I'm So Disassociated
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 626
I'm So Disassociated
I know i haven't been posting the most positive stuff lately but I'm doing it again. Withdrawing and disassociating is pretty normal for me. It was something that was one of my relapse triggers in rehab.
I'm in a strange situation with the stress of my husband's deal, (which by the way, is so weird is surreal), the passing of my step dad, (who was closer to me than my real dad) and the company i work for is going thru some huge changes and enormous pressure for all managers in the store and I'm a dept manager.
This, all happening starting 25 days fresh off of suboxone and I'm alternating between being a nervous wreck, wondering what is going to happen next and feeling nothing.
Days off are tremendously difficult for me and although i know all the things i should do, I'm just not doing them. I'm not drinking or using but am missing my little crutches. I'm wondering if i just try to ride this out, will it pass on its own?
I'm in a strange situation with the stress of my husband's deal, (which by the way, is so weird is surreal), the passing of my step dad, (who was closer to me than my real dad) and the company i work for is going thru some huge changes and enormous pressure for all managers in the store and I'm a dept manager.
This, all happening starting 25 days fresh off of suboxone and I'm alternating between being a nervous wreck, wondering what is going to happen next and feeling nothing.
Days off are tremendously difficult for me and although i know all the things i should do, I'm just not doing them. I'm not drinking or using but am missing my little crutches. I'm wondering if i just try to ride this out, will it pass on its own?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Peanut, I think it's good that you come here and post because it often helps just to put things down in words. Have you tried meditating? Even if you just have 5 minutes, it can really help to bring calm and to ground you.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
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The only thing I can tell you is to hang tough. Life in early recovery isn't a bowl full of cherries...it's a bowl full of crapola sandwiches with the crusts cut off.
When we use and drink, every day can be uplifting - even the thought of drinking and abusing drugs makes us feel better. When that is taken away, we've lost a lot of the things we used to feel good about! And it can get you pretty down in the dumps. Regardless, there is no excuse to use again. You feel bummed out? That's okay, we all did. And it doesn't always go away quick!
Just remember that you've got a community here who cares and will listen, and you know that med professionals can help you if you panic. I'd steer clear of any doctor that might give you any kind of benzos, but as long as you are honest with them about your condition that should be off the table anyway. There are lots of avenues for help, if you really need it! If you've got the blues, the cure is often just waiting until it passes. You'll be okay!
When we use and drink, every day can be uplifting - even the thought of drinking and abusing drugs makes us feel better. When that is taken away, we've lost a lot of the things we used to feel good about! And it can get you pretty down in the dumps. Regardless, there is no excuse to use again. You feel bummed out? That's okay, we all did. And it doesn't always go away quick!
Just remember that you've got a community here who cares and will listen, and you know that med professionals can help you if you panic. I'd steer clear of any doctor that might give you any kind of benzos, but as long as you are honest with them about your condition that should be off the table anyway. There are lots of avenues for help, if you really need it! If you've got the blues, the cure is often just waiting until it passes. You'll be okay!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 626
That's kind of what I'm trying to do. Just hang in because i know I'll get thru it, just not sure how long it will take.
And yes it does suck sometimes, getting used to behind sober and living life clean. There are good and bad parts. I've just had a few bad in a row. .. lol
And yes it does suck sometimes, getting used to behind sober and living life clean. There are good and bad parts. I've just had a few bad in a row. .. lol
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Feeling disassociated has been one of my biggest relapse triggers, too. In my case it's feeling like I'm dreaming, or nothing's quite real... like my mind is floating somewhere out of my body and nothing is directly impacting me.
I hate this feeling. More than being sad or anxious sometimes. It's frustrating as hell, especially when I'm supposedly sober so that I can be more directly engaged with my life.
Anyway, so no real advice other than eventually I had to accept that if it's something that goes away when I go back to my DOC (alcohol in my case), then it's a symptom of post acute withdrawal, and so if I'm patient hopefully it'll go away. I do seem to not get it as often now. I hope that means the brain is healing.
I hate this feeling. More than being sad or anxious sometimes. It's frustrating as hell, especially when I'm supposedly sober so that I can be more directly engaged with my life.
Anyway, so no real advice other than eventually I had to accept that if it's something that goes away when I go back to my DOC (alcohol in my case), then it's a symptom of post acute withdrawal, and so if I'm patient hopefully it'll go away. I do seem to not get it as often now. I hope that means the brain is healing.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Just wanted to touch bases with you all. Your opinions all mean so much to me.
I was feeling really bad, dreading going to work but like always, once i started and worked for a few hours, i felt somewhat better. As of this moment, I'm doing quite a bit better than this morning.
I need to keep mentally simulated by reading, puzzles, learning, anything .
I'm still feeling bad for other things like my husband's predicament, step dads death, mom being alone, stress at work and now my oven doesn't work. I think the holidays are tough for a lot of folks especially in recovery.
For the first time, we are not going to celebrate either one. I have to work Thanksgiving anyway so .
I will get past this, i know I'm mentally strong enough and smart enough.
Just thanks for being here and listening. I feel safe here!
I was feeling really bad, dreading going to work but like always, once i started and worked for a few hours, i felt somewhat better. As of this moment, I'm doing quite a bit better than this morning.
I need to keep mentally simulated by reading, puzzles, learning, anything .
I'm still feeling bad for other things like my husband's predicament, step dads death, mom being alone, stress at work and now my oven doesn't work. I think the holidays are tough for a lot of folks especially in recovery.
For the first time, we are not going to celebrate either one. I have to work Thanksgiving anyway so .
I will get past this, i know I'm mentally strong enough and smart enough.
Just thanks for being here and listening. I feel safe here!
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