blueberry2015

Despite good intentions, im sooo off track. My husband needs to stop justifying and agreeing my need to drink. He means well but does not fully understand my addiction. I am inevitably drunk.

biminiblue

I'm going to suggest that you ignore your husband's thoughts on drinking.

This is down to you. You are an adult and must make responsible decisions for your life, regardless of what your husband says.

Blaming your husband is not taking any agency in what happens to you.

I hope you can get back to Day One soon, it's not going to get better.

blueberry2015

I blame no one. My doctor has referred me to a shrink. Im not coping full stop.

feeling-good

bimininbue is right I'm afraid. Make the decision for yourself that you are not going to drink and stick to it

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you could seek some more local help? Meetings for example?

zombob

If I had a nickle for every time I said/did the same thing.....Never worked out for me and never will. Hope you make it back soon Blue.

feeling-good

Blueberry - no shrink my doctor has ever referred me to has actually ever helped me with alcoholism sadly. However, that's not to say they won't help you in other ways but the waiting list might be longer than you would expect.

Do this for yourself - put down the drink for the rest of today.

biminiblue

Even a psychiatrist takes time if you are counting on talk therapy and if you are counting on medication, it won't work while you are drinking.

The answer is to stop drinking. The majority of my poor coping was tied to the impossibility of rational thought while drinking.

Spend more time here reading through the sticky notes and the various topics in the 12 Step forum or the Secular Recovery forum, or both! There are a lot of helpful, wise posts on this site.

blueberry2015

He needs to get to a meeting with me. ive failed and i am a drunk ive proved to him and me i cant moderate.

dwtbd

A successful moderater? Could be oxymoronic, for those of us in the club, if we could and did , it wouldn't be moderating, yeah?
Given that metric I failed too(alot) and was a drunk. But I found out I didn't Have to be, neither do you , throw in the towel. Quit , you Can do it, rootin for ya

ScottFromWI

Your husband cannot fix this for you, you need to fix it for yourself. There are open meetings that allow for family, but if you plan on attending meetings you need to take the initiative and attend them on your own.

I understand that if you are drunk right now, driving to a meeting or even getting a ride may not be the best idea if you are very drunk. Getting some rest and drinking some water would be a good idea, and then going to a meeting would be great.

OpenTuning

It's not too early in the UK for you to pour out the rest of whatever you're drinking right now and go to bed. You're not going to solve anything while carrying on drinking tonight, you'll just make your hangover worse tomorrow. Tomorrow you can take stock of what went wrong and figure out a plan so it doesn't happen again. But like others have said, while support from partners and loved ones is great, the lack of it can't be used as an excuse to keep drinking. It's your life, your body, your future at stake.

Dee74

There's some great advice here

Do you think that maybe you're so focused on your husband because you know deep down that nothing is going to change there?

I dunno about you but my inner addict was that cunning and that sneaky....if someone kept enabling me, it wasn't really my fault, right?...

That's a load of tosh and I think you'll agree with me when you sober up.

The other posters here are right blueberry - focus on you not drinking for now...all the other stuff, including your husbands issues, can be dealt with later.

D

Soberwolf

Totally agree with the advice in this thread tomorrow is a new day

PurpleKnight

Keep it simple BlueBerry, you not drinking is enough to be getting on with for the meantime.

Sobreity was a great foundation to build upon in my own life, everything just seemed to go south when alcohol was involved.

Go at things again tomorrow, you can do this, SR is firmly in your corner!!

soberclover

When you fall off the wagon......you just get back on. The wagon didn't go anywhere....you just fell off. When we fall, we get back up. You can do this. Stop drinking, get some rest, and talk with professionals and/or other recovering alcoholics who can help you.

BellJar7

Unfortunately, in therapy, we always tell clients that they need to get dry first, and then we can work through the issues that lead them to drink. Now, a counselor can certainly help you find a 12 step group meeting, and some will even do a 12 step program similar to AA through therapy. They can help you come up with a plan of recovery and encourage you in your sobriety, but therapy won't be effective until you're off the substance. I would still recommend any addict to get into counseling, because there are likely deep issues under each person's drive to drink that need to be dealt with.... I say that as a counselor and as an alcoholic.

2muchpain

I was just wondering if it would be possible for you to get involved in some sort of group therapy. Seeing a shrink is great, but I got more out of being around other people dealing with similar problems than I did just talking to one person. Just a thought. John

Anna

Blueberry, your husband does not need to get to a meeting with you.

You can stop drinking right now, today, by putting down the bottle. It won't solve all your problems, but it will give you a great start. This recovery is going to be your responsibility and it's fine if your husband doesn't get it. You know what you need to do.

LexieCat

As the others have said, your husband doesn't "need" to do anything. He's not the one drinking.

Get YOURSELF to a meeting. Better yet, call AA and they will most likely send someone to take you to a meeting. That can be great, because they can explain a lot of what AA's about.

Getting sober is a personal act of faith. You need to step out there and be willing to do what it takes for sobriety to happen. That means personal initiative, and personal effort. It isn't easy but it is SOOO worth it.