sobernotsaint

I'm having a hard time getting myself to a meeting. Social anxiety is keeping me from going. I recentley moved to a new town so i don't know anyone in the rooms. Ive always struggled with meetings, i don't like sharing and when i did i always felt worse after i shared. My mind would just go blank. I know i could just pass but i used to do that and it started to get the attention of other members who would call me out on it. I wish i could find a sponsor who would immediately work the steps with me and not put pressure to be active in meetings, until i build up the confidence. I miss the meetings but i can make myself feel like a outkast at them. Its hard for me to fully pay attention because I'm worried they will call on me next. If you are a newcomer with anxiety don't give up its not worth drinking over.

Anna

Welcome!

I don't go to meetings, but I know that you will find support and information here and you are always welcome to read and post. I hope you find a plan that works for you.

Keepnitreal

Anna is right. My sponsor thinks I should go to meetings all the time, but that's just not me. I have found SR to be extremely helpful! (My sponsor shared this with me and I'm so grateful) It's a great resource for you to use!

Tooshabby

Welcome to SR, sobernotsaint. You will find lots of support here :-)

Hopefully someone who attends AA will be able to give you some advice on this....it seems a shame to stay away due to anxiety about speaking when you enjoy the meetings.

sva777

I have never been to a meeting in person but I am well on my way to one year sober, I credit my family and this site for much support.

Meetings aren't for everyone so do what works for you.

FLCamper

I've been to a few AA meetings - they weren't for me. But, if you like them and get something out of them, keep going. Can you pull the leader of the meeting aside, explain your dilemma ahead of time and avoid being called on?
I have to say, I don't recall ever being pressured to speak. Maybe you could try a different meeting. It would be a shame not to take advantage of AA if you get something out of it.

Soberish

I went to an AA meeting with my cousin years ago, I must have been 13 or 14 years old. This meeting didn't have a requirement to speak, I remember people were able to pass if they wanted.

You said you moved to a new town so maybe the meetings there don't require to you share like the other meetings you have attended?

wehav2day

Welcome to sr!

I haven't been to a meeting where I was forced to speak, but I don't go to many meetings. I went to a lot in early sobriety in part to have something to do and somewhere to go besides a bar.

I met my sponsor here. We talked every day in pm and did the steps on skype. It might not be for everyone, but it worked great for me. There are many routes to recovery. Honesty and willingness are the biggies.

Soberwolf

Welcome SnS

Dee74

Hi and welcome sobernotsaint

A few of my buddies here recommend going early to meetings and staying late - helping to set up and then pull down things, put chairs away, wash cups whatever.

That way you get talking to folks in a more relaxed one on one deal, and hoping start making a social network that way?

D

PurpleKnight

Welcome!!

Ruby2

I get your dilemma and I can empathize with not wanting to speak. I always feel awkward when it comes to my turn to share.

If you are new in town maybe try a speaker meeting where you wouldn't have to speak. That way you can be around other people in recovery but not have pressure, internal or external, to speak.

2muchpain

When I first started going to meetings, it was suggested to share often. Some people can do this with no problem, but others like you and me, this can be very difficult. When I was trying to come up with something to share, that's all I thought about; what I was going to say and how I was going to say it so I don't embarass myself. I ended up getting almost nothing out of the meetings because I was so wrapped up with these thoughts. Made me a nervous wreck. Now that I don't put this pressure on myself, I get a lot out of the meetings and look forward to going to them.
I would suggest looking for meetings that don't call you out when you don't want to share. This is not a requirement when attending meetings. Simply passing should be enough. John

Fly N Buy

John shares some great experience here! Sounds like he got over meeting anxiety by continuing to go and getting to the point on just being part of - not putting "pressure" on ourselves.

I too was edgy at meetings with anxiety about sharing - I missed a lot thinking about what I was going to say. My sponsor suggested to keep in mind the 2nd tradition when sharing, this helped a lot me focus on what He would have me say. Also, I memorized and meditate on the 3rd step prayer each morning. This too is very helpful in all things for me.

Keep coming back sound trite but is so very true. Sobriety for me takes willingness and working towards development of humility. I think struggling sometimes -- just walking in the door of a meeting - is evidence of the courage to change the things I can and progress towards both willingness and humility. When I make myself get out of my comfort zone I am demonstrating to myself and others these qualities daily.

Sobernotsaint and 2muchpain - I am so glad you're both here on this journey with us.....

Thanks for your contributions to SR
When we post of our fear, many others read who are "lurking" and can't find the strength to post. You are an example for them

Well done!