secretchord

"You're not an alcoholic. There's nothing wrong with you drinking a few glasses." This is the reaction I get when I tell people that I'm not drinking wine anymore. Why does it seem like everyone who drinks is offended by my sobriety? I don't get it.

secretchord

Do they feel like they're doing something wrong??? Why do people react like this?

secretchord

The sick part of me wants to say "Hey, you're right" and start drinking again. :/

Fly N Buy

Early in sobriety I was so very sensitive. As time passed for me, emotions tend to even out. The highs and lows have less peaks and valleys. I started to feel more comfortable in my own skin and cared less about others realities of how I thought they perceived me.

Work on you and try not to be nagged by what others attempts at defining you!

ScottFromWI

People do not understand alcoholism, plain and simple. It is difficult for us as alcoholics to even understand it or simply accept the fact that we cannot have that one drink. And frankly most of them will never understand - that's probably why they aren't alcoholics to be honest, because they can have one or two drinks and just stop.

Having said all that, what they think really is not important. What you think is and how you react. Quite frankly, if someone doesn't respect your decision to be sober, they probably aren't someone you need to be associating with anymore.

dwtbd

Some call 'that sick part' the AV and it knows you have put it on notice that it is no longer in charge , been relegated to the dustbin of historic bad ideas. It's loud right now, but it will get smaller and quieter with time, and starving it out. The sick part will wither and slink away. 'A couple ' won't hurt IT, just You and the 'inconsequential few' are all the fuel it needs to stay around. Keep starving it out. You got this

TheRake

I don't think you're being sensitve. It's easy for other people to project their own experiences onto you and that it's sensitivity in early sobriety. There's an almost condesecention to it, "when you get comfortable in sobriety you won't feel so sensitive, little baby".

It is irritating there's no doubt about it. It's irritating if you have to listen to it each time your at a social function. 8 times out of 10 I won't let it bother me.....but those other two....can be irritating. But how do we know if these drinkers that say things are "normal drinkers", "binge drinkers", "alcoholics"? Nobody knows at what level these people are drinking.....maybe they are secret morning drinkers

I'm going for a new tactic.....I'm putting them all into the same cathegory : drinkers . Drinkers of what? An addictive highly destructive poison that has been wrecking havoc to my life and to the lives of others who have quit and still wrecking havoc to the lives of those who have not quit....

so they are drinkers of an addictive substance? In my mind now they are all ADDICTS to some degree. Not too many people will accept that statement because we as a society are locked into The Matrix. What a con to think that this substance is normal and WE as a perfect human species are inherently flawed because this poison is making us sick????????? Locked into the Matrix.....Slaves to a multi billion dollar industry include the recovery industry.

Nah let's take the RED PILL and see this for what it is.

They are addicts and all addicts feel inherently stupid for what they're doing deep down. We know that. So they want to drag you down into the quicksand with them.

You are not sensitive. But it's time to start viewing these people for what they are......and have compassion for them instead of irritaion. Compassion that they are still locked into the Matrix. No, no thanks, no. we should view them with a sense of pity and not envy.

I'm going to view everyone of these comments as an attempt to try to drag me down into the zombie pit. Zombie arms pawing at my legs. No, no thanks no.

If alcohol was not a powerful addictive drug people would only take one drink when they went out. If anyone takes more than one it is because of the nature of alcohol. It dyhydrates you and makes you crave more. yes some to a worse extent to others. But the state of confusion is you believing that there's something wrong with you.

Not many people go for coffee and drink more than one cup of coffee.

Wake up people.

tomsteve

they could feel that way.
or be experiencing fear of losing a drinking friend-losing someone they shared misery with?
the phrase misery loves company.
but then that company is leaving?

fbzero

Have you considered that maybe they are trying to convince themselves and not you?

Just curious. Lots of my friends say things like that, but I accept now that I was drinking too much, and most of them drink as much as I was or more...I think they aren't ready to accept it.

C23

From my experience, people who have a serious problem with our sobriety are the same people who wish they were strong enough to be sober. I have spoken to many people in depth and that is what it normally comes down to. On top of that, many people will start to look at themselves and wonder if they are doing something wrong or harmful to their bodies if you have quit. No one likes to think they are doing something wrong, intentionally.

chickippo

i don't get this from my drinking friends as i don't see my drinking friends any more. this was their choice - i guess the booze is more of a comfort than i could be. it also throws people's own drinking into sharp relief and that can be uncomfortable for them.

anyone who has met me since i got sober 19 months ago has never seen my drinking self. my partner has never known me drinking. these friends know a bit about how i sobered up and why, and nobody has bugged me to drink. it's just not who i am today.

hang in there. nod, smile and tick off one day at a time...

entropy1964

Something that really helps me stay on task in recovery is to stay focused on my thinking, reactions and behavior. I also guess I'm a private person F2F so I just don't talk a whole lot about my recovery with anyone. Its an inside job and really no one's business. So a few great AAisms that I think apply:

1. Its none of my business what other people think of me
2. I'm powerless over people, places and things
3. Last but not least, the Serenity Prayer:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference".

