Going through it
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozone Park, NY
Posts: 18
Going through it
Hello,
I have posted before. I have been struggling lately. Over this summer/fall, I have lost over 5 cell phones and woke up in different boroughs numerous times. I black out every weekend. I also ended up.. using some other drugs I'd never use sober as well as ended up in some dirty video stores after hours extremely drunk.
I wake up only able to piece together certain parts of my night. Unfortunately, last week, I lost another cell phone and woke up in Brooklyn on the subway at like 8 am. Of course, this is a problem. I am well aware of that. My sister just entered recovery and has about 60 days sober and my mother has 9 years sober although she recently relapsed on pills (or so I believe). Another thing that is bothering me is how we all have drinking issues. I feel bad for my father who asked for none of this. I feel like a **** up.
I am posting because, it is Friday. I am having serious cravings right now. I never crave but I guess because I do want to stop this behavior, I am craving. I keep having these thoughts of having one last night having every drink I have ever loved and partying and then giving it up for good. I know that is irrational, and I know that I should not think so long term to think "giving up for good"-Its about day by day, but I just want to drink so bad. Like my drink is a gin and soda and its all I can think about. I am 24.. and this **** ****** sucks. Any advice? I plan on going to a meeting tomorrow as Friday and Saturday are my days to let loose. I just.. I am really sad. Alcohol has been in my life in some form or fashion all of my life. As it stands, I do not know how I will do this.
-Anthony
I have posted before. I have been struggling lately. Over this summer/fall, I have lost over 5 cell phones and woke up in different boroughs numerous times. I black out every weekend. I also ended up.. using some other drugs I'd never use sober as well as ended up in some dirty video stores after hours extremely drunk.
I wake up only able to piece together certain parts of my night. Unfortunately, last week, I lost another cell phone and woke up in Brooklyn on the subway at like 8 am. Of course, this is a problem. I am well aware of that. My sister just entered recovery and has about 60 days sober and my mother has 9 years sober although she recently relapsed on pills (or so I believe). Another thing that is bothering me is how we all have drinking issues. I feel bad for my father who asked for none of this. I feel like a **** up.
I am posting because, it is Friday. I am having serious cravings right now. I never crave but I guess because I do want to stop this behavior, I am craving. I keep having these thoughts of having one last night having every drink I have ever loved and partying and then giving it up for good. I know that is irrational, and I know that I should not think so long term to think "giving up for good"-Its about day by day, but I just want to drink so bad. Like my drink is a gin and soda and its all I can think about. I am 24.. and this **** ****** sucks. Any advice? I plan on going to a meeting tomorrow as Friday and Saturday are my days to let loose. I just.. I am really sad. Alcohol has been in my life in some form or fashion all of my life. As it stands, I do not know how I will do this.
-Anthony
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,506
Hi Anthony, It's normal to feel loss and sadness when you are faced with stopping drinking. The disease makes you believe you can't live without it. Of course, you know that isn't true, but it makes the first steps hard and scary. Please continue to read and post. And, make plans for tomorrow that will hopefully keep your mind off things for a bit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome back to SR, Anthony; glad you are here.
The thought of never drinking can be frightening; it can feel like giving up a friend. Alcohol is no friend to us alcoholics; leaving that friendship is our key to a better life - even survival.
Why not go home tonight and pour out all alcohol, get to bed early and wake up hangover-free.
Here's a great thread to read:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
The thought of never drinking can be frightening; it can feel like giving up a friend. Alcohol is no friend to us alcoholics; leaving that friendship is our key to a better life - even survival.
Why not go home tonight and pour out all alcohol, get to bed early and wake up hangover-free.
Here's a great thread to read:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 319
Thanks for sharing your story.
Alcohol is doing everything it can to kill you. It's as simple as that.
Your experiences are very scary. I mean, it's not like you're drinking alone and passing out on the couch while watching TV. You're out in dangerous situations and blacking out.
Whatever you do, do not drink! Follow the advice on SR and post here frequently. I will be on this weekend along with everyone else. Please keep us posted. There are links, etc., and other advice to get over the cravings.
Alcohol is doing everything it can to kill you. It's as simple as that.
Your experiences are very scary. I mean, it's not like you're drinking alone and passing out on the couch while watching TV. You're out in dangerous situations and blacking out.
Whatever you do, do not drink! Follow the advice on SR and post here frequently. I will be on this weekend along with everyone else. Please keep us posted. There are links, etc., and other advice to get over the cravings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozone Park, NY
Posts: 18
[QUOTE=SoberLeigh;5642710]Welcome back to SR, Anthony; glad you are here.
