Triple digits!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Triple digits!
Long one, but mainly to just get my thoughts down...
100 days today! Thank you SR, thank God, and in a weird way, thank how bad it got towards the end of my drinking. I was miserable for so long, but never wanted to blame the alcohol. If it hadn't gotten unbearably worse than miserable, (is there a word for that? I think I'd use painful, intolerable, and just plain 24/7 sadness), I'd still be sitting around just miserable, drinking and blaming everything else but myself.
Reminds me of an Eagles song...."So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
I sometimes get sad thinking about the years wasted and wish I would've gotten sober about 30 years earlier, or never even picked up that 1st beer in my teens. I wonder what my life would be like now, if I didn't **** it away.
Since getting sober, I found I sometimes fall back mentally to my "drunk" mind. I have bad days, (not that they make me want to drink), but when things go wrong, I've noticed my first reaction is to give up, hunker down, hide from the world and start "hating" on myself. For the last 100 days, this has been my biggest issue. Learning to brush things off and move forward. I've had to force myself out of the house a few times after allowing my mind to go there. It's like I now have a drill sergeant in my head to pick myself up and carry on. It's getting easier each time but def took some work to get here. But, every time I do, all is okay. My mind kicks into gear and I'm off!
I don't miss alcohol at all. I sometimes don't even think about it anymore for days now, which is pretty awesome. I feel better. I look better. I'm more focused, caring, aware, compassionate and loving. I now work out 6 days a week, run 5 days a week, eat healthy, and drink lots of water. I've let a few "friends" walk out of my life, knowing they weren't good for me. I've met some new friends, but still have some of my old friends who are not alchies (truly are the 1 or 2 drink types) They are wonderful and I've opened up about my drinking with them and they are fully supportive. My daughter and I don't fight like cats and dogs anymore, (we still have our arguments, she's a teen for Gods sake!) but I handle it rationally. I would've never considered myself rational, but thats what I am now. And I can even add the word "determined" and I actually think about things I do today, how it will affect the future. ALL NEW AND WEIRD but it's happening.
I'm looking forward to the future and what it will bring. I like me now. I'm not the person I thought I was in so many ways but getting the alcohol out of the way, made me realize that so much of what I thought about myself was a lie. Alcohol....what a liar.
Alcohol made me hate myself, sobriety has brought the love back in.
So with that, I hope all is well and thanks again y'all....you'll never know how much you helped (and will always) and were a lifeline for me.
100 days today! Thank you SR, thank God, and in a weird way, thank how bad it got towards the end of my drinking. I was miserable for so long, but never wanted to blame the alcohol. If it hadn't gotten unbearably worse than miserable, (is there a word for that? I think I'd use painful, intolerable, and just plain 24/7 sadness), I'd still be sitting around just miserable, drinking and blaming everything else but myself.
Reminds me of an Eagles song...."So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
I sometimes get sad thinking about the years wasted and wish I would've gotten sober about 30 years earlier, or never even picked up that 1st beer in my teens. I wonder what my life would be like now, if I didn't **** it away.
Since getting sober, I found I sometimes fall back mentally to my "drunk" mind. I have bad days, (not that they make me want to drink), but when things go wrong, I've noticed my first reaction is to give up, hunker down, hide from the world and start "hating" on myself. For the last 100 days, this has been my biggest issue. Learning to brush things off and move forward. I've had to force myself out of the house a few times after allowing my mind to go there. It's like I now have a drill sergeant in my head to pick myself up and carry on. It's getting easier each time but def took some work to get here. But, every time I do, all is okay. My mind kicks into gear and I'm off!
I don't miss alcohol at all. I sometimes don't even think about it anymore for days now, which is pretty awesome. I feel better. I look better. I'm more focused, caring, aware, compassionate and loving. I now work out 6 days a week, run 5 days a week, eat healthy, and drink lots of water. I've let a few "friends" walk out of my life, knowing they weren't good for me. I've met some new friends, but still have some of my old friends who are not alchies (truly are the 1 or 2 drink types) They are wonderful and I've opened up about my drinking with them and they are fully supportive. My daughter and I don't fight like cats and dogs anymore, (we still have our arguments, she's a teen for Gods sake!) but I handle it rationally. I would've never considered myself rational, but thats what I am now. And I can even add the word "determined" and I actually think about things I do today, how it will affect the future. ALL NEW AND WEIRD but it's happening.
I'm looking forward to the future and what it will bring. I like me now. I'm not the person I thought I was in so many ways but getting the alcohol out of the way, made me realize that so much of what I thought about myself was a lie. Alcohol....what a liar.
Alcohol made me hate myself, sobriety has brought the love back in.
So with that, I hope all is well and thanks again y'all....you'll never know how much you helped (and will always) and were a lifeline for me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