I'm not an AA, but I am reminded how much I learned about the basics of recovery from the program.

I want to just be super straight here...I'm concerned that you might be looking for a reason to drink because of your last couple of posts. I know when I start to 'give up' ownership of my recovery I'm building to drink. I'm reasoning, I'm rationalizing. That may have nothing to do with where you are, just telling you what I'm thinking. Hang in there.

fantail

I've never except once had anyone question me when I say no to a drink... It may be that you're putting yourself in situations where the drinking is the main attraction, and people just want you to feel included? The one time for me was at a party with a bunch of people who have kids, so they were really having a "woo hoo, we've got babysitters, let's get smashed!" kind of night. They felt bad for me that I wasn't drinking. It was also partially my fault since I just said "I'm driving" instead of "I don't drink", so they kept coming up with ways to "help".

Usually though drinking's just one of the things going on, so no one seems to think twice that I'm not having anything. Maybe if you try different types of social settings you'll be put under less pressure.

secretchord

No. Not looking for reasons to drink. One of the more recent comments I got to this affect was from my sister after I told her I wasn't going to Thanksgiving. Her reply was "You know having one or two drinks doesn't make you an alcoholic." Something set fire in my brain after that comment that made me feel like maybe she was right. I know that isn't right. I can hear my AV talking. It's like AV is trying to find as many loopholes as possible.

I don't know. This wasn't the first time in the last 23 days or whatever I'm on when I've felt people questioning whether I really had a problem. People asking me how much I drank...asking "well, did something happen" as if something had to happen for me to want to quit. All those questions I feel trigger me into thinking I don't have a problem.

Soberwolf

Hang in there SecretChord I had to get rid of a load of 'supposed friends' didn't even have to they didn't give 2 cents about me

Ruby2

No one else knows what is going on between your ears. No one knows how YOUR body feels. A long time ago when I truly was naive about addiction, I questioned someone about their drinking, mentioning "just ONE won't hurt. Come on!" Now I know that just one WILL hurt.

So put the comments down to ignorance of addiction. You know how you feel. You know why you want to stay sober and recover. Those people don't.

Thankfully the person I tried to cajole into having one didn't listen to me. I should have taken a page out of his book and said "No, I don't drink." It was my grandfather on the occasion of his 50th wedding anniversary and champagne was being passed around to the celebrants. Grandpa is still here and still hasn't had a drink in over 25 years. If he can do it, I can do it. And so can you.

Dee74

By the end of my drinking my friend circle was full of drinkers - so they gave me a drinkers viewpoint.

Do you have any sober friends, or even friends who drink only every so often? It might help to hang out with them a little more. or make new friends

In any case the bottom line is - they might not understand but you do.

Don't get put off - you know you're doing this for a multitude of good reasons .

D

AAPJ

Perhaps I was just lucky. With less than 30 days since my last drink I went to a social fundraising event at my church on Saturday night. (Catholics have no alcohol prohibition rules.) The annual fundraising event included dinner and free alcoholic beverages. I was bit worried but I just drank soda and water. Nobody said anything at all. The only alcohol related comment I heard from one of my drinking friends was that he wasn't drinking that night so he could do a father daughter 5k run the next morning. But overall nobody really cared. In hindsight while it was big to me it wasn't to others. I realized in a good way that I'm not the center of the universe. I think the way we might look at this in recovery is I got a good dose of humility.

entropy1964

Hey SC
Well nothing like family and the holidays to fire up the ole AV (I'm not sure I relate to that concept but I know its used a lot here). Frankly it fires ME up. So many complex issues when it comes to the family. Have you thought about not talking about your inner journey? Maybe just don't drink when the time comes? I mean, full disclosure is great, I respect that. But maybe once YOU are more secure with your recovery...when what others think, say, opine? Just won't matter. You'll be able to look at them and think "Hmmm, interesting. Now about that mineral water?" Many can't imagine booze during the holidays, for a multitude of reasons. Just lay back.

letitgo

Sobriety has a funny effect on people. I notice they drink less around me and less likely to drink alone at dinner. I think they feel ackward.
How can the majority be wrong? (Allen Carr you are correct sir)