Newcomer needs an ear
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pensacola, FL
Posts: 14
Newcomer needs an ear
Hi, I am so so so happy to have found this site. I have been lurking for quite some time and feel I need to stop in.
I am a 28 year old female. I am newly married with 3 kids. One of which is only 3 months old. I feel I have a drinking problem.
I never touched alcohol until 2.5 years ago when I left my first husband and got out of an abusive relationship. The new found freedom was not exactly beneficial to me as I picked up drinking pretty heavily.
I work full time and don’t touch alcohol during the day. But it seems after a long day at work, coming home and having a few drinks is what I want most. I seem to be more relaxed, friendly and chatty when I have had a few drinks. Problem is, I can’t usually stop there. It’s all or nothing. Once I have one, the sky is the limit and I usually end up skipping dinner, going to be way too late and waking up with a hangover. Not to mention how awful I feel the next day at work. I have tried and tried to change this, but it never works.
I have tried and tried to slow down on my drinking. Up until recently I was drinking 7 nights a week, going through a half gallon of rum or vodka every 3 days. I even drank several nights a week all through my pregnancy, which in my opinion means I deserve a punishment worse than death. I never drank to the point of intoxication, but pretty close.
I am here to get this off my chest and admit I have a problem. Fortunately, noone else thinks I have a problem as I maintain myself well when drinking. My newborn appears to be ok but God only knows what she will be like when she’s older.
I have also been batteling this last 30 lbs of baby fat that will not budge. It won’t budge despite my dieting and exercising because I am dumping 300-800 calories in a night in booze. I have made a vow to myself to stop drinking at all other than Friday and Sat night, and then only a few. The next step is stopping altogether if I can’t stop drinking all week.
I am looking for anyone in the same boat as me that would like a pen pal. Your support here is so wonderful! Thanks to anyone that is reading this and can offer encouragement.
TT
I am a 28 year old female. I am newly married with 3 kids. One of which is only 3 months old. I feel I have a drinking problem.
I never touched alcohol until 2.5 years ago when I left my first husband and got out of an abusive relationship. The new found freedom was not exactly beneficial to me as I picked up drinking pretty heavily.
I work full time and don’t touch alcohol during the day. But it seems after a long day at work, coming home and having a few drinks is what I want most. I seem to be more relaxed, friendly and chatty when I have had a few drinks. Problem is, I can’t usually stop there. It’s all or nothing. Once I have one, the sky is the limit and I usually end up skipping dinner, going to be way too late and waking up with a hangover. Not to mention how awful I feel the next day at work. I have tried and tried to change this, but it never works.
I have tried and tried to slow down on my drinking. Up until recently I was drinking 7 nights a week, going through a half gallon of rum or vodka every 3 days. I even drank several nights a week all through my pregnancy, which in my opinion means I deserve a punishment worse than death. I never drank to the point of intoxication, but pretty close.
I am here to get this off my chest and admit I have a problem. Fortunately, noone else thinks I have a problem as I maintain myself well when drinking. My newborn appears to be ok but God only knows what she will be like when she’s older.
I have also been batteling this last 30 lbs of baby fat that will not budge. It won’t budge despite my dieting and exercising because I am dumping 300-800 calories in a night in booze. I have made a vow to myself to stop drinking at all other than Friday and Sat night, and then only a few. The next step is stopping altogether if I can’t stop drinking all week.
I am looking for anyone in the same boat as me that would like a pen pal. Your support here is so wonderful! Thanks to anyone that is reading this and can offer encouragement.
TT
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Tracey,
Welcome to SR! I, too hope that your newborn will be alright as she gets older.
If you want to try drinking just on weekends and limiting those times too, you may be able to. But, earlier on you say that when you have one you can't stop and the sky's the limit. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and that's how it is for me. I tried a thousand times to stop after one or two and never could.
If you are looking to stay sober this is a good place to hang out. There's lots of inspiration here and support and understanding.
