hpdw

So So much like me SoberRunner , a near mirror image .Im glad you posted . Im just out of a 4 day binge and still not very well although back at work .

Calicofish , you said that so well about the brief glowing feeling that lasts a few minutes , trying to hold on to it but it just goes and were once again left with the black feeling of despair . Looking at that last 3 inches of wine knowing that's the supply finished and the store is closed . Its madness

I feel so sad tonight but happy to read all your posts .

Bless you all

SoberRunner

Thank you for the replies!! I had to take a day and let everything sink in...

Today I'm feeling a bit blah. Not because I feel hungover or bad for drinking wine on Thurs, but more so a bit blah thinking about having to axe wine out of my life. And, I know I'm just supposed to take it day by day but it's still making me feel like I've lost something. I know that sounds silly though...

These are just a few of my current thoughts, and probably why I never make it past 30 days. I guess I'm in the I-know-I-need-to-but-I-don't-want-to phase.

Pondlady

I kind of thought if I stopped for a bit, I could go back to enjoying a glass of wine here or there. I couldn't honestly believe I'd never drink wine again. I was fooling myself. It does get better, you just can't imagine it now...just like you can't imagine not drinking.....we promise

Dee74

That sense of loss, of fearing life will be blah has been a bit of a running theme with you - no pun intended - for a long time now...

Biot trying to be harsh, but you've not really had enough experience of 'being sober' to properly evaluate it.

Maybe it could be good to leaf through all your past posts and write down, on paper, exactly what the experience of drinking has given you lately - maybe it's not such a loss at all.

Maybe what you fear losing is an idealised construct you have in your head of what drinking should be like...



but I don't think it's your reality.

D

SoberRunner

Yeah, logically (and based on my previous sober time), I know you guys are right but tend to ignore logic and talk myself into drinking when the mood strikes.

Lol. Very true, D!! I'm like a broken record.

At times, when I'm typing my responses, I'm thinking to myself, "You always say this!!"
It's madness I tell you; madness. Unfortunately, I've been saying/thinking the same thing for 10+ years. And, the only reason I have 4 years of sobriety is because I was dating a non-drinker. I drank when we first met but that didn't last very long, because I'd rather spend time with who I'm dating than party/drink. Now, I'm trying to axe drinking on my own but it's not working. Clearly.

I'll take your advice and look through my posts. Thank you for the idea!

MelindaFlowers

I mourned alcohol when I stopped. I cried easily and daily for the first few weeks.

Once you get a year away from it you simply cannot believe how false and misplaced those feelings were. Although I was working full time professional etc., alcohol skewed my rational thinking abilities. I was not mentally well to miss a liquid that made me feel like s---. Mourning a drink?! Oh, right, I was an addict. I was a white collar professional, no dui, no criminal history, good crluck sit, but I was a serious, serious alcoholic.

Like the old example of the abusive relationship, it is EXACTLY the same. You miss the man who beat you, stole from you, and humiliated you until one day you wonder, why the F did I miss HIM?!

SoberRunner

That's a great analogy!! I've never thought of it like that... Depending on the situation you're in, someone who doesn't struggle with said situation will always say/think, "Why would you do ____!? That makes no sense."

SoberRunner

I'm writing my list right now... There are only 2 pros and I'm on con #18 right now. Wow. I feel so silly... I guess I need to read my list every morning too.

Soberwolf

How its going ?

SoberRunner

Oh, just the typical weekend... Today is another Day 1 and my goal is to make it to Day 14.

Thank you for asking!

herschy

Hi SoberRunner. I see myself written all over your post. I too, have a serious drinking problem, with wine being my choice as well. I can't have one glass, one bottle. Before I know it I've downed two to three bottles a night, and it's having serious effects on my job, my health, my life. Wait, life, I'm not sure what that is anymore. But, here I sit and rationalize. Struggling like crazy to make it through today, without alcohol. Good look to you in your journey, and thanks for posting.

SoberRunner

Hi Herschy,

Thank you for responding! Let's just focus on today being a wine-free day. I'll PM you this evening to check in and see how you're doing. I've always found it's easier for me to not drink when I have people checking up on me and holding me accountable.

Hang in there! We'll chat soon.

Calicofish

Don't feel silly.
I made a list and put it as a memo on my phone. The list relatively short but it's all cons. This is my list:

- high blood pressure
- anxiety
- red nose and face
- bloated
- weight gain
- memory loss
- saying/texting stupid things
- hangovers
- shakes
- expensive
- it will kill me.

Whenever I think about a drink, I look at my list.

CF

Jsbodhi

Hi! Wine is my poison too, I spent the better part of a year trying to moderate.
Even when I was successful and didn't cause any problems, I still lived in a fog for a couple days after, get insomnia and anxiety.
So even though I might have been drinking one bottle a week, it was screwing up everything for days after.
Xo

tufty13

Hi Sober Runner,

I hope you are well.

There's some cracking advice on this thread, people are clearly empathising with your situation and you can add me to that number.

I joined a wine club a few years back, one of those "direct from the vineyard" types. Oh man I loved the wine I bought.

The mellow but flavoursome Riojas, the outrageously pungent New Zealand Pinot Noirs, the Chilean Pinot Grigios packed with fruity notes.

How I loved my wine, I used to think, "yes, this is so me, I've arrived".

The truth is, the only place I'd arrived was a place where I could excuse my drinking because of my love of fine wine. My wife even bought me a posh crystal wine glass, the type you can get a third of a bottle in and still swill it around to get plenty of air in.....I think that's termed as "opening it up".

At that point I don't think I had a physical addiction to alcohol but I most definitely had an emotional addiction.

Two weeks ago I couldn't imagine never drinking wine again, absolutely no way. Now I can't imagine ever drinking wine again.

Wow, it's an amazing place to be, I have such a clear head, everything is brighter and better. I'm seeing and being more clearly than I have been for 38 years.

Life is fuller, so full that there's no room left even for a glass of Pomerol (£70 for a "nothing special" vintage).

Trust me and believe me that now I can see things for what they really were, wine was robbing me of a pleasurable life from right under my nose (pun intended), it gave me nothing but a crap life and a broken marriage.

Please don't be under any illusion that the loss of wine in your life is anything other than just that - an illusion.

Good luck Sober Runner, I really, really hope this is the start of a brilliant new way of being for you.

SoberRunner

Tufty, we could literally be twins..

SR, it's nice to know I'm not alone with the wine issue. I feel like wine is taking over our lives as a society--no matter where you go, I feel like having a lot of wine is acceptable but "beer and liquor" needs to be rationed out. And, this type of thinking has slipped into my lifestyle. But, like a previous poster said (Tufty in his 1st post on this thread), it's all alcohol and for some reason, I've started viewing it differently. I need to work on that!