Happiness, neutral, or depression.
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Happiness, neutral, or depression.
I am thinking back to when I was 60 days and above sober earlier this year. I was no longer depressed but I was not happy either. During that time I wonder if there was something the matter with me. I didn't know what else to term it so I use: neutral.
My gf is off the wall happy! She smiles 80% of the time she is awake, positive outlook on life, and just has a happy aura about her. Me on the other had am just always neutral about life.
Are most people genuinely happy about life or are most people like me: indifferent and neutral?
What is your experience of happiness, neutrality or depression after being sober for a few months?
My gf is off the wall happy! She smiles 80% of the time she is awake, positive outlook on life, and just has a happy aura about her. Me on the other had am just always neutral about life.
Are most people genuinely happy about life or are most people like me: indifferent and neutral?
What is your experience of happiness, neutrality or depression after being sober for a few months?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
My experience is that moods change.... they lift and they sink and they swirl and they take on as many shapes as the weather. Like the winds, they blow. Like the leaves they emerge and bloom and grow, then wither and dry and fall and rot.
Moods and emotions are as ever-changing as all the rest of everything in the Universe.
And so, what has become most important is how I view them. And how I choose to respond.
Even when we're feeling 'netural' - we can choose a happy thought. When we're depressed, we can experience our depression with curiosity. We can roll into it, diving deep and clinging to its darkness. When we're happy, we can celebrate it - or mistrust it.
The thing about moods and emotions is that I spent a lot of my life trying to make it all be about 'happy'. I used chemicals to try and kill the ups and downs. I wanted the 'fun' and the 'elated' all the time. I thought 'sad' and 'neutral' were bad.
But they're not bad, they're human. Early sobriety (like, the first couple years) can be really volatile. But the volatility moves into something more like regularity. Cycles become smoother and less intense. We learn as we experience our emotions. We become more comfortable with them. We relax into them. We allow them simply to Be.
Hang in there.
Moods and emotions are as ever-changing as all the rest of everything in the Universe.
And so, what has become most important is how I view them. And how I choose to respond.
Even when we're feeling 'netural' - we can choose a happy thought. When we're depressed, we can experience our depression with curiosity. We can roll into it, diving deep and clinging to its darkness. When we're happy, we can celebrate it - or mistrust it.
The thing about moods and emotions is that I spent a lot of my life trying to make it all be about 'happy'. I used chemicals to try and kill the ups and downs. I wanted the 'fun' and the 'elated' all the time. I thought 'sad' and 'neutral' were bad.
But they're not bad, they're human. Early sobriety (like, the first couple years) can be really volatile. But the volatility moves into something more like regularity. Cycles become smoother and less intense. We learn as we experience our emotions. We become more comfortable with them. We relax into them. We allow them simply to Be.
Hang in there.
)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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I don't think "happiness" can really be measured, and outward appearance isn't always a good gauge of how "happy" anyone is.
I would say that i'm definitely more satisfied with my life sober. I'm not a very outgoing or "bubbly" person like your girlfriend either, but that doesn't mean i'm not happy with my life.
Don't forget too that your personality existed before during and after you got sober. Being sober will change it, but sobriety itself is only one of many factors that make us who we are. And sometimes we need help with "who we are"...as in therapy or self help to improve ourselves.
I would say that i'm definitely more satisfied with my life sober. I'm not a very outgoing or "bubbly" person like your girlfriend either, but that doesn't mean i'm not happy with my life.
Don't forget too that your personality existed before during and after you got sober. Being sober will change it, but sobriety itself is only one of many factors that make us who we are. And sometimes we need help with "who we are"...as in therapy or self help to improve ourselves.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Don't forget too that your personality existed before during and after you got sober. Being sober will change it, but sobriety itself is only one of many factors that make us who we are. And sometimes we need help with "who we are"...as in therapy or self help to improve ourselves.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
My experience is that moods change.... they lift and they sink and they swirl and they take on as many shapes as the weather. Like the winds, they blow. Like the leaves they emerge and bloom and grow, then wither and dry and fall and rot.
Moods and emotions are as ever-changing as all the rest of everything in the Universe.
And so, what has become most important is how I view them. And how I choose to respond.
