CurlyGirl1978

I'm sitting here chillin on SR and all of a sudden, it hits me, an intense craving for Mr. V (vodka) and right after I just brewed my caramel hot chocolate! What was the trigger? Hmmm......I think it was him tossing and turning, meaning he's about to wake up and start complaining about the house, about the bills, about my drinking (I didn't tell him I'm 2 days on my sobriety journey yet). I just can't handle the criticism, but I need to learn to deal with the twists and turns in life. To bring it into a broader perspective, I need to learn that the people around me are not "chess pieces" that I can maneuver around at my own will and make them say and do what I want them to do. I need to learn that life is not all peaches and cream, and most importantly, I need to learn that Mr. V is no friend to me.

Yukyuk

Keep going, I'm right behind you!

CurlyGirl1978

Well golly, here you come motivating me! Guess I gotta keep it up. Thanks Yukyuk!

NeoNew

Keep going CurlyGirl I had a hell of a day yesterday so stick on here and you can get through it..

Mags1

Hi CurlyGirl , drink your hot caramel chocolate, sounds delicious and the craving will pass. Anything can trigger it.
But it's not so much the trigger (addictive voice) but how you deal with it.

I learnt a lot of knowledge from this forum and books so as to deal with my addictive brain.

One thing for me, which made sense and stayed with me about our addictive brain is there are like receptors and when we feed them , more receptors want some, and this happens the more we feed them the more they want,

So, even though I've been sober over two years the triggers appear sometimes, albeit fewer and if for some insane reason I think I could drink again like normal people, if a reminder of my past trying to stop for years and drink sensibly was brushed aside, then I would remember that little innocent lonely receptor which after one drink would become an army demanding more drink.

Fly N Buy

If you want it out, type it out = good for you on posting!

If only others would listen to what I tell them to do life would be perfect.........The book I read tells me this, which was sooo very true for me;

Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful.

Keep up the good work!

Frank14

Sometimes it's best to avoid situations, arguments, and other stressers completely (get the heck out of the house and go shopping, hiking, movie watching, etc) Ask yourself whether your pal Mr. V ever made things better. Your cravings will pass. This is merely a test to get those sober muscles working. You can do it!

Anna

Yes, CurlyGirl, don't let the distractions take you away from your goal. Keep up the good work.

OnMyWay7

Great job staying focused. But, you don't have to listen to the complaining. You can say - I know the issues and is rather not go overthrew right now. My SO was depressed for years and would complain ALL THE TIME. I mean really all the time. I got sober and got fed up and she finally went for treatment and is much better now (although I'm not sure the relationship can be saved). I guess what I'm saying is maybe part of your drinking is avoiding the complaining etc.

MariahGayle

You can do it CG! I had strong urge yesterday too, but pushed through & so thankful today! I have to remember, the urge does pass

BellJar7

Keep up the good work. Congratulate yourself for recognizing a trigger and then exploring where the root was!

You're doing great, and that caramel hot chocolate sounds amazing! What brand is it? I'm searching for an end-of-the-night replacement for my bff pinot grigio. I've been sipping peppermint tea, which is nice, but I would love some variety.

CurlyGirl1978

Thank you! It's by "Land O' Lakes" and it really has a great taste! There's also mint hot chocolate, and raspberry hot chocolate, each one is SAVORY!

Soberpotamus

Here's a great link to Urge Surfing: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

CurlyGirl1978

Oh thanks so much Soberpotamus! I've never heard of such a thing until I read about it just now. This is a definite tool I needed!

Soberwolf

Your doing great CG

entropy1964

This post really resonates with me. Its not the craving, those are normal and I don't think there even needs to be a trigger per se. I spent a lot of time drinking, the habit needs to be broken and replaced with new thinking and reacting.

Its what you said after that. From your other posts your husband enables you, while at the same time complaining about your drinking. A never ending dance of dependency and manipulation. Everyone playing their roles in the dysfunction. And no, you cannot control anyone other than yourself, no matter what. And this is also an aspect of the dance. It doesn't end until someone (namely you) steps out and stops dancing. What he does, or how he reacts is not in your control.

I know that in a relationship I will 'do' and 'be' whatever I think my partner wants because that is ultimately how I try to 'get' what I want. In other words, I manipulate rather than saying, when sober and diplomatic, 'this is what I need' or 'it hurts me when....' etc. I haven't learned to positively and strongly assert myself. And when my needs aren't met? Or I'm hurt by being treated poorly....well I just try harder....change more, manipulate more. Crazy. So I lose myself trying to get what I need, in the guise of meeting my partners needs (ah the victim). Then I resent and then I drink.

I have learned a couple of things...I am responsible for me and only me, and I let people treat me the way they do. The only way to change the dynamic is to change me. And hold to my guns while the other person figures things out.

CurlyGirl1978

Frickaflip233 you hit the nail on the head, and after several of these cycles I am hoping I can remember that I am the one who has to change the cycle. It goes exactly the way you said "I'm not buying any liquor today!" Then when I get use to the fact of no liquor, after feeling down, here he comes an hour later with a bottle! Wowsers! I'm trying to sort of these scenarios in my head so I can have the right game plan. I have learned to put my foot down about many things, but have so many others to conquer when it comes to how people treat me.

trachemys

As the old saw goes: When you're going through Hell, don't stop.