask I hid behind to hide that pain, anger, resentments, and so much more so other couldn't see it. During a session in treatment I was asked to show up the next day without the makeup. I did show up with a little less than normal because I didn't like to feel naked without it. I grew up with a mom that was always so perfect in her appearances and in public, so elegant, lovely and so I followed in that tradition myself. However, once all that beauty was wiped away, stripped away, I saw the ungliness of her own demons that came out and inflicted on me throught the yrs. Anyway, I learned about masks we wear when we are in our addiction. I drank to numb all the bad feelings I harbored inside for yrs. and make up and mask for me was a way to hide behind so no one would ever know how sick I was inside. I wore makeup for a long time before, during and after my drinking career and eventually have let it go. Wearing makeup isn't bad. It protects our skin from the outside elements, sun harmful rays etc. Its an art to me to learn how to wear it properly and look pretty. Now that ive gotten use to not wearing it, my husband like me that way and to be honest, folks that see me regularly out in public are always glad to see me and call me colorful and pretty with all my lovely tattoos. Its not the makeup that has to make me feel pretty. Its how I feel inside. If im serene , content, happy, sober and honest inside, then that glow from within comes pouring out from my smiles and the way I carry myself. Even tho im still guarded about allowing people to get to close to me is my own trust issues. Today, I am secured within myself and refuse to let anyone try to hurt me or mess with my own sobriety and recovery that ive worked so hard to establish and build my life upon. An affective recovery program incorporate in all areas of my life has allowed me to be a strong, lovely, content, woman I have become today riding free on our Road King makeup free in the wind.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I dated a woman once who took 2-2.5 hours every time we went anywhere to do her hair and her makeup. The makeup alone was at least an hour long process. She was young, focused on presenting the world with an image, and deeply-distressed from traumatic experiences she'd really not yet dealt with. I am engaged to a woman who is pretty well-adjusted. She has her own anxiety and depression issues, her own childhood traumas.... but she is working on those. She is aware and moving through progress with a counselor. She seldom drinks and doesnt' do drugs. She will sometimes put on a little makeup. Often none at all. She does her hair, but it only takes a few minutes. She is who she is, behind closed doors and to the world. The differences to me are striking, and they seem to be metaphors for the way we often live in addiction; hiding. Fearful to show the world our truth. Fearful, even, to look at ourselves deeply and honestly in the mirror (the actual and the symbolic). I'm not judging your use of makeup... but I share these as food for thought. I think that we all - as humans - must ask ourselves at some point who we really are, who we want to be, and how we wish to feel and relate with the world. I think that as alcoholics and addicts, there are additional layers of complexity in those questions.... but the process is the same. We need to reach into ourselves, often with help, and get back to our own inner truth. Then we need to take the steps to support living that truth in the world with peace and ease and joy. THAT is sobriety, to me. My wish for you is that you will begin that journey and find yourself. Then, may your 'Makeup' (real and metaphorical) enhance your natural beauty rather than serve as a mask to hide behind.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
Originally Posted by adelina123
As I apply the mask called makeup this morning I feel truly grateful that I'm a woman .... i have the option to cover the redness in my face with makeup. If I were a man ....The signs of Alcoholism would be there on show for all to see!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
without the mask, maybe you'd see the signs better yourself?
i'm not being sarcastic.
i'm a woman who never used makeup and seeing the signs every time i glanced (you bet i didn't really look) in a mirror was always a grimacing experience.
wanting to hide myself...yeah. did it for decades, without the makeup.
what blessed relief to have the "signs" disappear along with the need to hide when i stopped and stayed that way.
i'm not being sarcastic.
i'm a woman who never used makeup and seeing the signs every time i glanced (you bet i didn't really look) in a mirror was always a grimacing experience.
wanting to hide myself...yeah. did it for decades, without the makeup.
what blessed relief to have the "signs" disappear along with the need to hide when i stopped and stayed that way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Adelina, have you been able to stop drinking?
Sharon, I love your post. I can so relate. My mother was very much like yours, just perfect in her appearance, and she taught me that all that mattered was how you looked, how you dressed, nothing else was important. It took me a long, long time to recover from that.
Sharon, I love your post. I can so relate. My mother was very much like yours, just perfect in her appearance, and she taught me that all that mattered was how you looked, how you dressed, nothing else was important. It took me a long, long time to recover from that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by Aellyce
I feel that in sobriety, I am much more comfortable and willing to show my real self, warts and all, because there isn't the associated guilt and shame anymore.
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