Simpleman1979

Hey everybody, hope you’re doing good. I was just going to think (type) out loud for a minute. I’m a frequent SR lurker/reader and am very grateful for this group of people. I relate to nearly everything everyone posts and get a lot of motivation and insight because of it.

Here’s the lowdown: I’m in this crazy cycle where I honestly don’t even enjoy the effects of alcohol anymore. It doesn’t give me the warm, fuzzy feeling it used to, yet I insist on drinking myself to sleep most nights. Why?? I can go several days without it and have no issues at all..feel better, sleep better, think better, look better etc…yet I go back to it. It’s like once I figure out I can go without it, I think “I’m ok, it’s ok to get hammered tonight.” I just don’t enjoy it anymore. However, I’m extremely bored with life and I live in a very isolated (out in the woods in a cabin like the old days) area and have struggled to find work since finishing my Master’s because we live in the most depressed part of the country. I also have a good deal of emotional issues that I’ve been unravelling over the past few years because of my highly dysfunctional family that I feel like I’m making some headway on. However, when I drink it really unlocks a lot of suppressed emotions and most of the time it’s a feeling like wanting to cry. I have the most incredible wife on Earth and enjoy every minute I spend with her but for some reason still insist, at 8pm most nights, start drinking myself to sleep. ???? I keep telling myself that once we move somewhere else and start over with good jobs, better quality of life, etc, it will get better but I’m wondering how valid this feeling actually is. How effective is a change in environment for the alcoholic?

(I also wanted to include a couple of resources that have helped me greatly to wrap my head around these issues and start daily habits to attempt to counteract the booze and relieve boredom. While I haven’t achieved abstinence yet, they really help me. The first is a guy named Ed Wyrick who has a website documenting his battle with addiction/junk food/inactivity and his evolution into a fit, healthy, marathon-running man. The second is a guy on Youtube who has been documenting his sobriety for a year or so, day by day. Both very good resources.)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTq...PjkDjOrpuyKfTg

I consider everyone here a friend and am grateful for your time. Any advice, thoughts, or concerns are greatly appreciated and humbly accepted. Thanks for reading!

FreeOwl

I'm glad you shared.

You sound like you're along that path to sobriety..... I hope that you choose it firmly, soon, with all you've got.

There is so much brighter a life for you. There is so much goodness and richness and abundance. Alcohol is a big fat lie. And I can see in your words that you already know it.

May you find the strength, courage, motivation and determination to choose it NOW.... because every single day spent stuck in that middle ground of addiction is another day tossed aside.

And every single day spent in sobriety is another day of growth and presence and the honest experience of this precious, limited life.

Stick around, we're glad to have you here.

doggonecarl

Alcoholics drink. Period. With reasons, without reasons, it doesn't matter. We drink. You've been on SR a year. Bet lots of drinking in that year. A lot of reasons to drink too. But one constant. Drinking.

That can stop today, if you are ready to accept that not drinking--ever again--is the solution.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan bud ?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

OpenTuning

Well done for posting, and thinking about your relationship with alcohol. It feels like you know the answer lies with not drinking. And I certainly wouldn't put that off till you move. I've seen lots of posts on here from people who hoped moving to a new location/job/relationship would solve their drinking problem and being disappointed. I've never seen anyone say yes, moving to a new place solved my drinking issues.

One of the great things about SR is it covers so many different approaches to sobriety, AA, AVRT, SMART etc. There's no one size fits all. Look around, read through the different forums, and see what resonates for you.

Good luck with your journey to sobriety. I made the decision to quit over 5 months ago, and can't begin to tell you how much better life is this way. It's so, so worth it.

thomas11

Sounds like an intelligent approach to me. You realize you have a problem, now you need to address it. Let me ask; if it doesn't "work" for you anymore, why do you continue? If it is for sleep, I'm sure you could find something different that doesn't cause hangovers and is not as expensive, maybe?

svenissober

Thought on "The Geographical Cure":

" The general remedy of those, who are uneasy without knowing the cause, is change of place; they are willing to imagine that their pain is the consequence of some local inconvenience, and endeavour to fly from it, as children from their shadows; always hoping for more satisfactory delight from every new scene, and always returning home with disappointments and complaints.

"The fountain of content must spring up in the mind; and that he, who has so little knowledge of human nature, as to seek happiness by changing any thing, but his own dispositions, will waste his life in fruitless efforts, and multiply the griefs which he purposes to remove."

Samuel Johnson, 1750

Simpleman1979

Thanks all for the insightful replies, you are very nice to say such thought provoking things. And wow, the Samuel Johnson quote from the Myth of the Geographical Cure is spot on. It's amazing how accurate ly that quote describes what I was thinking. Many thanks for sharing, I wrote it in my journal.