My REAL Story, and a Confession
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Lexapro has truly changed my life.
When I was deep in the throes of my drinking, everything, and I mean everything, was compounded to an inexplicably heightend sense of doom and gloom compliments of wine taking its toll on my central nervous system.
I became agorophobic for 2 years.
There was no light. No way out. No forest but for the trees. It was a living breathing hell on earth.
I thought the alcohol was making my life bearable.
I'll never forget what my friend here said to me in response to my statement - I CANT COPE WITH MY LIFE WITHOUT ALCOHOL.
She said - you can't cope with your life BECAUSE of alcohol.
I thought she was crazy at the time. Ten sober months later, I finally believe her.
When I was deep in the throes of my drinking, everything, and I mean everything, was compounded to an inexplicably heightend sense of doom and gloom compliments of wine taking its toll on my central nervous system.
I became agorophobic for 2 years.
There was no light. No way out. No forest but for the trees. It was a living breathing hell on earth.
I thought the alcohol was making my life bearable.
I'll never forget what my friend here said to me in response to my statement - I CANT COPE WITH MY LIFE WITHOUT ALCOHOL.
She said - you can't cope with your life BECAUSE of alcohol.
I thought she was crazy at the time. Ten sober months later, I finally believe her.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
BellJar, I would never be able to do what you are doing. Bless you. I agree with seeking counseling for yourself.
What I wanted to say is that a counselor might help you weed through what's normal behavior for the kids and what is a result of the abuse and neglect. My daughter does the whole "you don't love me" crap sometimes and she's 7. Super clingy at times. I have to deal with steering her into more positive behavior. Cries and whines. Drives me absolutely up the wall at times.
My son lies about stupid stuff. Teeth brushing, whether he has homework, whether he washed his hair. He's also a hyper ball of energy so if your 4 year old is sitting quietly in Church, you're doing better than me.
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. To take a step back. To care for ourselves. I know i don't do enough of it. I hope you find the support in real life that you need. Do you have a trusted person who can watch the kids to give you respite? Even an hour or two. Makes a difference.
Hugs
What I wanted to say is that a counselor might help you weed through what's normal behavior for the kids and what is a result of the abuse and neglect. My daughter does the whole "you don't love me" crap sometimes and she's 7. Super clingy at times. I have to deal with steering her into more positive behavior. Cries and whines. Drives me absolutely up the wall at times.
My son lies about stupid stuff. Teeth brushing, whether he has homework, whether he washed his hair. He's also a hyper ball of energy so if your 4 year old is sitting quietly in Church, you're doing better than me.
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. To take a step back. To care for ourselves. I know i don't do enough of it. I hope you find the support in real life that you need. Do you have a trusted person who can watch the kids to give you respite? Even an hour or two. Makes a difference.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
You may not think yourself a saint, BellJar7, but your willingness to take on the responsibility of caring for these children really is inspiring to me. I have 3 children, none of whom have special needs, and they frequently have me at my wit's end.
You are brave and committed enough to know that there is no turning back on your commitment to your children. And that too is inspiring.
Try not to put too much stock in what people say about you , your family, and the path you have chosen to take with them. I understand small town gossip and small town judgment. People can be ignorant. And they often say hurtful things. Try to let it go, knowing that you are doing the right thing.
I am really glad you are here with us. I hope you are able to get some support and maybe some respite care that will give you a bit of a break and allow you to feel better about your challenges ahead.
Good luck.
You are brave and committed enough to know that there is no turning back on your commitment to your children. And that too is inspiring.
Try not to put too much stock in what people say about you , your family, and the path you have chosen to take with them. I understand small town gossip and small town judgment. People can be ignorant. And they often say hurtful things. Try to let it go, knowing that you are doing the right thing.
I am really glad you are here with us. I hope you are able to get some support and maybe some respite care that will give you a bit of a break and allow you to feel better about your challenges ahead.
Good luck.
On my path.
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
Belljar-
Welcome! Your post stirred me enough to sign-on and respond for the first time in years. I could have written your post. We too were foster parents who adopted a little boy with FAS and RAD. Our lives and my mental health were turned upside-down. We searched for help and felt judged by counselors, educators, family and friends. I drank to calm myself after a long day of violence and isolation. Only when my son's psychiatrist made a comment about how my anxiety was impacting my son's behavior did I seek out help.
Years later, our son is in a group home and doing well. Our family is healing. In our case, distance did make the heart grow stronger. Like you, I love my son and would not ever give him "back". We had to learn to see "family" differently and embrace the changes.
Peace being sent your way from a fellow mom!
55438
Welcome! Your post stirred me enough to sign-on and respond for the first time in years. I could have written your post. We too were foster parents who adopted a little boy with FAS and RAD. Our lives and my mental health were turned upside-down. We searched for help and felt judged by counselors, educators, family and friends. I drank to calm myself after a long day of violence and isolation. Only when my son's psychiatrist made a comment about how my anxiety was impacting my son's behavior did I seek out help.
Years later, our son is in a group home and doing well. Our family is healing. In our case, distance did make the heart grow stronger. Like you, I love my son and would not ever give him "back". We had to learn to see "family" differently and embrace the changes.
Peace being sent your way from a fellow mom!
55438
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 64
Wow. You have a LOT to deal with. I have a friend who is a psychologist, and she adopted a child who is a MAJOR handful...he has all kinds of behavioral and developmental issues. Sometimes, it seems like she "knows too much," if that makes any sense...she is aware of all the disorders, and she says she will constantly diagnose him with different things, or rush to connect a certain behavior with an underlying cause, or take on a "therapist role" and become overly solicitous or tolerant. I don't know if that happens with you, it's just a thought that occurred to me.
As parents, none of us are perfect, and I think you've gotten some excellent advice that your drinking is only compounding the stress. Also, I know (from personal experience) that it's hard not to slip into the "if you had my problems, you'd drink too" kind of thinking. Take care and have faith...the ending of your foster care adoption story is yet to be written!
As parents, none of us are perfect, and I think you've gotten some excellent advice that your drinking is only compounding the stress. Also, I know (from personal experience) that it's hard not to slip into the "if you had my problems, you'd drink too" kind of thinking. Take care and have faith...the ending of your foster care adoption story is yet to be written!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
I feel your frustration. I live with a child (my SOs) every other week, who has special needs and will likely never dress himself or speak. Yet can throw things and holler and make us all miserable and tense. He is also often sick with random colds and flus...poor immune system. We also have my SO's older son every other week (who is an absolute angel) and together we have an infant. We both work outside the home.
I wonder what I have gotten myself into. I have lots of resentment some days, but I made my bed and now I must sleep in it I guess.
I struggle with alcoholism as well.
You are not alone. Be strong, and I will too
I wonder what I have gotten myself into. I have lots of resentment some days, but I made my bed and now I must sleep in it I guess.
I struggle with alcoholism as well.
You are not alone. Be strong, and I will too
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