Love, Anna
Welcome to SR! I, too hope that your newborn will be alright as she gets older.
If you want to try drinking just on weekends and limiting those times too, you may be able to. But, earlier on you say that when you have one you can't stop and the sky's the limit. I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and that's how it is for me. I tried a thousand times to stop after one or two and never could.
If you are looking to stay sober this is a good place to hang out. There's lots of inspiration here and support and understanding.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: toronto, ontario, canada
Posts: 224
Welcome to SR! There are loads of us just like you here. We know what it is like to say tonight I'm not going to drink or I'll just have one and always end up drunk. The ravage we impose on our bodies and minds is horrendous and we are incapable of giving our best to others because we are either too busy drinking, planning our next drink or feeling unwell. I have been there. I have a few 24 hr sober and much prefer the sober life. However I was unable to quit on my own and believe me I tried many times. I became so desperate that death started to look like an option to me. Trust me , you don't want to reach that kind of depth but alcoholism often takes the sufferer to that desperate state. I need the fellowship of AA to help keep me sober. I almosthave 2 years now and still have the odd time I crave a drink. It is quite hard at first but not impossible and it gets better the longer you are sober. Your mind clears and problems become easier to solve and we have more time to enjoy our relationships with our loved ones. Keep posting here and you'll get some support and some great suggestions.
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Hi Tracy, and welcome. I'm Joe - alcoholic. Your drinking sounds a lot like mine in some ways. Hadn't reached a point where I burned all of my bridges, but I could see problems starting to accumulate.
If you really want to cut down instead of stop altogether, check out a group called Moderation Management. They're pretty well known, and offer guidelines and advice for that approach. I've attached a link - http://www.moderation.org/. For me, I've decided that having one or two is more of a struggle for me than just having none. I hope you find what you're looking for. Keep coming back and tell us how it goes.
Best,
Joe
If you really want to cut down instead of stop altogether, check out a group called Moderation Management. They're pretty well known, and offer guidelines and advice for that approach. I've attached a link - http://www.moderation.org/. For me, I've decided that having one or two is more of a struggle for me than just having none. I hope you find what you're looking for. Keep coming back and tell us how it goes.
Best,
Joe
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: London
Posts: 14
cutting down
hi tracey
I'm new here as well, though not to drinking. I tried cutting down, and out as well. Never worked - As soon as I had one, I thought "sod it - I'll drink if i want and I can handle it" Always ended up plastered, and I got nasty hangovers. I really paid the next day for years until I got to the point where I had to drink the next day - no hangovers by that stage - but mental torture took over. I doubt you are realistic in restricting it to weekends - going by what I've read in the Big Book - and from what I've seen. But good luck.
mick
I'm new here as well, though not to drinking. I tried cutting down, and out as well. Never worked - As soon as I had one, I thought "sod it - I'll drink if i want and I can handle it" Always ended up plastered, and I got nasty hangovers. I really paid the next day for years until I got to the point where I had to drink the next day - no hangovers by that stage - but mental torture took over. I doubt you are realistic in restricting it to weekends - going by what I've read in the Big Book - and from what I've seen. But good luck.
mick
Step in the name of LOVE
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 43
Hi Tracy. I'm Josie and I know how you feel. I tried to cut it down and it actually worked for a while( At least I told myself that) I would stay sober for many weeks and then give myself that one night out..as some kind of a treat? I would end up getting so wasted and drinking whatever, doing whatever drugs. I told myself it was okay because it was only once in a while. Fact is, it's destruction no matter how often it is. The less often I drank, the more sick I became. My body was failing. I finallly decided after much torture that it's better just to give it all up and take care of myself now before I end up dead on a bathroom floor somewhere. I won't lie to myself anymore. I can't even have one drink. There's an Alcoholics proverb: one drink is too many and twenty is never enough. That sounds like about where you are. You came to the right place for help. It all starts with you and you are well on your way to a better life already by admitting your problem. Surround yourself with positive influences. Go to meetings. (We have online meetings here, Women's meeting Thursday eve) Above all, make a deal with yourself to take good care of your body.
