SteveP's Sober Blog
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Look at that link I posted before Steve congrats on day 37
It's where you wrote there isn't enough in my life without alcohol that's pure AV think about it I'm not being rude
What can alcohol possibly enhance in your life its a illusion
Think of it like the Morpheus & Neo red pill blue pill scene from the matrix
I sound a bit bonkers but I hope you know what I mean
It's where you wrote there isn't enough in my life without alcohol that's pure AV think about it I'm not being rude
What can alcohol possibly enhance in your life its a illusion
Think of it like the Morpheus & Neo red pill blue pill scene from the matrix
I sound a bit bonkers but I hope you know what I mean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
Well that didn't go as planned. Or did it ? Was planning to go out and not drink, sort of gave up and ended up drinking again for 6 weeks. Ended up very drunk at xmas in a stupid argument with my wife.
So I'm back on day 4.
I know now that I can't put myself in a situation where others are drinking for quite some time, until I am stronger.
I am going to go to the doctor to try and get some counselling as when I did start again it was because I couldn't handle myself sober.
I am going to start writing lyrics again as the group I write for has a new album of melodies ready to go.
I am going to continue visiting this site every day.
So I'm back on day 4.
I know now that I can't put myself in a situation where others are drinking for quite some time, until I am stronger.
I am going to go to the doctor to try and get some counselling as when I did start again it was because I couldn't handle myself sober.
I am going to start writing lyrics again as the group I write for has a new album of melodies ready to go.
I am going to continue visiting this site every day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
DAY 5. How do I feel today ? Tired and stressed. My wife is away for another 4 days so it's just me and Max who is 5 months old. He didn't sleep too well last night so neither did I. He's also got a slight cold so is wheezy and grisly. Been to the DR so that's covered. I don't want to drink. I know it won't help and would in fact only make things worse. I feel quite resentful towards my wife for leaving me here alone, it's something she didn't have to do. But she wanted to do it so am I being unfair ? I don't know. I won't say anything. I would if I was drunk ! So today I will be looking after Max and trying to squeeze in cooking myself some nice food and watching a few films. Oh and spending plenty of time on here. Thanks for reading and your support.: grouphug:
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
DAY 6.
Was in bed by 10 and asleep by midnight. Did I miss much ? No, because sleep is what I needed. Woke up today feeling a lot brighter. It's just me and the baby here which is tiring. It's hard to work out what is not drinking and what is tiredness and stress from looking after him.
New year new me. No ! New year the old me. The me I was 25 years ago before I started drinking is what I want. The mind is cunning and I'm not quite sure what I was like, but I know I wasn't in the position I'm in now, having to make a big life change to keep my sanity. Or to be more honest, to get myself out of the drudge that is my current situation. I don't know that things will get better if I stop drinking, but everyone on here says they will and that is good enough for me.
As I've said just me and Max today, he's 5 months old. So I will be keeping him entertained and eating and listening to music, might watch a film or 2.
Happy New Year to you all and thx for the support.
Was in bed by 10 and asleep by midnight. Did I miss much ? No, because sleep is what I needed. Woke up today feeling a lot brighter. It's just me and the baby here which is tiring. It's hard to work out what is not drinking and what is tiredness and stress from looking after him.
New year new me. No ! New year the old me. The me I was 25 years ago before I started drinking is what I want. The mind is cunning and I'm not quite sure what I was like, but I know I wasn't in the position I'm in now, having to make a big life change to keep my sanity. Or to be more honest, to get myself out of the drudge that is my current situation. I don't know that things will get better if I stop drinking, but everyone on here says they will and that is good enough for me.
As I've said just me and Max today, he's 5 months old. So I will be keeping him entertained and eating and listening to music, might watch a film or 2.
Happy New Year to you all and thx for the support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
Well it's 2 weeks since Christmas day when I had my last ever drink. Not really had many urges to drink. And I know that when I slipped before Christmas after 6 weeks sober I let myself be terribly romanced by my AV. Looking back I can see that I was giving myself permission and making excuses to drink for several days. Also I agreed to go out when I didn't really feel I was strong enough.
At the moment I feel ok. I'm tired quite a bit and not always getting great nights sleep due to the new baby.
