suicidal thoughts from drinking?
 

Hi, I have been on this site for a year or so now. During this time I have and haven't drank. When I do drink a lot I have felt like ending my life. Not every time though, just sometimes. I mean I am 39, I have no job, and live at home in my parents house. I also have like no friends, not even a girlfriend. I feel so bad about my life, or lack of a life that I dunno how to change it and make my life how I want it to be. After highschool I lost my friends, and when I went to a college I was depressed and didn't make friends. I've been a loner for the last 15 years or so. I feel so lonely most days, it really hurts when I think of other ppl and how they have a partner and kids and I have nothing. I don't even have a sibling.

A lot of ppl here on SR talk about their SO and their problems, but I don't even have a SO. I really feel alone, I don't want to be alone forever.

You are not alone. Alcohol is a depressant, and it definitely made me feel hopeless. If you feel depressed when you're not drinking, it could be an idea to talk to your dr. There is help for depression. If the alcohol is causing your depression, once you stop for good, things should begin to improve.

Have you tried to look for work and find a job? It could be very helpful for your mental state if you could get out, work, get a paycheck and become more independent.

Yep, alcohol is making u feel worse, the lows outweigh the highs. Have u tried internet dating, perhaps a good way to meet someone either for friendship or more???? U must stop drinking, try & look for work as that will increase ur confidence for sure

That sounds like a good reason to quit for good. I can feel your sorrow just reading your post and am so sorry you are feeling this way.
I agree with Anna, a job would be a great place to start. it would solve a umber of issues- you would start to make some money and gain independence, maybe save enough to rent your own place (especially if you are not wasting money on alcohol), two it would get you out of the house, feeling purposeful, in addition you would meet some new co-workers who may or may not become friends but at a minimum would provide you with some daily socialization.
Another thing to consider would be some daily exercise. It helps with depression and mood and you could even look to do something social like a sports team or group class.
I'm really glad you came here and posted. Keep us updated.

I know loneliness and sometimes it's got nothing to do with who's there or not.
I empathise, sending you love.
xx

Yes I do have a gym membership and I was going regularly but it gets boring after a while. I do feel better when I exercise, its like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I don't feel depressed at all.

I would like to get another job, or go back to school. I was working for 8 months before getting a layoff. The reason I got the layoff was because of a female co-worker that I dated/be-friended and this is what triggered my recent drinking episode. I feel that I should still have my job, but they threw me away like a used napkin.

Ugh, drinking has DEFINITELY made me feel intensely depressed, maybe even a little suicidal. And I know it was from drinking or the repercussions of drinking, because I don't generally have that level of depression (and definitely no thoughts of suicide) when I'm sober.

One thing I do have to remind myself is that I'm not always going to be super happy cheery. That there will be times when I feel down, even depressed or anxious, but that's normal. And I have to just let myself feel how I feel and not try to drink it away, because the feelings always come back except worse. And if I don't drink, I might be cranky one night, but I feel better about myself the next day.

It sucks that your last job screwed you over, but unfortunately that happens. I hope you are able to find something new. I'm lost without work. I need the structure in my life as well as the social aspect. Even a crappy job for me is better than no job.

No matter what, you've always got people here to talk to! Have you considered attending AA? Might be a good way to make some friends who are also sober.

This is a tough cycle as it feeds off itself sometimes. A lot of us don't have the best opinion of ourselves, so being alone is difficult. We then drink to numb and escape these feelings, but this only depresses us more and makes us less likely to get out and socialize. Am I lonely because I drink or do I drink because I'm lonely?

Obviously, step one is to stop drinking and start the job hunting. You can then join some type of group that shares your interests. Try a Meetup group or something. You can even do some volunteer work. Exercise is always good and this doesn't mean joining a gym. You can go on regular nature hikes just being alone enjoying the outdoors. And yes, I will say that joining a church or some type of religious influence can't hurt.

Honestly, I don't think getting into a romantic relationship is the best thing right now. I'd recommend taking it slow with the first couple of steps and start liking yourself again.

Exactly what Anna said

Do you have co-workers?

Have you thought about getting a dog? They make great companions....

Drinking definitely led me into despair and some bad decisions while in that despair.

Sobriety has helped me see that if I don't like an aspect of my life, or who I am, I can go a long way to changing those things.

Like others have said maybe the first step in finding that special someone is to connect with other people a little more?

D

Hi Whopper, that was painful to read. I will share with you what I can and hope it will give you something to chew on. I was in your exact situation, except I was 29. I spent the necessary amount of time to get my head together, formulated a plan and then one day put it in motion. I did not want to do it, I didn't particularly like doing it, but I knew I HAD to do it, if I wanted to salvage my life. Without going into too much detail, I wrote a thesis to the head of my college department professor and he granted me my degree (he said it was excellent and deserving of receiving my official piece of paper). I then went and got a job as a customer service rep in a large call center. Worst job in the world, and most of these people were fresh out of college (21-22). They always went out after work to party it up, I went home....to my parents house. I saved enough money to buy a townhouse. Then I got laid off just like you. I started a business, I owned that company until last week. Now, I'm starting over once again, but have a whole new set of life experience to tackle it this time around. Did I think about suicide in those early years? Of course, who wouldn't. But dammit, that was the easy way out, and that ain't me. So I ventured out of my comfort zone, and good things happened. And I'm about to do it again. As far as a SO went, I couldn't care about anyone else until I got my own poop in a group, and when I did, I met one and married her. Been 12 years (I think). You can do it too. Keep us posted and I wish you the best.

Sobriety I found was a great foundation to build a life upon, I've been right there, life was a downward spiral of alcohol and loneliness, and each fed off the other and made things worse as time went on.

I don't have a significant other either, but that doesn't mean we're not worth something, again that was something alcohol took away from me, my own self worth, what am I all about, what can I add to others and to this life?

The answer for each one of us is we can contribute a lot, we all have talents, skills, positive character traits, we just have to figure out what they are again, don't let alcohol blind you in the same way it did to me that you have none, because I assure you it's all lies!!

Hang in there!! :grouphug:

Agree with Dee.
Hang in there, lots of support here.

Little incremental changes can grow into big changes
Heart goes out to you
Hang in bud

You've got a lot of support here whopper! :hug: but yeah....I was very suicidal when I was drinking. It's the pits! Honestly....that's one thing keeping me sober. I never want to feel that way again.
As for the loneliness. I understand that too. I don't have an SO right now and I've had to be learn to take the initiative if I want to have friends and a social life. We have to be willing to take a few steps outside our comfort zone, yeah?
Navigating life sober is a whole new deal for us and it takes some time to figure it out. :hug:

Volunteer? It could get you out of the house and rubbing elbows with people. Might even result in new opportunities.

Just a thought. Hang in there. Post more here if it helps.

You are not alone and never have to feel that way again. There are plenty of support groups that can help. I would suggest making physical contact with some folks in a 12 step MTG. You will be the most important person there. A lot of people have been through worse and now are full of love and life. You can be part of that too!
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."