Notices

Work life, home life update

Old 11-09-2015, 06:45 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
NikTes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Work life, home life update

Mostly fine here. I came home last night after dinner at my mom's to find my husband blackout drunk again. I didn't realize he was in a black out state until this morning when he asked what time I came home -- had forgotten our whole half hour conversation. I'm trying not to be resentful or angry, but man, it's hard not to feel despondent and detached at this point. He was in the hospital last week for heart trouble -- racing and skipping beats (PVCs) -- and after having many tests he was released with the understanding that these things just happen and that he's fine. He's so NOT fine. I can't help but think that his health troubles are coming from the booze. Trying not to be judgemental as well ... hell, I've had lots of blackouts. Too many. I know he has to be the one to take control of his own drinking and that I have to protect myself. It's just become almost impossible to stay emotionally invested. Leaving the relationship, at this point, isn't an option. For many reasons. And I do love him.

Looking back on how I've lived since becoming sober last March, I do see that I've been isolating -- for protection. It's easier to stay home, upstairs, than to go out in public. Less trigger. Less temptation. I can easily do breakfasts with a friend, and have. It's easy to be home when you're introvert. Work-wise though, writing life wise, I still need to do things in public -- giving readings, interviews, other literary events -- and I'm still struggling with that. Saying NO as much as possible, and when that's not possible, I arrive late to the event and leave early, which isn't very professional of me. But that's the only thing I can do. Even with a betablocker (or 3) my nerves still get the better of me. I'm considering quitting the writing thing permanently -- there's just too much public/group interaction required.
NikTes is offline  
Old 11-09-2015, 06:48 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
NikTes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
double post
NikTes is offline  
Old 11-09-2015, 01:52 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Keep pushing through NikTes, sometimes you gotta do to stay Sober!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 11-09-2015, 02:05 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hang in there Niktes have you spoke to a Dr about therapy for social anxiety ?
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 11-09-2015, 04:51 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
NikTes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Thanks guys.

Yup, soberwolf, I have spoken to the doc. He prescribed beta-blockers for the stage fright thing, but your instinct is right on. I think maybe another conversation might be needed. And more yoga. And more walks.

I reached out here today because it's been a rough fall and I don't have support here in my offline life. Which could be my fault, in part, as I tend to keep quiet. This is the only place I've admitted my alcoholism. Anyway, I can hear the AV and felt maybe I needed to just yak for a while here on SR. It helps. Thanks for listening. You guys rock. Hope you had a good day/night!
NikTes is offline  
Old 11-09-2015, 05:15 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,770
I am glad that you came here to talk about it Nik Tes.

We are always here for you.

I agree that yoga, meditation and walks could help with anxiety. Maybe a few sessions with an social-anxiety specialist/therapist could give you a few techniques to use in those situations.
SoberLeigh is offline  
Old 11-10-2015, 12:46 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Good stuff Niktes I'm currently in therapy for anxiety & depression myself

I found going out on walks really helped me it doesn't solve it but its not as debilitating as it once was & the more I do therapy the more I can try to overcome it
Soberwolf is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:27 AM.