Love yourself first.
Holla if you wanna chat.
Josezette
Love yourself first.
Holla if you wanna chat.
Josezette
Mostly Sunny Skies
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Mountain Top, WV
Posts: 62
Just Like Me
Tracey,
Most of us started just like you. I did pretty well in handling it in my 20s. I began to sense a problem in my 30s. By my 40s I knew I had a problem. I tried to cut down. I tried to quit. It took a lot of quits and a lot of cutting down. I still slip now and then, but the slip-ups come further and further apart, and each one strengthens my resolve to never go back. In my middle-50s, I'm doing pretty good, and feel better than ever. But, it was a long road.
I tried cutting down many times. It would work for a while. Like you, I'd vow to only have a few drinks on Friday and Saturday nights. Then a beer -- or two, or three -- would be great with a grilled hamburger on Tuesday night. And a glass of wine -- or two, or three -- would be great with a dinner out with friends on Thursday night. It would creep back up. Pretty soon I was downing more than when I decided to cut back the last time.
It took a while (many years, actually) for me to realize that cutting down wouldn't work. It took a number of "quits" before my brain really realized that if I had one drink, I'd have more, and more, and more.
There is a lot of good information on this site. Look around. Spend several evenings or days reading all you can read. Look at the links that lead to articles and other sites.
If you think you may be able to just cut down, take a look at a British site: http://www.downyourdrink.org.uk/home.php
It has a lot of useful tools. The Brits think differently about alcoholism than we do.
Search for postings on this site by "Don S". He has many great postings, and many links to some extremely valuable information.
Some can do it on their own. Some need a little help. I did. I went through a program sponsored by a local hospital. It was a learning experience. Boy, was it a learning experience.
Some need a lot of help. There are many good programs. There are lots of wonderful people who are ready to help.
Don't think that people don't see your problem. If you work in an even moderate size workplace, there are people that will recognize the signs. The "look" you have when you arrive in the morning, along with a certain attitude, is a giveaway to those of us who have been there. Get close to you at the coffee pot, and the smell is there. Many times, weight is another giveaway -- especially if you don't seem to be a nibbler or an over eater.
Try to find a friend at work who has been through it. You might be amazed how many have. They can be extremely helpful. Find one friend, and you'll find a few more. There are lots of us.
One other thing I found helpful once I was pretty much under control was Weight Watchers. I can truly say that I learned how to eat properly through them. They too have some really good tips that work for more than just food. Your daily diary is extremely important. In five months I lost 30 lbs -- that was about three years ago. But, you have to be brutally honest with yourself for it to work.
Good luck to you. Keep coming back. Keep telling yourself that you can do it. You will.
Toivo
Most of us started just like you. I did pretty well in handling it in my 20s. I began to sense a problem in my 30s. By my 40s I knew I had a problem. I tried to cut down. I tried to quit. It took a lot of quits and a lot of cutting down. I still slip now and then, but the slip-ups come further and further apart, and each one strengthens my resolve to never go back. In my middle-50s, I'm doing pretty good, and feel better than ever. But, it was a long road.
I tried cutting down many times. It would work for a while. Like you, I'd vow to only have a few drinks on Friday and Saturday nights. Then a beer -- or two, or three -- would be great with a grilled hamburger on Tuesday night. And a glass of wine -- or two, or three -- would be great with a dinner out with friends on Thursday night. It would creep back up. Pretty soon I was downing more than when I decided to cut back the last time.
It took a while (many years, actually) for me to realize that cutting down wouldn't work. It took a number of "quits" before my brain really realized that if I had one drink, I'd have more, and more, and more.
There is a lot of good information on this site. Look around. Spend several evenings or days reading all you can read. Look at the links that lead to articles and other sites.
