secretchord

I told her that I stopped drinking to lose weight. She still wants me to come over and just sit with her (while she drinks). Advice??

LBrain

ask her to make a pot of tea

sva777

If you don't feel comfortable then don't go but if you do ask her if she has something else. I doubt she will keep bringing it up since many people don't drink. My mom never has and she goes out with people who do all the time, they don't think twice about it.

doggonecarl

And when she says, "One glass won't make a difference, you can skip desert," what are you going to say?

I don't think you have to tell people you have quit because you think you are an alcoholic, but what is wrong with saying, "Sorry, I don't drink..."?

Unless that isn't the case. Don't leave the door open to drinking.

LexieCat

Why would you want to "sit with someone while she drinks"???

It's one thing to go meet a friend for lunch and she has a glass of wine, it's another to go sit with someone who is doing nothing but drinking while you talk.

Yuck.

secretchord

She wants to visit with me and catch up on things in our lives. I have told her that I will come over for a short while but I'm not drinking.

Dee74

I can't imagine something worse than sitting with someone while they drink.
Did you used to drink together before? I would keep some distance, at least for a while

Then catch up at your place where the rule is no alcohol and you make the coffees

D

Ruby2

On Halloween I took my children trick or treating with a school friend of my son's. The mom and I went with the kids. When we got back to their house, mom asked if I'd like a glass of wine. I responded "I'd LOVE a diet coke if you have it." I didn't say I don't drink, or I quit, or I'm on a diet, or I'm taking medication. I just said no thanks, diet coke please. I think we have to be a little preemptive in self care. Don't box ourselves in.

I don't have a history of drinking with this mom. But I was worried about this happening as she had mentioned it before. If you're uncomfortable about going, reschedule on your terms.

Fly N Buy

One of the more painful things that kept me drinking for many years was seeking advice, receiving honest wisdom and refusing to take any suggestions.

At some point I simply stopped asking and kept drinking for another 10 years.......
We are our own worst enemy sometimes.

If you are that close to do a must catch up in early sobriety while she drinks, why the deception about what your going through?? You may find additional support.......

Frank14

If wine was your drink of choice, then I can certainly understand how this might be difficult. I'm a really private, closed, non-trusting person by nature, but I have to tell you, being completely honest with people recently has been a pleasant eye-opener. Depending on the person, relationship, etc., exposing your vulnerabilities can be a good thing, but obviously you'd need to determine that for yourself. After all, if this isn't someone you can trust and they won't be supportive, then why would you want to go over to their house and "catch up?"

I'm proud of my sobriety, and I don't think it's something to be embarrassed about or hide, but that's just me.

secretchord

Well, I made it. Still sober. I drank tea. She drank mikes lemonade which made it easier. It was a nice visit. It was even nicer not having to regret something I would've said drunk.

SoberLeigh

Glad that it went well, secretchord.

biminiblue

Well done, SC. I'm proud of you!

SoberLife90

I just tell people that I don't drink. You don't need to go into detail how your an alcoholic...but if someone asked me why I would tell them the truth. Honesty is a major part of m recovery and I'm not going to make up lies about why I don't drink. I have told people that I used to drink but I have changed my life around and now I don't. Keep it simple.

LexieCat

Glad it worked out. I don't think I'd make a habit of it, though...

teatreeoil007

As someone still new in your sobriety, I cannot see where this situation would be very good for you....If you two wish to get to know one another better there are far more positive things you could do besides sitting there while she drinks wine. How about coffee? Tea? Go for a walk, shopping, go to a park... many other healthy choices available. May you make the best choice for you and your sobriety. (smile)

teatreeoil007

WhooopS! Sorry, I didn't read far enough along in the thread before posting my response. Well, good job on abstaining. Smile, m'friend!

juppe

I have the solution: never EVER get involved with your neighbors I realize this probably isn't normal/healthy behavior but you could say I learned the hard way! Congrats on not drinking

Soberwolf

Good job SC glad you got through it