lovingit

Hi,

I'm a little over 9 months sober and for a while, if not all of my sobriety, I'm having trouble talking. I have many things to say properly in my mind, but they are coming out wrong. It is affecting how I'm perceived. I'm to the point of just keeping my mouth shut. Anyone have any similar experience? Maybe part of the PAWS process? If you couldn't communicate well before, can you now?

happyandfree

I've had that....I think it's anxiety. I make myself get in situations where I have to talk and try to get over it. I think it's all tied in to sobriety. I don't remember having the problem when I drank, but I was pretty obvious. Keep talking!

JD

I also have problems with speaking. I'm good at putting things in words when I have time to think things over and mull over them. I'm not so good getting the thoughts out when speaking. I'm very much a thinker. That's not good our bad, it's just different than a lot of people. You might be the same way.

trachemys

You need to see a doctor immediately. Not emergency room immediately but as soon as you can get an appointment. We can't give medical advice and you sure need it.

lovingit

Yeah, I've heard of the social anxiety thing. I guess that might be what I'm dealing with.

GoesWithTheFlow

I believe that if you had a hard time communicating while using you will continue having a hard time.

I had a friend who I would do my best to tutor her in economics class during my community college days. She would complain and lose focus. One day she says to me "Once I get into the university I will begin to study and take school serious." I told her, "You know you don't wake up one day and become the best student. If you don't study and practice good habits now what makes you think you will later." She struggled in university...

Moral of story: you won't wake up one day and be able to say all the right things and communicate well because you became sober. Just like other skills communication needs to be practiced and honed to whatever you want to achieve from the words coming out of your mouth.

Analyze your tone and words. View them from the other persons perspective and ask yourself "What makes other perceive a way that I don't feel I am"? Then don't make those same mistakes in future interactions with people.

lovingit

Why would you suggest running off to a doctor, Trachemys? I'm just having a little trouble expressing myself in the presence of people. If I could type all the time, I'd be fine.

I'm a little tired of the medical advice barrier.

I'm just sharing what I'm going through in my journey.

Soberween

I know exactly what you mean lovingit. My written communication is much more articulate and astute than my verbal communication. I definitely attribute it to anxiety as I am shy in nature and I get nervous speaking in front of others so I have a hard time forming a sentence on the spot to properly convey what I'm trying to get across. I no longer have that liquid lubricant that allowed me to spiel off beautifully whatever I wanted to say. Now that I'm sober I notice that if I'm writing, I can buy a little more time to structure what I'm trying to say in a much more profound way that resonates with others.

* I think Trachemys must of took what you were saying literally as in you couldn't speak as in a stroke type scenario. I'm pretty sure you don't need to go to the doctor for what you are inquiring about.

lovingit

I re-read my original post and understand now.

Perfect example of my problem.

Now I can't communicate while typing.

Soberween

Oh, the irony. That's so funny. In your defense, I think it was pretty clear you weren't having a medical type crisis.

SoberRunner

What do you mean by "coming out wrong"? Do you just mean you're finding it hard to express your words, verbally? At first I thought you meant it in an introverted/anxious way but if it started after sobriety, that wouldn't be the case, right?

You have a lot more consistent sober time than I do but I love reading about neurological research (and am hoping to start my Ph.D. in neuroscience/neuropsychology this fall! *fingers crossed*) and I'd go out on a limb and say it's your brain adjusting to sobriety? We all know alcohol kills brain cells and I'm convinced it affects the speech center in our brain; the area that helps us process thoughts, verbally...which is why we can type with ease but struggle with speech.

That said, alcohol affects everyone's brain differently. For me, when I stop drinking I tend to say the opposite of what I'm thinking. Example: I may want to say, "Can you go downstairs and get my jacket?" but I end up saying "Can you go upstairs and get my jacket?" And, I never notice I made a mistake until they end up doing the complete opposite of what I thought I said. So weird!!

But, I agree with Trachemy--I think you should go see your doctor (specifically a neurologist) if it's been happening for 9 months. Mine tends to only happen for a few days after I've stopped drinking; and it's only if I had waaaayyyyy too much to drink. Which, hasn't been recently but your post brought flashbacks!

lovingit

I'm having trouble using words that I know are in my vocabulary. They don't surface in a timely manner. I'm not saying the opposite of what I mean. Also, I'm at a loss for words sometimes. I come up blank. Feel jumbled.

