gonzo51511

Hi all. These walls in early sobriety can really bum me out sometimes. I dont get it, its like nothing is really wrong but at the same time, everything is wrong. I get so lost in my mind i cant stand it. I have had no cravings and for that i am truly grateful. But the having the patience that all will work out is so hard for me to buy into. I lost everything!! And as an alkie patience is not something i have an abundance of. I do feel better being sober no dought, and i like the AA fellowship ,program,and literature. I dont know guys, just feeling pretty blah!! Thx

JD

I sometimes feel the same way. I want to get into the future but it seems so far away and like it'll never get here. When I was drinking I never thought much of the future. I never thought much of anything. Now we can think of such things and we're not used to that and don't know how to deal with that feeling. We don't have the patience to just let things be. I've taken up mindful meditation which helps me just be. And not think so much of the past or future.

ccam1973

Gonzo, you're doing great. Early on, my patience level was extremely low as well.

Hang in there, I will tell you it gets easier with time. Your body and mind will adjust the longer you are sober.

jryan19982

Yeah man I totally get that. I get low too for no apparent reason. I think some of it has to do with your brain and body is so use to alcohol and its effects that it takes a while to get your brain and your emotions back into check. The alcohol, to me at least, took a lot of emotions and completely pushed them out of sight out of mind. Then you stop, and get all these emotions rushing back and it is overwhelming. You are probably feeling the emotions of a past event that should have upset you, but the alcohol didnt let you realize it and properly deal with the event.

Anna

Gonzo, you're right that having patience is very hard for alcoholics. We want what we want and we want it now. And, life doesn't work that way. You're doing great. You said you've lost everything, so take some time to figure out what you want now.

Soberwolf

Remember Gonzo a bad day is just that a bad day tomorrow is a new day bud

gonzo51511

Ive been trying to meditate with little success. If anyone has any tips to help me get started or advice to something on youtube i would greatly appreciate. I know meditation is going to need to be a daily and huge part of my recovery, but im having a very difficult time stopping the chatter in my head.. thanx

JD

I use an app on my phone. I have an android phone. Two apps I've used are calm and head space. I think head space has an app for apple too.

gonzo51511

Thx jd... i will check them out

gonzo51511

This Halloween is really sucking. I dont know whats wrong with me. Im out of town trapped in this stupid semi. Im starting amends when i get home but im falling apart now. Almost 100 days sober but cant shake this. Guilt shame remorse.. its like a every other day thing, one day im good,next day feel like this. Depressed, miss my x.. sorry to rant.

gonzo51511

I just sit and watch the world go by.. sit here in misery cuz im a f ing alcoholic with nothing worth while in my life anymore.. im being as patient as a monument and this all sux

JD

Hang in they gonzo. Driving long distance is a hard and lonely life. But drinking isn't going to make it better. You know that. And 100+ days sober is awesome!

gonzo51511

Cant wait to fall asleep and this stupid day be OVER! !

Debbie329

Try Tara Brach for guided meditations .....she has free podcasts and online medications. She's fantastic. I need to start listening to her again myself. She gets me.

BlueFairy

First--congrats on 100 days--around that time-- I was still extremely fatigued, wondering about my life/future etc. Pretty much everything about it sucked except I looked better and had lost weight. Now I'm doing better at almost 6 months, a little more energy although I still have days...I am wondering about my life, I made some bad choices and lacked motivation the last 4 years when I was at my worst and I get really upset about that but I'm learning coping skills and things are improving a bit anyway. My relationship with my daughter has improved, (huge) work has improved somewhat, health is coming back--I mean real health, not the treadmill exercise existence I had when I knew I had to exercise off an extra 2000 calories a night but a real sense of well being. I'm eating better, sleeping better and I have ideas about what to do with my life even if I'm not following through as of yet. I'm thinking anyway. Good luck and don't drink!

gonzo51511

Yes all in all i am feeling better for the most part. I guess my problem is i am struggling with personal relationships, (i seem to really only talk to my sponsor) i have fear about my financial future, fear of loneliness, basically just a lot of fear about everything in genrral. The fear turns to anxiety or vice a versa then leads to depression. Itz been a every other day kinda b attle. One day im ok, the next all ths bad hits.. i dont know, i know im early on still and it will get better i hope but i feel like im in a lot of darkness right now

biminiblue

Can you have a pet in your truck? I would be lost without a companion animal.

gonzo51511

I also seem to have a hard time focusing on anything positive. I keep going to the past. Which leads to depression, obsess about my x gf etc.. it really sux

Roxyblues

Brother, I hear you! The alcoholic mind is defeaning and especially works overtime when alcohol and drugs are removed. You are doing right. Getting through this without a drink will make you stronger. I have seen time and time again around the program. People hit a bottom, lose a lot, get clean m, work a few steps and everything comes back. Lol, that is when the real danger begins when we get everything back, get comfy, grow complacent and yada dada. Anyway, hang in there and don't drink. If you just don't drink it will get better.

gonzo51511

Ya for sure.. i have that concern myself. I feel like its pretty easy to not even think about a drink now cuz my life is a trainwreck.. but what about "when the worm turns" and things hopefully get going good again. That will be the true test.. one day at a time