colagirl

I don't post here that much anymore, but I read a lot. I will have two years sober on November 18th, and I don't feel in danger of drinking, but I'm going through a really hard time and I need your support.

My mom has late stage COPD. She's been on 24/7 oxygen for about 4 years - her world has gotten smaller and smaller as she can't get out anymore, but she's been able to manage and live independently. Last Friday, I called her and she was incoherent and confused, and said that she had been having to crawl to the bathroom because she couldn't walk. I called 911 and she was taken to the hospital. Turns out she was suffering from the worst anemia the doctor had ever seen (I guess hemoglobin was almost zero). She was in the hospital for a few days, got a transfusion and her counts have improved. However, she is still suffering from profound weakness and was transferred to a rehab facility to hopefully regain some strength. I went to see her last night and she isn't even able to get out of bed without help to get on her portable commode. She is still really confused and exhausted. I don't know how much it will improve or how long they will keep her, but I am terrified that she will improve just enough to go home and still won't be able to care for herself. I spent three days this week trying to navigate the Medicaid system (a nightmare, by the way), and I'm scared she won't qualify and we won't be able to get her the care that she needs. This is the worst situation I've ever been in, on top of feeling so bad for her and wondering how long she even has left.

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading.

tomsteve

truly sorry for whats happening but also very glad she has you.
have you looked at any hospices? i was my mothers caregiver for quite a few years and when the time came for help, the hospice people took care of all the insurance paperwork.
actually they took care of a LOT which tooka load off me.

colagirl

Thanks TomSteve. I haven't looked into hospice because I don't think the doctors think she's there yet. It's kind of a middle ground where she could hang on for awhile but maybe not improve much. It's definitely on my radar though.

stevieg46

I have experienced horrific setbacks since I got sober and at times I thought '' why me'' I have stayed sober through a few deaths in my family some very near and dear to me , and a lot worse .

Looking back on these events it was only because I was '' sober '' that I was able to cope and get through these tough times , the only thing I was promised when I stopped drinking was '' sobriety '' this may not be any comfort but I can assure you that I have enriched and strengthened my sobriety and by being sober you will be there for your Mum , stay strong .

Regards .
Stevie

Soberwolf

Really sorry for what's happening stick close to us have you rang any other members of your family

PurpleKnight

Very sorry to hear of everything you're going through Colagirl!!

SoberLeigh

I am so sorry for what you and your mother are going through, colagirl.

Have the doctors talked to you about going to a rehab facility when she is discharged to help with regaining strength? Insurance should cover a stay.

PasserbyDave

Colagirl this is an awful situation. It seems like life keeps getting more complicated - things with insurance are IMPOSSIBLY complicated. You have my thoughts and prayers - you CAN do this, because you're sober.

ccam1973

So sorry you are going through this difficult situation Colagirl.

tomsteve

hospices usually arent just an end of life thing. heres a pretty good read:Hospice Myths and Realities

PLEASE! if necessary explain everything to her doc and ask what he can do to get hospice or some form of help for you and your mom.
and take care of you,too!
maybe keep this thread going- letting us know whats up and reaching out for support.

Kallistia

I've known a few that have gone into hospice, not to ease them from life, but simply for treatment that are home and either recovering or recovered.

Hospice is stigmatized. A friend of mines grandmother - well I was honestly just waiting on the call and mentally preparing myself for the day she called broken to give me the news. Never came, months in and out of the hospital, many near death moments (some similar to your own with your mother, finding her unresponsive at home) - she went into hospice because it was just so damn hard on the family to care for her with their issues that each person was going through. She's out and well and scooting around - hospice is not a bad thing, but it can offer the treatment and ease the burden of her recovery.

I agree with Tom on this one, talk to the doctors, or if she is eligible for medical, perhaps an in-home nurse for a couple of hours a day.

Sorry for the typos, when I'm on the app I can't scroll down to review the text so I'm typing somewhat blind and hoping I'm getting it right from predictive text.

colagirl

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I didn't know hospice wasn't just for end-of-life care, I will ask about that. She is actually at a rehab facility now after getting discharged from the hospital yesterday. I don't know how long they will keep her so every day is kind of an unknown. She is so weak and I think recovery looks like such a mountain to her that I'm afraid she's losing her will a little bit.

Dee74

Hey CG

I'm sorry for your moms health and the toll it's taking on you, but there's so good advice here.

I'm not in any serious health danger but I do have some help.

I'm glad for that professional help I get because it's not only top notch, but it takes a burden off those I love.

Prayers for your mom and for you - we're all with you on this

D

colagirl

Thanks Dee. The latest update is that she's being given physical and occupational therapy and we'll have a progress report on Tuesday. The care coordinator was very kind and told me that I've been doing a good job helping her stay independent to this point, but seems to be concerned that she won't be able to go home again. I guess we just wait and see, which is hard. I feel like it will be a long time before I have peace in my life again. Thanks for your support.