The thought of never drinking can be frightening; it can feel like giving up a friend. Alcohol is no friend to us alcoholics; leaving that friendship is our key to a better life - even survival.
Why not go home tonight and pour out all alcohol, get to bed early and wake up hangover-free.
Here's a great thread to read:
Thank you for those
The thought of never drinking can be frightening; it can feel like giving up a friend. Alcohol is no friend to us alcoholics; leaving that friendship is our key to a better life - even survival.
Why not go home tonight and pour out all alcohol, get to bed early and wake up hangover-free.
Here's a great thread to read:
Thank you for those
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
We all drank and many of us did other substances - but, I will say ajr that you are engaging in very high risk behavior. Abstainence is ideal, but you might at least consider harm reduction = staying in your own home or with a close friend.
I will be at a eat/speak meeting myself tonight - good for you on going. Do you have a sponsor and/or any other sober friends to grab coffee with, or talk to on the phone?
I found I had to garner some sober time to make sense of anything more than 24 hrs at a time. I did that by not drinking alone - I logged on here and lived in the rooms for months.
Good for you on posting - keep coming back!
I will be at a eat/speak meeting myself tonight - good for you on going. Do you have a sponsor and/or any other sober friends to grab coffee with, or talk to on the phone?
I found I had to garner some sober time to make sense of anything more than 24 hrs at a time. I did that by not drinking alone - I logged on here and lived in the rooms for months.
Good for you on posting - keep coming back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozone Park, NY
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy 
We all drank and many of us did other substances - but, I will say ajr that you are engaging in very high risk behavior. Abstainence is ideal, but you might at least consider harm reduction = staying in your own home or with a close friend.
I will be at a eat/speak meeting myself tonight - good for you on going. Do you have a sponsor and/or any other sober friends to grab coffee with, or talk to on the phone?
I found I had to garner some sober time to make sense of anything more than 24 hrs at a time. I did that by not drinking alone - I logged on here and lived in the rooms for months.
Good for you on posting - keep coming back!
I will be at a eat/speak meeting myself tonight - good for you on going. Do you have a sponsor and/or any other sober friends to grab coffee with, or talk to on the phone?
I found I had to garner some sober time to make sense of anything more than 24 hrs at a time. I did that by not drinking alone - I logged on here and lived in the rooms for months.
Good for you on posting - keep coming back!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,565
Hi Anthony - I'm so glad you joined us.
We all understand how you're feeling - and no, you're not insane. I felt the same when I thought of quitting. So I didn't. At twice your age, I finally decided to let go of it. By then, my life was in ruins. That doesn't need to happen to you. Keep talking to us. You're among friends who care.
We all understand how you're feeling - and no, you're not insane. I felt the same when I thought of quitting. So I didn't. At twice your age, I finally decided to let go of it. By then, my life was in ruins. That doesn't need to happen to you. Keep talking to us. You're among friends who care.
AA member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 872
ajr,please use the phone numbers you were given at the meeting.That is one of the ways AA works,we help each other as much as we can.
Get to more meetings,a long term sober man I know often says,
"many meetings,many chances,few meetings,few chances."
Wishing you well.
Get to more meetings,a long term sober man I know often says,
"many meetings,many chances,few meetings,few chances."
Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
yes,it is insane-a place many of us have been.
your words remind me of something from the big book that hit me upside the head because it was speaking of me:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
i am having flashbacks to how i felt the day after my last drunk- hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless POS.
it was then i turned to aa. i went to meetings, prayed like crazy, worked the program, fought the obsession to drink real hard, repeated.
and i no longer fight alcohol, have hope,use, can help, and have worth. i love myself today.
why wait til tomorrow when you can get to a meeting tonight?
you can also start reading the big book of aa online.
and use those phone numbers. if one doesnt answer leave an honest message about whats going kn and that ya want help and call the next.
your words remind me of something from the big book that hit me upside the head because it was speaking of me:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
i am having flashbacks to how i felt the day after my last drunk- hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless POS.
it was then i turned to aa. i went to meetings, prayed like crazy, worked the program, fought the obsession to drink real hard, repeated.
and i no longer fight alcohol, have hope,use, can help, and have worth. i love myself today.
why wait til tomorrow when you can get to a meeting tonight?
you can also start reading the big book of aa online.
and use those phone numbers. if one doesnt answer leave an honest message about whats going kn and that ya want help and call the next.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Hi Ajr. You are not insane. Give yourself props for realizing you have a problem at a young age. One tool here is playing the tape. Think through what happens when you drink to the end. In your case that means blacking out, and who knows what could be happening during those blackouts out in public. You could be seriously harmed. Can you seek medical advice and be totally honest about your drinking?
