trapped
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
trapped
That's how I feel, trapped in my own ridiculous cycle. I think this might be my last post on here cos what's the point in posting on a recovery site when I'm clearly not recovering.
I feel so weak and pathetic, I can't even string 2 days together. I read some things on avrt as recommended and yes I can identify with it and recognise that it's My AV, but then.... i do what the stupid AV says and drink so really it's not making a difference. Every morning I say enough..... Every night a want more.
I feel so weak and pathetic, I can't even string 2 days together. I read some things on avrt as recommended and yes I can identify with it and recognise that it's My AV, but then.... i do what the stupid AV says and drink so really it's not making a difference. Every morning I say enough..... Every night a want more.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Have you thought about doing more than posting here after you drink Adelina?
what about posting before you drink...or what about exploring other avenues for face to face support like AA, or if you're a secular person SMART or LifeRing?
Have you considered counselling? Seeing your Dr? Or inpatient or outpatient rehab?
There no real magic formula - you just need to keep adding to your efforts to stop drinking until you stop.
Your addiction will try and convince you there's no point, or you can try again after Christmas, or that things aren't that bad really...
But you know the score. Feed that part of you that wants to quit.
Noone is saying it's easy, but you need to fight for yourself
There's hundreds of people here who want to help
D
what about posting before you drink...or what about exploring other avenues for face to face support like AA, or if you're a secular person SMART or LifeRing?
Have you considered counselling? Seeing your Dr? Or inpatient or outpatient rehab?
There no real magic formula - you just need to keep adding to your efforts to stop drinking until you stop.
Your addiction will try and convince you there's no point, or you can try again after Christmas, or that things aren't that bad really...
But you know the score. Feed that part of you that wants to quit.
Noone is saying it's easy, but you need to fight for yourself
There's hundreds of people here who want to help
D
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 302
Dee has some great advice there. Please don't let this be the last time you post here. As long as you have the desire to quit that means you are trying because you want change. I dont have much advice for you because I am not very experienced with other tools to recover besides reading and posting here. But if you stay around there are people who can offer you great advice and at the very least be supportive.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Yes, it sounds like it is time to add to your recovery program. I have been where you are, constantly relapsing. I would think to myself "what in the world can I possibly add to what I am doing? I am doing everything!" but there was always something I could do differently or add to my program.
I hesitate to post that I am in the clear or even call myself a sober person at this point as I am terrified of falling again, but I will say that I think I am finally solid in my recovery plan and that is making the difference this go-round. The one thing I did consistently is I never, ever gave up on quitting. No matter how many relapses I got back up every single time and tried again.
You can do this too, you have to keep trying.
I hesitate to post that I am in the clear or even call myself a sober person at this point as I am terrified of falling again, but I will say that I think I am finally solid in my recovery plan and that is making the difference this go-round. The one thing I did consistently is I never, ever gave up on quitting. No matter how many relapses I got back up every single time and tried again.
You can do this too, you have to keep trying.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
I'm in the "don't feel I can offer advice camp" because this is all very new to me.
But I would say please don't give up on yourself or SR, you're not alone in your struggle as long as you're here.
I'm sure you will find the resolve soon and that's more likely to happen with all the love and support you will get by staying in the SR family.
No ones going to judge you if it takes a bit of time.
Best wishes to you.
But I would say please don't give up on yourself or SR, you're not alone in your struggle as long as you're here.
I'm sure you will find the resolve soon and that's more likely to happen with all the love and support you will get by staying in the SR family.
No ones going to judge you if it takes a bit of time.
Best wishes to you.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Adelina I remember doing this myself but I didn't have SR I had a sponser & he was raw with me told me how it is didn't hold back he said why didn't you call me
I honestly replied how am I meant to ring a sober alcoholic and say I feel like drinking ?
He replied you phone me up & tell me you feel like drinking we'l go through it
The point I'm trying to make Adelina is reach out & that's for anyone struggling
Reach out that's what SR is about
I honestly replied how am I meant to ring a sober alcoholic and say I feel like drinking ?
He replied you phone me up & tell me you feel like drinking we'l go through it
The point I'm trying to make Adelina is reach out & that's for anyone struggling
Reach out that's what SR is about
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
I kept relapsing over and over for about 2 years and felt totally frustrated. I thought I was doing the right things. I finally went to my pdoc and put everything on the table and asked for help. I was totally desperate. He referred me to an addictions program and met with me in addition to that. The addictions program, AA, SR, pdoc - all contributed to my recovery!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
Hi all thanks for your responses. I have been to smart recovery before and much preferred it to aa. The only problem is that due to work schedule and child care etc I just can't physically get to the meeting I was going to and liked. As I'm writing this I'm coming up with potential solutions to this I will get back to you on that one!!
