boots11234

New today to this forum. I'm a booze hound. I can admit it but I am having difficulty moving past it. I am a functional drunk. I am successful in business and life. I make 2xx,xxx a year. Have a easy, non stressful job. Work about 30-40 hours a week from home. (no I don't sell get rich chit stuff). I have a great family, 2 kids and a wife. I cant stop drinking. I go to AA and hear stories from others and think to myself, fk im not as bad as them. I know this is not logical. I know its not a race or competition. My problem is MINE and comparing it to others does me no good. Well that's where Im at.

How do I get beyond this? I go to Church every week and have a good relationship with God.

I do hate going to AA and seeing downtrodden people say "Hi IM x and Im an alcoholic." Its like they are ashamed of it. Certainly its nothing to be proud of but if its in our genes, why are we ashamed? I have brown eyes. Im not ashamed of those. I also don't like how my siblings say, "well you know your great grandfather was an alcoholic." What an awful stigmatism. He was much more then that but that's all we remember? Why do we allow that? I have a gay uncle. I don't think of uncle Ron as a gay dude. I think of him as my uncle. Hes a good dude.

Anyway, Im going to AA tomorrow and see all those broken people, even the ones who are sober. They act like they are broken and ashamed. I don't get it. Don't be ashamed of brown eyes. Im not. But I do need to fix it.

Thank you.

Jsbodhi

Have you ever sen that documentary "brown eyes, blue eyes"
The racism experiment with the kids?

I apologize, I should've offered more sobriety support.
I was just excited because in my first sociology class we watched that film and I got excited and was hoping you knew what I was talking about

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, boots; glad you found us.

boots11234

Im glad I found you. I need to get a handle on this. I don't like the person I am now.

boots11234

Not sure how this relates to my post. I've seen it. Alcoholic's as a whole are adults, im guessing more then any other protected group. Yet we allow to be stigmatized. I am not broken any more then a dude who thinks he is a woman, yet people identify alcoholic's as alcoholics first. That's BS. Im a man with an illness, we work to be sober and its BS that my siblings say grandpa was a drunk. Oh if it matters, Im a republican.

SoberLeigh

We have been where you are, boots; we understand. Most of have also experienced some pretty negative emotions and opinions of ourselves during our drinking years.

Sobriety and recovery can start to change/reverse those emotions and opinions; it takes time and effort but it is incredibly rewarding.

I was broken and defeated when I began my journey; I look back now on that person and barely recognize her.

You can do this, boots.

boots11234

Thanks. I just don't like who I am now and how others view me. And honestly I go to AA meetings and see people who have been sober for XX years and still act like they are broken. Heck if I make it 10 days without drinking, I view myself like Charlie Sheen...WINNING.

SoberLeigh

Have you tried different meetings in your area? I am not in AA but quite a few people here at SR have said that they had to try several different meeting sites/groups to find a good fit.

SoberLeigh

I'm signing off for the night, boots.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Glad that you are here.

Berrybean

I'd suggest trying some different groups - I'm lucky that in most of the meetings I attend people are generally solution focussed. But I have been to meetings where people seem to want to dwell in the problem, and are almost kind of resistant to solution-focussed dialogue (and will even accuse others of being happy-clappy or Big-Book thumpers if they mention step work or gratitude or the like). I don't go to that meeting too often!! I had a search around and found meetings that are full of people who have what I want. People I can learn from.

fantail

I'll echo SoberLeigh & BeccaBean. You should try more groups. AA meetings are all very different, depending on the people who go to each one. It took me a while but I found three or four that I really love. And once you find a meeting that you connect with, you should be able to find a sponsor who has a similar personality and viewpoint to yours who can help you get through this thing.

Or maybe it turns out that AA isn't your thing -- you could start seeing an addiction counselor, maybe multiple times a week at first. Or you could get some support through a spiritual group or church.

And of course you've come to a great place to start.

Soberwolf

Welcome Boots

Dee74

Hi and welcome Boots

Honestly, joining this community and posting every day helped me accept that I was just like all the others here.

I drank less than some and more than others - but the bottom line is my drinking nearly killed me.

If you can jump off the crazy train before that point, then you're doing better than me

I think alcoholism is a lot different to a lot of other kinds of maladies, illnessses, addictions or whatever you want to call it, in that we can absolutely choose not to be sick anymore.

That's where the shame came in for me - I knew I was 'better than that'....and as it turned out...I was

As for other people, one of the best things I ever learned in recovery is 'what other people think of me is none of my business'.

After a lifetime of people pleasing and fear of people not liking me, there's real power in that statement for me

You're focusing an awful lot on other people, Boots.

I used to do that too - I dunno about you, but it was a procrastination ploy for me, to avoid doing something about my problem.

If you're not getting anything out of the meetings you're going to, then try others.

If you've decided AA is really not your thing, then go and check out other face to face meeting based groups like SMART or LifeRing, or book based approaches like Rational Recovery.

You could also try counselling, see your Dr... sounds like you could afford a good rehab too if you wanted to go down that route?

I certainly don't feel broken - I feel renewed to be honest. My life has never been better. I think you'll here that over and over again here.

There really is life after recovery and it is good.

I rediscovered a me I'd forgot existed. I can look at myself in the mirror again and meet my gaze.

I really hope you decide to stick it out with us

D