Read here, as much as you can. Call the numbers provided to you. Stay at home, eat, hydrate, watch movies. One last hurrah could kill you, is it worth it?
There is help and support here. Use this forum as much as you can. We all have been there. . I am older and was at the point of blackouts too, and injuring myself often. ER trips, CT Scans. Etc. You can stop that from happening. It's a life or death battle we face. You can take back your life!
Read here, as much as you can. Call the numbers provided to you. Stay at home, eat, hydrate, watch movies. One last hurrah could kill you, is it worth it?
There is help and support here. Use this forum as much as you can. We all have been there. . I am older and was at the point of blackouts too, and injuring myself often. ER trips, CT Scans. Etc. You can stop that from happening. It's a life or death battle we face. You can take back your life!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Anthony, welcome! I spent many nights in blackouts - my memory completely erased of things I did and said. I never want to return to that s***. So, you're not insane, your disease is. The good thing is that you can return to FEELING sane when you stop drinking. If I can do it, so can you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
I hope you find the peace we all deserve.
You are aware of the issue. You're talking about it.-both two big steps!
The trick now is about follow-through. I think you know what alcohol's plan is. A tragic accident, or assault, waking up dead. Your challenge is to beat it to the punch.
While you're doing the hardest parts, have faith that most of us here actually enjoy life more without useing/drinking. Talk to some folks who have been at it awhile. Many of us craved, thought it was a social death sentence, or that we'd never have fun again. -all part of the trick!
You are aware of the issue. You're talking about it.-both two big steps!
The trick now is about follow-through. I think you know what alcohol's plan is. A tragic accident, or assault, waking up dead. Your challenge is to beat it to the punch.
While you're doing the hardest parts, have faith that most of us here actually enjoy life more without useing/drinking. Talk to some folks who have been at it awhile. Many of us craved, thought it was a social death sentence, or that we'd never have fun again. -all part of the trick!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
That sounds horribly scary and dangerous. You are not insane, you are an alcoholic. I think many of us have put ourselves in dangerous situations while drinking. The only way to prevent that from happening again is to stop drinking alcohol.
You CAN do this. You CAN get sober. Call one of the numbers you got at the AA meeting. Ask about meetings for younger people. I promise you, especially in a big city, you will find hundreds of other people like you. Being sober will open up a whole new world of possibility for you. As it is now you are going downhill fast.
I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, she has been sober for many years now. I remember several years ago she posted on Facebook just before New Year's Eve. She was in her mid 20's at the time. She asked her friends "any Friend's of Bill parties going on for NYE?" (Friend's of Bill as you probably know means people in AA or just simply sober people) She was met with TONS of suggestions for things to do. From costume parties to yoga/meditation by candlelight events, a formal, catered ball to live music events. I think she ended up at a sober rave somewhere and had a blast.
My point is there are hundreds of thousands of people around you looking to live a sober life and DOING it and having a great time. Surround yourself with people like that, learn from them and most importantly lean on them when you are feeling weak.
Best of luck to you, be careful out there.
You CAN do this. You CAN get sober. Call one of the numbers you got at the AA meeting. Ask about meetings for younger people. I promise you, especially in a big city, you will find hundreds of other people like you. Being sober will open up a whole new world of possibility for you. As it is now you are going downhill fast.
I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, she has been sober for many years now. I remember several years ago she posted on Facebook just before New Year's Eve. She was in her mid 20's at the time. She asked her friends "any Friend's of Bill parties going on for NYE?" (Friend's of Bill as you probably know means people in AA or just simply sober people) She was met with TONS of suggestions for things to do. From costume parties to yoga/meditation by candlelight events, a formal, catered ball to live music events. I think she ended up at a sober rave somewhere and had a blast.
My point is there are hundreds of thousands of people around you looking to live a sober life and DOING it and having a great time. Surround yourself with people like that, learn from them and most importantly lean on them when you are feeling weak.
Best of luck to you, be careful out there.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
That sounds horribly scary and dangerous. You are not insane, you are an alcoholic. I think many of us have put ourselves in dangerous situations while drinking. The only way to prevent that from happening again is to stop drinking alcohol.
You CAN do this. You CAN get sober. Call one of the numbers you got at the AA meeting. Ask about meetings for younger people. I promise you, especially in a big city, you will find hundreds of other people like you. Being sober will open up a whole new world of possibility for you. As it is now you are going downhill fast.