I don't think I'm doing enough I'm realising that it's not as straight forward as just wanting to take control / stop, if it were that easy we wouldn't be here.
I'm trying to be as low key as possible with this as I want as few people to know as possible. Hence being on here anonymously. Going to the dr would be a last resort!!
I don't think I'm doing enough I'm realising that it's not as straight forward as just wanting to take control / stop, if it were that easy we wouldn't be here.
I'm trying to be as low key as possible with this as I want as few people to know as possible. Hence being on here anonymously. Going to the dr would be a last resort!!
The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think!
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 150
I agree being on here definitely helps. It doesn't matter where you are and you're recovering hang in there. I always think through the drink. Like last night I was put in a horrible situation and I don't ever want to drink to me it's not a drinking problem it's a thinking problem but when I feel like drinking I don't think about the fun I think about throwing up and the timing I knocked my tooth out. Sometimes it's easier to keep it simple especially when you relapse don't beat yourself but I relapsed a lot before I actually got it. Get through the withdrawals mentally physically. If meetings are not for you than take up a hobby go visit people in nursing homes do whatever it takes to keep yourself out of your own brain which is a definite dangerous neighborhood. Keep posting keep reading and it's really important to maintain your spiritual condition I mean look at me. Our ego gets us into trouble but please as long as you keep an open mind there's hope for us all here. I know online but keep coming back.The miracle will happen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I was willing
Originally Posted by adelina123 
I have been to smart recovery before and much preferred it to aa.
Christian counseling with the wife
AA Meetings
Christian (Overcomers) 12 Step groups
Church
Bible studies
Yes, I was willing to do anything.
MB
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Adelina,
We all really, really want you to succeed at this, and know how hard it is. Remember every day you don't drink is a positive, even if it's just one or two days at a time, giving up trying completely will just make things worse.
Perhaps you need to get real nuts and bolts about this. You wake up not wanting to drink again. Exactly when during the day does your AV start to take over your thinking and drown out the rational part of your brain? What exactly do you do when you first hear that voice, while it's presumably still weak and has to work hard to overcome the rational part of you that knows you need to quit? What can you do differently to what clearly hasn't worked before?
As Dee says, maybe that's when to log on to SR and ask for help and support? At some point your AV will need you, the rational part of your brain that controls your physical actions, to go fetch it some alcohol to drink as it needs your help for that. What do you have to do? Is there booze already in the house? If so, throw it out in the morning while you still have full control of your brain. If there's none, what steps do you have to take to get that booze? What obstacles can you put in the way of you doing that? How can you make it harder for yourself to get it? What could you do instead of going to the store? Maybe now's the time to get less low key and let some trusted people know what you're trying to do. See what they can do to help.
It gets easier as you get further into sobriety, but in those early days it looks like you need to have a very, very detailed plan. Map out almost every minute of every day to keep yourself from acting on your AV's demands.
We all really, really want you to succeed at this, and know how hard it is. Remember every day you don't drink is a positive, even if it's just one or two days at a time, giving up trying completely will just make things worse.
Perhaps you need to get real nuts and bolts about this. You wake up not wanting to drink again. Exactly when during the day does your AV start to take over your thinking and drown out the rational part of your brain? What exactly do you do when you first hear that voice, while it's presumably still weak and has to work hard to overcome the rational part of you that knows you need to quit? What can you do differently to what clearly hasn't worked before?
As Dee says, maybe that's when to log on to SR and ask for help and support? At some point your AV will need you, the rational part of your brain that controls your physical actions, to go fetch it some alcohol to drink as it needs your help for that. What do you have to do? Is there booze already in the house? If so, throw it out in the morning while you still have full control of your brain. If there's none, what steps do you have to take to get that booze? What obstacles can you put in the way of you doing that? How can you make it harder for yourself to get it? What could you do instead of going to the store? Maybe now's the time to get less low key and let some trusted people know what you're trying to do. See what they can do to help.
It gets easier as you get further into sobriety, but in those early days it looks like you need to have a very, very detailed plan. Map out almost every minute of every day to keep yourself from acting on your AV's demands.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Originally Posted by adelina123
Hi all thanks for your responses. I have been to smart recovery before and much preferred it to aa. The only problem is that due to work schedule and child care etc I just can't physically get to the meeting I was going to and liked. !
Adelina,
I believe Smart recovery offers online meetings. Maybe that would work with your schedule.....
Stay strong, you can do this....
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by adelina123
I think this might be my last post on here cos what's the point in posting on a recovery site when I'm clearly not recovering.
My AV is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it. I stopped taking advice from a known liar and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.
Your AV is still there, and it will want to drink tonight. Tomorrow night, too. What will YOU do when that happens? Make a PLAN now. When I feel like drinking I will ____________ instead.
Make a plan. Work the plan.
You can do this!
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