robmaine3636

Hi all,

I have read these forums many times over the last few years. Yet never had the guts to post. But here I am, finally, asking for opinions, begging for help.

I am a 27 year old male. Married, with a 3 year old daughter and another baby girl due in December. I have been struggling with alcohol in a real way for about 3 years but in all honesty I think it has been since I first tasted it. I have always been the life of the party. First to come, last to leave. I have always searched for that fun, that party, the late night shenanigans. But it really got bad about 3 years ago.

I was a troubled youth. Always pushing limits and testing my parents and any other authority figure. I moved out at 16, met my now wife and lived a free life. Suprisingly I didn't drink that much during this time(16-25). I went to parties, I got drunk, and granted I always wanted to be the last to leave. But, I never drank alone, never felt cravings. Just did me and had fun.

As my relationship with my girlfriend(now wife) progressed, I felt myself maturing, I got better and better jobs and made more and more money, but never had that "college, party" period. Soon we were buying a home and getting married. Then we had our first child. I have always been reluctant to have kids and after she was born I went through a slight period(2-3 weeks) of drinking 6-8 beers every night and then stopped.

Things were good, albeit stressful, with a new baby, and I kept on keeping on. Throughout this whole time I had one thing to keep me sane. MMA training. I had always been a fat nonathletic kid, but for some reason MMA made me lose weight and I was also fairly good at it.

After many years of casual training, I got serious and got my first real cage fightat 25 years old. It was my DREAM. However after all that training and weight cutting and dedication, it was very anti-climatic. I won, and had my celebratory night and I haven't really stopped drinking since then and I lost interest in training MMA, because I had already reached my "dream".

It started with 5-6 beers a night, then I cut back, then I found the bar scene which I had never experienced when I was younger. I started going out with my MMA buddies, then my training disappeared and my new friends were my "bar" friends. And that has been my life for the last 2 years.

Drinking, partying, still holding a 90K/yr job and a fairly happy family(my wife hates my going out). But it scares me that what used to 5-6 beers to get me drunk is now 10-15, and when I go out for real I can put down 20+. I have another daughter on the way and just want to stop, but I can't seem to. It is either going out, or I am at home sneaking shots and faking the number of beers I have had.

I am looking to you all for help, I have looked for AA, but looking online finds me cancelled meetings, I have looked for counseling but he told me I was not that bad, I have talked to my wife, but she will always let me justify drinking.

I NEED HELP. What can I do?

Coldfusion

Welcome, Rob!

Joining SoberRecovery is a great step in figuring out how to quit drinking. Read around and post often! Maybe we can help you overcome your misgivings about AA.

robmaine3636

I don't have any misgivings about AA. I just cannot for the life of me find a meeting that fits my schedule. I have searched, and every meeting I find has been moved(no new location given) or cancelled. Definitely a hopeless feeling to look for help and not find it(not that it is an excuse)

SoberLeigh

Welcome to the posting side of SR, robmaine.

Here are some good links for you to read:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

Coldfusion

Have you tried calling AA to get some help finding current meeting locations? Often their local number is just an answering machine and someone calls back later...

There are other recovery groups too. NA considers alcohol a drug like any other. Many towns now have "Celebrate Recovery" meetings, and SMART also has meetings.

robmaine3636

I have seen the numbers for AA, but assumed it was a national hotline. That is a very good tip. I will also look into the other groups mentioned. Thanks again for responding, people to talk to feels amazing. Like a weight off my shoulders.

Syn3rgistic

Do you drink every night?

robmaine3636

No. But probably every other or every 3. And when I do, I go pretty crazy.

MelindaFlowers

If you found time for all that drinking I'm sure you could find time for a meeting. If you are anything like I was, I spent a lot of time drinking.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Rob

48heath

Sorry you are struggling rob.

I agree with phoning your local AA helpline,they will have updated meeting information.

Wishing you well.

LexieCat

Some areas are better than others about keeping their online meeting lists up to date. I'd suggest calling your local AA Intergroup number and telling them what your schedule is and helping you find a meeting. Intergroup should have the latest info, even if their website hasn't been updated. They can also send someone to take you to your first meeting--that can be helpful as they can explain what's going on.

Good luck, and don't give up your efforts. You have a lot to stay sober for.

JD

Welcome Rob. AA has helped many people. But you don't have to put off getting sober while trying to find meetings. For some, me included, AA was not their thing. But you need a plan on getting sober and more importantly staying sober. You'll find staying sober will require many different life style changes. One could be getting back into. MMA training, if it doesn't involve going out drinking afterwards. A plan is different for everyone. There's lots of resources here. Look at the stickies at the top of the page. Ask when you have questions.

robmaine3636

Again thanks everyone for the advice and encorougment.

The what to do sticky is most interesting to me because boredom always gets me.

I will go 3,4,5 days(one time 15) without a drink and then boredom sets in and BAM back to where I was.

A plan also sounds crucial, time to start thinking about one.

Nowsthetime

Hi and welcome:

People told me I wasn't that bad also. But that is not for them to decide. If you feel that alcohol is affecting your life negatively then you have a problem. Deep inside you know the truth .

I never used AA but I used and still use AVRT and this forum and I made a plan. There's lots of info about that here.

Think of the person you want to be!

You can do this.

dwtbd

Yeah you can Do this!
welcome to the posting side, keep coming back
I didn't use AA either. My first day here I saw mention of RR/AVRT , there are great threads about it in the secular connections here on SR. I highly recommend taking a look.

wish you well and hope to see you around
and You can Do this !!

PennyLane76

Wishing you the best. As your drinking is escalating, that's a sure sign it's going to continue ramping up. I have more fun not drinking because it freed up my time to pursue things I enjoy. Yes, be wary of HALT... being hungry, angry/anxious, Lonely, or Tired set off cravings. Sometimes having a snack or nice non alcoholic drink will help with cravings.

It all starts with you, making a commitment. The veterans here can help, listen to them, but the commitment is on you. I knew my drinking was increasing, starting to have health effects, had alcohol related injurues, but was a bit in denial until I tried to quit. That was an eye opener!! Obvious physical addiction and I was not everyday drinker. I learned a lot here on SR by reading the stickies and others stories. Take care

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Robmaine!!

thomas11

As a former athlete myself, I can tell you that you may have to put forth an equal amount of effort and determination in sobriety as you did to get in shape and win that MMA fight. But since you obviously have the mental fortitude to tackle something HUGE and succeed doing it, you can do the same with your beer drinking. Give it everything you got. And you will be the victor.

tomsteve

it can be difficult for those taking care if the websites to get updates on meetings. meetings close down and start up withno notifications.
when ya get to a meeting, please have somecourage and ask someone for an updated meeting schedule.
you can also find the big book of aa online to read and see what the program is about.
theres also a lot of other aa literature on the www.

from your OP it reads like the same thing for most if us- alcohol is a symptom of deeper problems.
there are solutions!
one thing though!

ya say ya need help and glad ya say that.
do ya want help?