If you think you may be able to just cut down, take a look at a British site: http://www.downyourdrink.org.uk/home.php
It has a lot of useful tools. The Brits think differently about alcoholism than we do.
Search for postings on this site by "Don S". He has many great postings, and many links to some extremely valuable information.
Some can do it on their own. Some need a little help. I did. I went through a program sponsored by a local hospital. It was a learning experience. Boy, was it a learning experience.
Some need a lot of help. There are many good programs. There are lots of wonderful people who are ready to help.
Don't think that people don't see your problem. If you work in an even moderate size workplace, there are people that will recognize the signs. The "look" you have when you arrive in the morning, along with a certain attitude, is a giveaway to those of us who have been there. Get close to you at the coffee pot, and the smell is there. Many times, weight is another giveaway -- especially if you don't seem to be a nibbler or an over eater.
Try to find a friend at work who has been through it. You might be amazed how many have. They can be extremely helpful. Find one friend, and you'll find a few more. There are lots of us.
One other thing I found helpful once I was pretty much under control was Weight Watchers. I can truly say that I learned how to eat properly through them. They too have some really good tips that work for more than just food. Your daily diary is extremely important. In five months I lost 30 lbs -- that was about three years ago. But, you have to be brutally honest with yourself for it to work.
Good luck to you. Keep coming back. Keep telling yourself that you can do it. You will.
Toivo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Hi TT,
I'm so glad you un-lurked! And hopefully you'll be an inspiration to the other lurkers lurking in the shadows! Come on, you , reading this. TT posted and so can you...
There, now I've got that off my chest I just wanted to say Hi, and I hope you manage to find some inspiration here from some of the motley crew. The only good thing about having a drinking problem is you have the opportunity to fix it - and get to a far, far better place.
I'm not thinking straight actually, and waffling because I've been awake for the past 3 days working 24 hour days. I'm finally giving in...
Take care - and post again - I'll be back when I've had *several* hours in bed.
Deg the tired.
I'm so glad you un-lurked! And hopefully you'll be an inspiration to the other lurkers lurking in the shadows! Come on, you , reading this. TT posted and so can you...
There, now I've got that off my chest I just wanted to say Hi, and I hope you manage to find some inspiration here from some of the motley crew. The only good thing about having a drinking problem is you have the opportunity to fix it - and get to a far, far better place.
I'm not thinking straight actually, and waffling because I've been awake for the past 3 days working 24 hour days. I'm finally giving in...
Take care - and post again - I'll be back when I've had *several* hours in bed.
Deg the tired.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pensacola, FL
Posts: 14
wow, I am almost in tears at the replies to my post. I am saving this page to my desk top for future inspiration.
Last night was the third night I didn't drink and boy was it hard! I thought about it every second, but ignored the feeling, kissed my kids and went jogging. Down 2 lbs this morning
I also found that my head was clearer in helping my kids with homework and I actually remembered what I did eat for dinner! Sad, sad.
I very well may be one of those people who cannot drink in moderation, it feels that way already. The weekend starts tomorrow and I dread it. Up until now all I could think about was Friday at 5:00. Looks like I may try to avoid drinking tomorrow night totally.
Again, thanks so much for your help! I will continue to post, post my progress and read other people's advice and recovery stories. I am so glad I found you all!
(((Hugs)))
TT
Last night was the third night I didn't drink and boy was it hard! I thought about it every second, but ignored the feeling, kissed my kids and went jogging. Down 2 lbs this morning
I also found that my head was clearer in helping my kids with homework and I actually remembered what I did eat for dinner! Sad, sad.I very well may be one of those people who cannot drink in moderation, it feels that way already. The weekend starts tomorrow and I dread it. Up until now all I could think about was Friday at 5:00. Looks like I may try to avoid drinking tomorrow night totally.
Again, thanks so much for your help! I will continue to post, post my progress and read other people's advice and recovery stories. I am so glad I found you all!
(((Hugs)))
TT
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