I sort of feel I'm playing a waiting game until I have reached the 6 week mark I achieved before Christmas. Is this normal ? Does it matter as long as I don't drink ?
My plan ? I try to come on here everyday; I exercise most days. I try to cook and eat healthily. I get to bed at an early hour and don't fall asleep on the sofa AKA my wife. I am writing again. My target is 3 song lyrics every week and finishing a short story I have in my head.
Thank you all for your support.
At the moment I feel ok. I'm tired quite a bit and not always getting great nights sleep due to the new baby.
I sort of feel I'm playing a waiting game until I have reached the 6 week mark I achieved before Christmas. Is this normal ? Does it matter as long as I don't drink ?
My plan ? I try to come on here everyday; I exercise most days. I try to cook and eat healthily. I get to bed at an early hour and don't fall asleep on the sofa AKA my wife. I am writing again. My target is 3 song lyrics every week and finishing a short story I have in my head.
Thank you all for your support.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Sounds great, Steve!
Yes, I recall counting time wanting to 'make it' to my previous sober times (I think my most before this time was 2 weeks). I also remember mentioning to others here that days were creeping along....I think I was waiting to hit early milestones. I can't explain why, honestly. But I can say, that feeling evolves, as you start filling your time with real living rather than thinking, planning, and recovering life around drink every day. It gets better!
Keep it up
Yes, I recall counting time wanting to 'make it' to my previous sober times (I think my most before this time was 2 weeks). I also remember mentioning to others here that days were creeping along....I think I was waiting to hit early milestones. I can't explain why, honestly. But I can say, that feeling evolves, as you start filling your time with real living rather than thinking, planning, and recovering life around drink every day. It gets better!
Keep it up
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
DAY 15
Well I woke up feeling very awake this morning after a good nights sleep.
After 2 weeks off I can feel myself calming in my action and in my interactions with others. A little peace in my heart. It's a start, a good start.
Wrote a song lyric yesterday. Tried to start on the short story that I have in my mind but it didn't happen. I felt bad about my inability to get anything worthwhile down on paper for several hours. But eventually realised that maybe I was expecting too much and to get some song lyrics done at this point is enough. Take it easy on myself I guess.
I keep wondering what is different this time from the 6 weeks I did sober before xmas ? Have I got to the point at which I will never drink again. I think so. I don't think anyone can say say that with 100% certainty, life isn't like that. I know what happened before xmas. I felt bad for a few days then over the coarse of the few days I gave myself permission to drink. Looking back I can see how my mind was working. How do I stop that happening again. Reach out more. Communicate, something I'm not always great at. I think I have learned that it will/may happen and I need to want sobriety enough to ride it out. I do.
Anyway today for me has in store, coffee, shopping, music, a little workout, time on here and plenty of herbal tea.
Thanks guys.
Well I woke up feeling very awake this morning after a good nights sleep.
After 2 weeks off I can feel myself calming in my action and in my interactions with others. A little peace in my heart. It's a start, a good start.
Wrote a song lyric yesterday. Tried to start on the short story that I have in my mind but it didn't happen. I felt bad about my inability to get anything worthwhile down on paper for several hours. But eventually realised that maybe I was expecting too much and to get some song lyrics done at this point is enough. Take it easy on myself I guess.
I keep wondering what is different this time from the 6 weeks I did sober before xmas ? Have I got to the point at which I will never drink again. I think so. I don't think anyone can say say that with 100% certainty, life isn't like that. I know what happened before xmas. I felt bad for a few days then over the coarse of the few days I gave myself permission to drink. Looking back I can see how my mind was working. How do I stop that happening again. Reach out more. Communicate, something I'm not always great at. I think I have learned that it will/may happen and I need to want sobriety enough to ride it out. I do.
Anyway today for me has in store, coffee, shopping, music, a little workout, time on here and plenty of herbal tea.
Thanks guys.
Sober since 1st January 2016
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by stevepearce 
Thanks WhenInDoubt. Yeah I did 6 weeks ok then cracked. Need to do something different this time. The writing is good for me. And I get paid for it ! 
9 days now...
It shows we can do it, just NEVER let your guard down!!
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