I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, she has been sober for many years now. I remember several years ago she posted on Facebook just before New Year's Eve. She was in her mid 20's at the time. She asked her friends "any Friend's of Bill parties going on for NYE?" (Friend's of Bill as you probably know means people in AA or just simply sober people) She was met with TONS of suggestions for things to do. From costume parties to yoga/meditation by candlelight events, a formal, catered ball to live music events. I think she ended up at a sober rave somewhere and had a blast.
My point is there are hundreds of thousands of people around you looking to live a sober life and DOING it and having a great time. Surround yourself with people like that, learn from them and most importantly lean on them when you are feeling weak.
Best of luck to you, be careful out there.
You CAN do this. You CAN get sober. Call one of the numbers you got at the AA meeting. Ask about meetings for younger people. I promise you, especially in a big city, you will find hundreds of other people like you. Being sober will open up a whole new world of possibility for you. As it is now you are going downhill fast.
I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, she has been sober for many years now. I remember several years ago she posted on Facebook just before New Year's Eve. She was in her mid 20's at the time. She asked her friends "any Friend's of Bill parties going on for NYE?" (Friend's of Bill as you probably know means people in AA or just simply sober people) She was met with TONS of suggestions for things to do. From costume parties to yoga/meditation by candlelight events, a formal, catered ball to live music events. I think she ended up at a sober rave somewhere and had a blast.
My point is there are hundreds of thousands of people around you looking to live a sober life and DOING it and having a great time. Surround yourself with people like that, learn from them and most importantly lean on them when you are feeling weak.
Best of luck to you, be careful out there.
! One of the more devastating side effects of alcoholism is the isolation, the feeling that we are the ONLY one who has screwed up this badly, thought these thoughts, has been so weak, and on and on and on. But that is a LIE and if you attend AA (or whichever group appeals to you...it's the group support that is important), you will feel instant relief and know that you are not alone. There are millions...billions...who have felt what you have, done what you have and taken steps to address their illness. Along the way, there is pain, but also laughter and healing and I PROMISE YOU that a sober life is the best gift you will ever give yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozone Park, NY
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
That sounds horribly scary and dangerous. You are not insane, you are an alcoholic. I think many of us have put ourselves in dangerous situations while drinking. The only way to prevent that from happening again is to stop drinking alcohol.
You CAN do this. You CAN get sober. Call one of the numbers you got at the AA meeting. Ask about meetings for younger people. I promise you, especially in a big city, you will find hundreds of other people like you. Being sober will open up a whole new world of possibility for you. As it is now you are going downhill fast.
I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, she has been sober for many years now. I remember several years ago she posted on Facebook just before New Year's Eve. She was in her mid 20's at the time. She asked her friends "any Friend's of Bill parties going on for NYE?" (Friend's of Bill as you probably know means people in AA or just simply sober people) She was met with TONS of suggestions for things to do. From costume parties to yoga/meditation by candlelight events, a formal, catered ball to live music events. I think she ended up at a sober rave somewhere and had a blast.
My point is there are hundreds of thousands of people around you looking to live a sober life and DOING it and having a great time. Surround yourself with people like that, learn from them and most importantly lean on them when you are feeling weak.
Best of luck to you, be careful out there.
You CAN do this. You CAN get sober. Call one of the numbers you got at the AA meeting. Ask about meetings for younger people. I promise you, especially in a big city, you will find hundreds of other people like you. Being sober will open up a whole new world of possibility for you. As it is now you are going downhill fast.
I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn, she has been sober for many years now. I remember several years ago she posted on Facebook just before New Year's Eve. She was in her mid 20's at the time. She asked her friends "any Friend's of Bill parties going on for NYE?" (Friend's of Bill as you probably know means people in AA or just simply sober people) She was met with TONS of suggestions for things to do. From costume parties to yoga/meditation by candlelight events, a formal, catered ball to live music events. I think she ended up at a sober rave somewhere and had a blast.
My point is there are hundreds of thousands of people around you looking to live a sober life and DOING it and having a great time. Surround yourself with people like that, learn from them and most importantly lean on them when you are feeling weak.
Best of luck to you, be careful out there.
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
From one New Yorker to another, understand that you are far from insane. You are dealing with a battle that is extremely hard and to many, extremely socially acceptable. Early on when you quit, you generally go through a "mourning" period. You will feel like you are losing a good friend or something important in your life. Understand, I can't think of anything that I do that would need alcohol involved to do it. You live in an area with countless things to do, see, and experience...all that can be done without alcohol. Tell others that are close to you about the life changes you want to make and I pray they will be able to help you along the way. Keep coming here to SR! Read and post as much as you can. It really helps. I wish you all the best.
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