Even when we're feeling 'netural' - we can choose a happy thought. When we're depressed, we can experience our depression with curiosity. We can roll into it, diving deep and clinging to its darkness. When we're happy, we can celebrate it - or mistrust it.
The thing about moods and emotions is that I spent a lot of my life trying to make it all be about 'happy'. I used chemicals to try and kill the ups and downs. I wanted the 'fun' and the 'elated' all the time. I thought 'sad' and 'neutral' were bad.
But they're not bad, they're human. Early sobriety (like, the first couple years) can be really volatile. But the volatility moves into something more like regularity. Cycles become smoother and less intense. We learn as we experience our emotions. We become more comfortable with them. We relax into them. We allow them simply to Be.
Hang in there.
Moods and emotions are as ever-changing as all the rest of everything in the Universe.
And so, what has become most important is how I view them. And how I choose to respond.
Even when we're feeling 'netural' - we can choose a happy thought. When we're depressed, we can experience our depression with curiosity. We can roll into it, diving deep and clinging to its darkness. When we're happy, we can celebrate it - or mistrust it.
The thing about moods and emotions is that I spent a lot of my life trying to make it all be about 'happy'. I used chemicals to try and kill the ups and downs. I wanted the 'fun' and the 'elated' all the time. I thought 'sad' and 'neutral' were bad.
But they're not bad, they're human. Early sobriety (like, the first couple years) can be really volatile. But the volatility moves into something more like regularity. Cycles become smoother and less intense. We learn as we experience our emotions. We become more comfortable with them. We relax into them. We allow them simply to Be.
Hang in there.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
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Originally Posted by GoesWithTheFlow
I don't remember what my personality was when I was sober... come to think of it I was a teenager. I guess I have to discover who I am as an adult male without the booze... kind of sad if you think about it: Adult man still has no clue who he is and needs to discover himself... that just sounds off to me..
To varying extents, a lot of us have had to do exactly that: discover who we were in sobriety because by the time we stopped drinking, we honestly didn't really know.
Sometimes you'll hear the phrase "grateful alcoholic." It means that if we hadn't endured the hellish journey into the depths of alcoholism, we would never have had the motivation to undertake the journey of recovery and discover an authentic self.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 210
My thinking tends to be cynical and in the negative direction even in sobriety. I do have a great life but I tend to take the positives for granted. I am working on gratitude to counter this. It's a muscle I really have to try and work out.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I suffer with depression some days it can be heavy as a bag of rocks and then weeks can go by where I'm positive (I always try to remain positive) happiness for me comes in many shapes & forms and I value happiness as a gift
My brother in law always says PMA positive mental attitude
It takes double the muscles to frown than it does to smile so even when I'm down I try to remain positive plus its healthy for the body mind & soul
The stress negativity brings to anyone's body mind & soul is really harmful stress causes muscle aches anger resentment all that bad crap I'm trying to stay away from
I think what is most important about your post is perception (how you see it)
Fwiw I think this is a great thread
My brother in law always says PMA positive mental attitude
It takes double the muscles to frown than it does to smile so even when I'm down I try to remain positive plus its healthy for the body mind & soul
The stress negativity brings to anyone's body mind & soul is really harmful stress causes muscle aches anger resentment all that bad crap I'm trying to stay away from
I think what is most important about your post is perception (how you see it)
Fwiw I think this is a great thread
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by GoesWithTheFlow
I am thinking back to when I was 60 days and above sober earlier this year. I was no longer depressed but I was not happy either. During that time I wonder if there was something the matter with me. I didn't know what else to term it so I use: neutral.
My gf is off the wall happy! She smiles 80% of the time she is awake, positive outlook on life, and just has a happy aura about her. Me on the other had am just always neutral about life.
Are most people genuinely happy about life or are most people like me: indifferent and neutral?
What is your experience of happiness, neutrality or depression after being sober for a few months?
My gf is off the wall happy! She smiles 80% of the time she is awake, positive outlook on life, and just has a happy aura about her. Me on the other had am just always neutral about life.
Are most people genuinely happy about life or are most people like me: indifferent and neutral?
What is your experience of happiness, neutrality or depression after being sober for a few months?
