GoesWithTheFlow

I been mingling around here and trying to be supportive of my peers that struggle. I sort of had a couple beers earlier today... I went in with no intention of getting any beers, just some pizza and a soda. But my bud saw me and before I could say anything he was already pouring my beer in a glass. I felt awkward saying anything... yes that is a silly reason to accept the beverage but I did and then got another one.

I didn't immediately struggle when I was sipping on the beer. I felt somewhat in control during. The struggle came 1 hour after I stopped the intake. My AV kept saying "hey, your buzz is wearing down... why don't you get another beer just across the street" or "before driving back home maybe just get one more for the road and get some food."

My AV continues playing with me. "You are coming back to sin city tomorrow.. after meeting with the TA get some pizza and beer even better treat your TA to some pizza and a pitcher "; "After your mid-term Friday you deserve some sake bombs and a couple beers."

Obviously, this failure is my fault. I was up late preparing for econ so I didn't prepare lunch like I wanted. I woke up late because I was up late so I didn't prepare lunch in morning. At my university food isn't the best so I didn't want to eat there anymore and hence want my own lunch. My strategy will be to prepare lunch and snacks the night before so I don't have to leave campus. I guess I am lucky my campus is a dry one; didn't always feel that way.

The apologies are for those I have disappointed and to my peers I tried to support and be an example. I will continue to strive for improvement.

badger257

No need for apologies...you are back. And that very commendable!

Dee74

No need for apologies to me either GWTF - but I think you really need to challenge the notion that you were in control at any point during the events you describe.

You don't 'sorta have' 2 beers.

You gave in and let your addiction win....and without much of a fight, it seems?

If that sounds harsh I'm sorry - but that's exactly the way you have to look at this if you ever want things to change.

Your sobriety is worth fighting for - who ever it is you want to be is worth fighting for too.

If you need to make more changes to your lifestyle make them. If you need to find more support, or make better use of the support you have then do that too.

But you can't 'kinda sorta' do this recovery thing IMO...

Either you're in or you're out...y'know?


D

zombob

Preparation....you said it. One would not leave on a long road trip w/out gassing up, a map, some snacks and a firm resolve to getting to destination unless of course they were making a BS movie that promotes wanton behavior with a happy ending (big list of those out there and they are popular for the same reason star wars is--it's fantasy with a just, happy ending). Watched Paper Towns the other night, a book written for and loved enough by tweens and one my 13 yr old was engrossed in at the time. (I critiqued it rather harshly as I did Titanic when my sons were growing up. In a nutshell: 'yer way too young to even have a clue what luv is and have plenty of time to find out--save yourself). So now you know. Onward.

Soberwolf

I'm seconding Dee74's post bud

entropy1964

I'm glad you came right back. The obsession with alcohol is so powerful...it simply isn't worth the couple of drinks just to turn it back on full speed. It may take you a week or so for the compulsion to die down. Just remember the basics. One moment at a time, the next right thing.

sva777

Great that you realize your slip and are moving forward.

About your friend pouring you a beer, there is no reason to feel bad for refusing it in the future if it happens again. My mom has never drank because her dad had a problem and she was scared to ever touch it, if someone poured her some she would not think twice to reject it. This wouldn't even seem weird to her because she doesn't touch the stuff, she never accepts just to make someone feel good.

This is your health and well being at stake if your friend is a true friend their feelings will not get hurt and if they are not a true friend then who cares.

Anna

No need for apologies and it sounds like you learned a valuable lesson. Plan ahead and prepare is the way to go.

doggonecarl

You lost some sober time a ways back and now it seems that you are struggling to get traction on sobriety. It's why SR members are often plain talking when it comes to relapse (read, harsh). The one beer slip...the one week of binge drinking--one is no less dangerous than the other because the common element is that addiction has gotten its hooks in you, and as you are finding out, hard to disentangle.

Have you fully accepted that NEVER drinking again is the solution, or do you somewhere inside hold out hope that you can drink?

GoesWithTheFlow

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and Dee this is how I feel: Dee is mad at me lol jk

Doggone, I felt that I have accepted to never drink again. I felt that I would succeed but how weak my resolve was when it came to it. Honestly, I don't think the belief that I can moderate will ever leave, it seems some who have been sober a while the thought pops up but they dismiss it.

I felt mentally prepared and had been dismissing all thoughts of drinking that came... then yesterday in less than a second. The fault was going to the place my friend works. The pizza is good and he always give me discounts; I was feeling cheap.

Need27

Sometimes we slip on the way to recovery but then all that's left to do is pick yourself up again

Jsbodhi

Glad you're back!
Xoxo

Its scary getting trouble from Dee for drinking!! Haha

Saskia

Glad you came back! For me, avoiding situations where I might be tempted to drink helped a lot. I did that for a good part of a year while building my sober muscles. Addiction can be hard to overcome and some of us need more help to do that. Think about what else you need. For some it's AA, for some it's inpatient or outpatient rehab, etc. I had a difficult time imagining being sober forever. Now I can't imagine going back to drinking again.