SoberRunner

Oh, ok. Well, like I said--alcohol affects everyone differently... It doesn't have to be opposite words; it still sounds like an issue with "processing", but I'm no doctor.

I was looking for the article I read that's related to this but I can't find it. (I'll PM it to you when I find it!) The good news is, they said it's reversible in most cases when people stay sober; but, I'd still go see my doctor if I were you (because it's been 9 months). Just my two cents...

**BTW, I found that using the app Lumosity helps!

Andante

I've had this particular problem frequently as part of my individual suite of PAWS symptoms. I'll cast in my brain for a particular word or phrase to express a thought, and come up blank, or the words I do come up with are so far from what I intended as to make my comment seem unintelligible. Two things I've noticed:

1) A lot of it is perceptual. I'm actually not as inarticulate as I imagine I am. I'm somehow holding myself to a unreasonably high standard of articulateness, and when things don't come out sufficiently well to meet my exacting standards, I experience an unreasonable degree of embarrassment and frustration way out of proportion to what the situation merits. This has gotten better over time. If you really listen when other people talk, you'll probably find that most of them aren't any more articulate than you are.

2) To the extent the problem actually does exist beyond my warped self-perception, it has gotten better over time as well.

Bottom line is that I try not to worry about it as much and accept that it's just part of how my wonky brain works. Certainly focusing on feelings of frustration and anxiety only makes matters worse. Most of my various cognitive and memory issues have improved at least somewhat over time; I would hazard a guess that yours likely will too

lovingit

I experience an unreasonable degree of embarrassment and frustration way out of proportion to what the situation merits

Thanks Andante, you explained what I'm dealing with spot on.

juppe

I have been having this exact same problem. I'm 5+ months sober btw. It's as if I am having difficulties conveying my thoughts with speech. The word aren't flowing smoothly and I seem to think people are not understanding what point I'm trying to make. However, I just had a phone interview that I thought went poorly because of this exact problem. Turns out a few days later they invited me in for an on-site interview. So the phone interview must've not been so bad, right? Maybe it's like someone said above and we're being too hard on ourselves and are actually coming off as totally coherent? I think suggesting to see a doctor is a bit of an over-reaction. I believe it will just take time and practice and eventually we'll be more comfortable with speaking to people

fantail

I also initially read this the way trachemys did... and while you may not need urgent care, it could be worth checking in on things like vitamin deficiencies!

But assuming it's just normal sobriety stuff, I do know the feeling. At the beginning for me I would visualize it as being "rusty"... I would just picture my brain as this rusted over engine on some days, trying to hold a conversation but just grinding against itself.

That's gotten a LOT better, but I find myself missing words sometimes. Sometimes basic, sometimes fancy. I do think it's really important to practice not getting frustrated. My sister had pretty serious learning disabilities as a kid and I know from her that getting stressed can actually trigger further problems, so it's easy to get into a cycle. Like someone's stutter making their stutter worse.

It's all still there... the other day I heard a word in another language I speak, and couldn't remember the English translation. Which was ridiculous because I knew they were almost the same word. I started getting frustrated, then let it go and forgot about it... and then a couple days later it just popped into my head. Which to me means my brain is just a big messy room. Everything's still there, I just need to get it sorted so I can find everything again.

SoberRunner

I do not think suggesting to see a doctor is an over-reaction. Alcohol damages our brain--why is it a bad thing to figure out what kind of damage we've done to our brain? We get medical check up's a blood tests; what's wrong with adding a neurology consult or cognitive consult??

And, although it may be a common occurrence in sobriety doesn't mean we should just look the other way, accept it, and hope it goes away; especially if it's been happening for 9 months... It's not normal for one to constantly struggle with formulating sentences or 'trying to think of the right word' when speaking.

Andante

Seriously? If I ran to the doctor's office every time I got stuck for a word (or experienced any of numerous other cognition or memory foibles), I'd never be anywhere else.

Maybe everyone you talk to speaks with perfect fluency and precision, but in my experience, a certain amount of struggling with formulating sentences and trying to think of the right word is actually quite normal, even for people whose brains aren't affected by long-term alcohol abuse. It seems to me that the issue is more about how much it bothers the OP emotionally.

If some kind of medical checkup would soothe the OP's anxiety about brain damage, then by all means he should get one, but I believe he has already indicated a disinclination to go this route.

Soberwolf