Plssomeonehelp

I have no idea how I'm still alive right now. I'm so broken inside. I've lost my drive in life. I used to live so healthy and work out and have somewhat of a healthy mind. I have tanked completely. I have dived off the deep end. I need someone who can truly help me get over this addiction because it has consumed me so hard recently. I used to enjoy life for the most part but I am struggling so bad it's scaring the **** out of me. I used to be able to handle drinking and thought I had control over it even after getting multiple dui's and going to jail for long periods of time over stupid things I did under this demon of a substance. I've lost all of my motivation. All I want to do is sleep when I get home from work but I can't sleep because I have to constantly take swigs of liquor to keep myself from going completely insane. I store alcohol in my clothes just to make sure I can keep myself drunk all day and night wherever I am. I'm so used to this evil **** that no one even knows I'm on it. I've gone through so many scary periods of trying to detox myself as well and it has always been hell with satan laughing in my face. I've gone to group therapy and AA meetings but because I'm such a nervous wreck, I can't bring myself to go through the steps or get a sponsor. I have tried to get help from several alternative sources recently as well but my insurance hardly covers anything so it's been such a struggle. I love life and I love people. I constantly focus on the horrible things that can happen in life though which is one of the main reasons I drink. I find humor in everything as well and laugh a lot. I'm constantly torn between having the best time ever and being on the verge of death with fear. If I don't get serious help soon though I'm going to die because I'm literally drinking all day and all night.

Venecia

Welcome. This is a place of great hope, one many credit for their continued sobriety.

It all starts with putting down the bottle. You can do this.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

We do understand how hard and scary this is.

It sounds like you will need to go to a detox center so you have medical supervision to get off alcohol. You can probably begin by talking to your dr or by going to a hospital ER.

There is a way out of this pain and we are here to offer support.

colagirl

I hear you, and I understand. Many of us have been where you are. It sounds like you really need a medical detox. I think once you've gotten the alcohol out of your system you'll find it easier to apply yourself to recovery. Can you find a hospital or detox center in your area and go there?

LBrain

welcome to the forum, are you able to get to an ER?

If I may be so bold, what is "work" that you are able to drink all day and all night and still function? Can your work help out?

On The Road

Welcome. Please stop drinking and get the medical help you need. Once the poison's out of your system, you can begin to set up a plan to get off the crazy train and stay sober.

But first things first. You can do this.

Notimetoloose

Hi and welcome Plssomeonehelp.
We are here with you...and you have more power than you realize.
It takes work, but it is worthwhile work and it gets better relatively quickly.

Have you seen a doctor? It is a good idea, he can assess your potential withdrawal.

AVRT, gave me the tools I needed to take control of my addictive voice and get the ball rolling on my recovery. It is something worth looking into....Take care.

Plssomeonehelp

Thanks everyone. I've been reading a few posts on the forum and already feel so relieved that all this suffering can go away. I went to a hospital on monday and had an evaluation. They weren't able to do much but tell me to go see a doctor. I have an appointment for the 10th of December. That feels so far away though. Are work places ok with you going through detox and letting you still come back afterwards? Does anyone have any experience with that?

Plssomeonehelp

I am apprenticing as an electrician btw for the person who asked. I get driven around by the journeymen I work with and I have lots of free time by myself on jobs a lot of the time. I don't have a whole lot of responsibilities either so I can stand around ******** drunk and no one will even notice.

On The Road

Please get medical help ASAP. Don't wait weeks.

As for work, you'll need to check with HR and see if you have an EAP (employee assistance program) benefit and how it works. . .

Wishing you the best.

LBrain

don't fool yourself, they notice - and it could hurt your career...

As long as you are past the "trial period" or probationary time, your work cannot dismiss you for a bonafide medical condition. And that means under a doctor's care.
What are your plans for stopping drinking now? Staying stopped?
Most of us have struggled. And as you have noticed, we got through it. It takes some time, but it gets easier every day. You just gotta make up your mind to do it.

And yes, inquire about EAP through your HR.

least

Welcome! To stay sober you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. It's hard, but very possible. I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.

colagirl

You could also look into an FMLA leave, depending on whether your company falls under it (usually if there are 50 or more employees in a location, I think, but I'm not sure). That might protect your job if you needed to take time off for detox and/or rehab.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Plssomeonehelp

Please do take a breath and try to re;ax - you've found an amazing help for support, advice and hope.

Many of us can remember back to feeling like you do - you're not alone - and there is, absolutely life after drinking...and it's great

It all starts with putting the bottle down and keeping it down.

Some days that's minute by minute...but you can get through, and move on to the next day...it will get easier

If you're struggling, please do come here and post and ask for help as much as you need to.

D

DoubleFelix

Hi and welcome, pls, I'm glad you posted!

I know you are worried about your job, but I want to add that, while important, jobs come and go - but our lives don't. I encourage you to seek any and all help you can get, even if it complicates things with your employment. Like others have said, there is life after drinking, and it's waiting for you. You can do this!

Soberween

You are just going to have to bite the bullet and get a sponsor. It isn't that nerve wracking. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Find someone that has what you want and ask them to be your sponsor. It will give you accountability. Right now it sounds like the only person you have to report into is yourself and you need more than that to get on the path to recovery. All you need to do for today is be willing.

entropy1964

Hi and welcome. I can only share my experience when I was so desperate and didn't know where to turn. I went to the ER to start detox and then transferred to a state funded detox center for a week. It helped me get the medical and psychological support I needed to start thinking clearly. I have no insurance. Maybe start there. It worked for me. Hang in there.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR bud

Meraviglioso

Hi and welcome. It sounds like you are in a pretty miserable spot and that drinking is only providing you more misery. I hope you will take the advice you have been given here and get yourself to the ER for detox. The staff at the hospital will then be able to help you find a rehab center that can help you after the initial detoxification is done.
I'm so glad you found us, I hope you will stick around and really give sobriety everything you've got.

tomsteve

i worked in the trades for quite a few years and will say this is a lie. very easy to tell when someones drunk or on drugs.
it will be noticed and terrible excuse to be drunk on the job.

if you truly want to get sober, all ya have to do is go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when getting another drink.
it would be wise to start that zeal with surreder-your ways havent worked. putting stipulations on how and when havent worked. it reads like ya need detox. so imo your best option is to get lookin for a detox center that can take ya in.

you can get sober, get rid of the mental mayhem,get your drive for life back, and become a healthy, active member of society again and ya deserve it.