Frank14

All addictive voices are invited to drink with me tomorrow night. By the way, I’m Frank’s AV, and he has no clue I’m on here, so don’t say anything. Better yet, it would be good if the moderators closed out Frank’s account and kicked him off this site. Please kick him off. You guys have been a real pain in my side and are making it difficult to do my thing. I almost had Frank a couple of days ago. I mean, I was really close to getting him to drink. He actually held the glass to his lips; it doesn’t get any closer than that. I just couldn’t quite seal the deal. Unfortunately, he got some encouragement from you nosey busy-bodies. Since I brought up the moderators, are you still here? Why don’t you guys go to another thread. There’s nothing to see here. To be blunt, why don’t you go “moderate” yourselves, if you know what I mean. Lol!

As for those of you who have a long stretch of sobriety, if you want to drink with us tomorrow night, then you’re more than welcome. Otherwise, move on. Why are you even on this thread if you have no intention of drinking? I know, I know, you bunch of “do-gooders” are going to try and talk us out of it. Do us a favor and mind your own business. And, those little milestones you talk about while you’re fist bumping, chest pounding, and patting yourselves on the back? It just makes us feel even worse because we know we’ll never get to that point. Good for you. Congratulations. Now, leave us the heck alone. Go “piss off” as my friends in the UK like to say.

Ok, it looks like I got rid of them. Now it’s just us addictive voices, and we don’t need to worry about being bothered. Friday night is just 24 hours away, and I’ve been thinking about drinking for a week or so. Haven’t you? For me, I’m stopping off on the way home and picking up a nice Belgian Ale, Piraat to be exact. Oh, yeah, I’ve planned this out. I’ll hide the bottles in my back pack, so I can bring them into the house undetected. I’ll even chill them in the garage freezer for about 30 minutes so no one sees (hide under frozen veggies). Leave it to me, I’ve thought of everything.

Since we’re going to be “falling off the wagon, taking a slight break, or attempting moderate drinking,” let’s plan on bringing some good stuff. I forgot to tell you, this is most certainly a “bring your own booze” event. Sorry if I didn’t make that clear. If vodka is your drink of choice, then bring some Grey Goose. If you’re Joe six pack, then pick up a great micro-brew. If you’re the wine aficionado, then get a pricey bottle. We know you’re drinking cheap booze regularly to keep those costs down, but this Friday you deserve something nice. Maybe some of us can even start drinking in moderation again like a normal drinker. How great would this be? For some of us, maybe we get back on the wagon, and this is just a one-time celebration, just a break from the daily grind. After all, alcohol is a natural tranquilizer, right? It’s been around for thousands of years. It surely must be better than those meds they’re prescribing. Alcohol is all natural and organic!

I’m imagining that first drink. How magical it is! I’ve been a little on edge due to this daily sobriety struggle. This will alleviate the little bit of sleep issues, and certainly anxiety I’ve been dealing with. Work, kids, significant other, bills, arguments, these are things we don’t need to worry about tonight. After a few drinks we can relax and just enjoy that comforting buzz. You know I’m not stopping at this point. Are you? Of course not. Let’s really ride this wave and enjoy ourselves. We have all night and no one to bother us. I’m about halfway through my movie at this point, how about you?

I’m really feeling good now. Remind me why we stopped drinking again. These fools on SR are just kidding themselves. They’re torturing themselves for no reason. I’m pretty tired, so I’m not going to finish the movie. Maybe I’ll stop and watch something else. In fact, I’m getting the munchies. Let me see what’s in the fridge. I always get hungry late at night when I’m drinking. After this I’ll just crash in my bed, but I’m really enjoying this. Oh, and finally I’ll be assured a good night’s sleep. Good night everyone. Maybe we can drink again Saturday night? This was great.

This is Frank, and morning is here. Apparently my addictive voice is still passed out. It looks like you guys had a real party last night. Oh, hell. I’ve got a throbbing headache, and I feel a little nauseous. Where the heck is my antacid and aspirin. I’ve got to take the kids to their soccer games. This isn’t going to be fun. Where the heck are my car keys? I’m going to be late. I feel like I’ve eaten a bag of sand. My mouth is so dry and I feel dehydrated. I’ve got to get the kids something to eat.

Remind me to never do this again. The rest of you can go ahead without me. There goes my whole Saturday. This is going to be torture dealing with this all day. I’m not eating breakfast, and I don’t even think I can have lunch today.

Hopefully this starts to wear off later this afternoon. I’m so tired, and it feels like I slept on the floor or something. How much sleep did I actually get? How late was I up? I do remember eating something really late. What movie was I watching? I remember something about a cop tracking down some killer or something. I think I got into some type of argument with a moderator on the forum or something. What in the world did I say? Ugh, this isn’t the first time this type of thing has happened. I guess I’ll have to apologize to someone about something. Great.

Now I feel really guilty and like crap. I’m such a flipping loser. I hate myself. What a complete loser. I was doing so well with my sobriety. I was coming on SR frequently, and I was feeling really good. What in the world have I done now? I’m now going to have to start on day 1 again. Hopefully I haven’t pissed everyone off. I sure hope I can hear about those success stories, you know, those who have managed to make those sobriety milestones. Those posts gave me so much hope. After all, if they can do it, so can I. It is possible, isn’t it?

Wait a minute, it’s Thursday! Friday night isn’t even here yet. We really didn’t drink. Thank God it was only a bad nightmare. There’s no way in heck I’m drinking again. No, I’ll be reading SR and having some ice cream this Friday night. I think the daily sobriety struggle is a lot easier than getting on that drunken roller coaster again. I mean, I did have a life before I started drinking and I was able to handle things. Thank God this drinking AV party didn't actually occur. I don’t think I ever want to go down that road again. Do you?

BixBees505

Hilarious, Frank...man, you called out many many AV tricks of the trade! Ever read "The Screwtape Letters"? You could be the next CS Lewis!

Soberwolf

Frank I loved your post but your giving too much oxygen to that AV

Good time to plan your sober friday night btw what is your plan bud

BixBees505

Oooo.. Didn't even think of that. You are a good friend to the new and the weak, SW.

Andysob

Thanks Fred I got a blast of
that

"been there done that don't need to this weekend "

secretchord

I hear this line A LOT.

adelina123

Oh yes I've had that same discussion in my head LOTS of times too

zombob

Glad you made it through the "drink to lips" episode Frank.

thomas11

Great post Frank. Very creative approach. And oh-so true.

Gonnachange

That was a very enjoyable read. Well done!

SoberLeigh

Very good and very original post, Frank. You know the demonic AV well.

Quirky

Frank that was a fun read! Thank God it was just a nightmare!

Frank14

My AV moved about 3 bar stools down from me, and I think he passed out onto the floor, so no worries for a while

dwtbd

"No"
"Nope"
And any variation thereof will always deflate that windbag and with time (time takes time @SR) it will become a lot less puffy and long winded.
Great post, starve it out! But ..eh..three bar stools down? Find a different counter

Healthygoals

Great post, hahaha thank you!

venuscat

No, I don't.

Awesome post Frank ~ you could submit it to the Grapevine if you wanted....