Calicofish

I stayed overnight at a friends place a couple of days ago and we ordered in pizza for supper. She asked me if I wanted a beer and I said no, I'll just have water. I've spoke with this friend before about why I don't drink and how it just caused me so many problems. She said that she was able to moderate her drinking from her wild days (and she can). Me - no. Anyway, when she asked me if I wanted a beer (knowing that I gave up drinking) I once again said - no thanks - as much as it would be great to have a beer with you, I just can't. And she says...oh, yeah - you started to drink alone. Wow - that stung. I don't think she was judging me, just making a statement. It gave me pause though...yup, I drank alone and that's not what a person who doesn't abuse alcohol does.

That didn't make me go off the rails though. I didn't use that as an excuse to throw caution to the wind and say f-it I might as well drink then. I just acknowledge that yes I did that, but I don't do that anymore.

CF

Pondlady

I understand. I was my favorite person to drink with.

biminiblue

That used to be one of the questions on those "Are you an alcoholic?" quizzes.

"Do you drink alone?" Meh, we are so much more than that. I also had a women I know get very indignant when I suggested she could have another glass of wine ( I saw her coming home from a wine-tasting at 2PM.) "I don't drink alone in the middle of the day!!!" Like that somehow is a threshold to never cross.

If it were only that simple.

Anna

I always drank alone, and convinced myself that no one knew about it. Boy was I wrong! I think that part of early recovery is taking a hard look at we did and accepting that we have to forgive ourselves and move on.

Fly N Buy

So did she then drink - alone, as in no one else was drinking with her? I rarely drank alone if I consider the fact there were other people somewhere in the house.

I had a drinking friend sting me with a similar comment when I quit drinking - I don't understand why you can't moderate?? He had just gotten his first DUI........a few weeks later he stopped by - nice interlock device....

Good for you on staying on track, thanks for sharing that vital experience

tomsteve

after getting sober one thing i realized that even in a crowded bar or even around friends i was drinking alone.

glad ya were able to acknowledge it was old behavior.

Calicofish

Yes, she did drink. I never thought about it that way. But, I think the difference, at least for me, is that she only had the one beer, whereas I'd have wanted to drink to get buzzed.

CF

Calicofish

Yeah I agree. I bet there are plenty of "normal" drinkers who have, on occasion, had a drink while alone. I found that question to be problematic - because if one were to answer "yes" to any of those questions the result is always that one has a drinking problem.

CF

Saskia

Good for you, Calico!

thomas11

Hi Calicofish, I can share this with everyone. I had a drinking problem, at times pretty bad. My parents (alcoholics in denial) would constantly be up my a$$ about my drinking. I'm in my late 40's and they still talked to me like a teenager about my drinking. Here's the kicker, every time I go over there, the first thing they say is "do you want a drink?". I mean wtf? Some people don't get it.

Time2Rise

I rarely drank alone. Maybe a dozen times at most over the last 5 years. I needed to be around people. It was no fun getting drunk alone. Being in a bar or nightclub was a big part of my obsession. And when thoughts of drinking pop up, they always include seductive visions of sitting at a bar, drinking and socializing with the other drinking patrons (of course, those visions never include the horrible consequences that came along with my bar visits).

We drinkers have a lot of similarities, but also many differences IMO.

Frank14

I used to brew beer and would always drink alone. I mean, I had about 40 gallons on tap. What was I supposed to do, invite a bunch of people over so I could have company and in some way that would mean I didn't have a drinking problem?

My problem was that I was an angry drunk, so if I drank around people I'd always want to pick a fight with someone. Oh well...

Dee74

I'm sorry that casual observation hurt.

The point is we're so much more than that, as Bim said, and you're not even there anymore. You've done an amazing thing

Be glad of who you are, and try to put 'who you were' in its proper perspective, CF

D

wehav2day

Heck yeah I drank alone! I drank with people, I drank with people in another room, I drank in every way imaginable really. it's not who I am anymore, and one comment isn't going to make me go there again. Of course it stings, we used to be people who drank alone and a whole host of other stigmatized stuff. But it's not who we are anymore.

I bet you like who you are becoming. No silly comments from others can take that away from you.

HideorSeek

I understand, Calico. We are sensitive people, in general IMO. But I doubt her comments were intended to hurt you. Some people can, some people can't, some people shouldn't, but do...it is important to know yourself and be be comfortable in your decision, which it sounds as if you were. For too long, I KNEW I was in the "can't" category, but spent a lot of time in the "shouldn't" but did it anyway category. It was such a relief to finally settle into the "can't" and leave behind that delusional, wishful thinking.