As far as I go...meh. I'm here. Not too high, not too low. Just, as you say, neutral. Recently I've started looking for answers. There is a part of me that thinks my small dose of SSRI medication has made me this way. My wife won't let me stop taking it because she knows what I'm like when I don't take it. It could also be that I'm simply sober and not in recovery, I don't know. I guess my point is, I think I know how you feel. At the moment, I'm content being sober. Keep us posted.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I find I am mostly responsible for my mood. And I can do things to help bolster my well being like exercise,eating right and getting adequate sleep. I also choose how I react to external situations and people that are out of my control and I choose how I am treated. It requires practice and mindfulness so I don't tail spin and lose a handle on my coping skills. But when I own my mood and my reactions, I'm usually pretty upbeat. When I play the victim, I am generally pretty down.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 19
Some people are naturally happy, but I've found through the Buddhist community, that most people need to work for it. There are so so many people who create a spiritual practice that centers around gratitude because they want to feel happier and less blah, and definitely suffer less.
Happiness is a practice rather than a state of mind.
Happiness is a practice rather than a state of mind.
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Originally Posted by bodymindheart
Some people are naturally happy, but I've found through the Buddhist community, that most people need to work for it. There are so so many people who create a spiritual practice that centers around gratitude because they want to feel happier and less blah, and definitely suffer less.
Happiness is a practice rather than a state of mind.
Happiness is a practice rather than a state of mind.
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
I find I am mostly responsible for my mood. And I can do things to help bolster my well being like exercise,eating right and getting adequate sleep. I also choose how I react to external situations and people that are out of my control and I choose how I am treated. It requires practice and mindfulness so I don't tail spin and lose a handle on my coping skills. But when I own my mood and my reactions, I'm usually pretty upbeat. When I play the victim, I am generally pretty down.
Originally Posted by thomas11
HI GWF, I can very much relate to what you are saying. My wife is happier than she's been since the first year we were married. She has her husband back. She's elated.
As far as I go...meh. I'm here. Not too high, not too low. Just, as you say, neutral. Recently I've started looking for answers. There is a part of me that thinks my small dose of SSRI medication has made me this way. My wife won't let me stop taking it because she knows what I'm like when I don't take it. It could also be that I'm simply sober and not in recovery, I don't know. I guess my point is, I think I know how you feel. At the moment, I'm content being sober. Keep us posted.
As far as I go...meh. I'm here. Not too high, not too low. Just, as you say, neutral. Recently I've started looking for answers. There is a part of me that thinks my small dose of SSRI medication has made me this way. My wife won't let me stop taking it because she knows what I'm like when I don't take it. It could also be that I'm simply sober and not in recovery, I don't know. I guess my point is, I think I know how you feel. At the moment, I'm content being sober. Keep us posted.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 259
I am also more of a "meh" person with cynical tendencies, but I have also been working on that. Tried to be more of a "yes-woman", and it helps to some extent. But it also got me to situations I didn't really want to be in, which led me to drink to feel comfortable about it...yeah well, if I think about it, most things drove me to drink last years.
I subscribe to the view that our outlook on life to some extent depend on genetic factors, that's why some people can stay positive no matter what tragedies they face. Those who have a natural inclination towards negativity has to work harder to feel happy. I am one of those.
Right now I am only 17 days sober, and I am accepting to be in a "meh" mode. For now, everything except a sensation of panic, deperation or anxiety is ok with me.
But I completely understand you, GoWithTheFlow. My partner is also generally happy and positive. I am envious of that energy, and I am trying to catch on. But I think I'm just genetically wired in a different way, and also brought up in an environment where no one really showed strong emotions. No excessive joy, no real anger or depression - the "meh" state with just a touch of a smile or sadness. So for me I don't think this is a part of my recovery.
I subscribe to the view that our outlook on life to some extent depend on genetic factors, that's why some people can stay positive no matter what tragedies they face. Those who have a natural inclination towards negativity has to work harder to feel happy. I am one of those.
Right now I am only 17 days sober, and I am accepting to be in a "meh" mode. For now, everything except a sensation of panic, deperation or anxiety is ok with me.
But I completely understand you, GoWithTheFlow. My partner is also generally happy and positive. I am envious of that energy, and I am trying to catch on. But I think I'm just genetically wired in a different way, and also brought up in an environment where no one really showed strong emotions. No excessive joy, no real anger or depression - the "meh" state with just a touch of a smile or sadness. So for me I don't think this is a part of my recovery.
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