What now?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 9
What now?
I'm so relieved to have found this place, I can't even find the words. Every morning I say I am never drinking again and that thought lasts until I get to the kitchen and see a bottle of whatever. It's taken me a while to admit that I'm out of control, and I know that if I don't do something I am going to lose everything.
Short bio: I am a 44 year old woman with two great kids who are 20 and 28 and both out of the house. I have a great boyfriend who deserves better than a drunk girlfriend who drinks too much, embarrasses him and fights with him. I come from an alcoholic dysfunctional family, I grew up with a lot of anger and depression and narcissism, and I inherited all those things in one degree or another.
We live a pretty entertaining lifestyle. Travel and biker rallys and parties and Burning Man and trade shows...we are on the road constantly and everywhere we go, alcohol is one of the main focuses.
After being a single mom for 25 years, not having to work or worry about money is a wonderful thing. However, losing the purpose that I've had my whole life is rough. I feel decorative and I feel as if I stopped drinking totally, our lifestyle would change so drastically that my boyfriend would be unhappy. He doesn't think that will happen...but he also thinks we can still do all these things and I will just not drink during these events.
Anyhow this got longer than I intended, thanks to anyone who reads it...it's just comforting to know I'm not alone. (Day 3 and holding)
Short bio: I am a 44 year old woman with two great kids who are 20 and 28 and both out of the house. I have a great boyfriend who deserves better than a drunk girlfriend who drinks too much, embarrasses him and fights with him. I come from an alcoholic dysfunctional family, I grew up with a lot of anger and depression and narcissism, and I inherited all those things in one degree or another.
We live a pretty entertaining lifestyle. Travel and biker rallys and parties and Burning Man and trade shows...we are on the road constantly and everywhere we go, alcohol is one of the main focuses.
After being a single mom for 25 years, not having to work or worry about money is a wonderful thing. However, losing the purpose that I've had my whole life is rough. I feel decorative and I feel as if I stopped drinking totally, our lifestyle would change so drastically that my boyfriend would be unhappy. He doesn't think that will happen...but he also thinks we can still do all these things and I will just not drink during these events.
Anyhow this got longer than I intended, thanks to anyone who reads it...it's just comforting to know I'm not alone. (Day 3 and holding)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi lyb and welcome. You'll find lots of people who relate to you and can provide support.
I think in early days it is good to separate yourself from temptation. Maybe with the holidays coming, not to mention winter, you and your boyfriend can make plans that center more around home and family....biker rallies can wait a few months!
Congrats on day 3. Btw you should consider joining the class of November thread.....it's fun posting with people that are right there with ya.
I think in early days it is good to separate yourself from temptation. Maybe with the holidays coming, not to mention winter, you and your boyfriend can make plans that center more around home and family....biker rallies can wait a few months!
Congrats on day 3. Btw you should consider joining the class of November thread.....it's fun posting with people that are right there with ya.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome,
The early days are filled with emotion and some tough choices. For me, I couldn't be around alcohol and people drinking for many months. I tried and it just didn't work for me. Do you think you can stop drinking and continue the same lifestyle? It could be that you might want to make some changes to ensure that you stay focused on recovery.
The early days are filled with emotion and some tough choices. For me, I couldn't be around alcohol and people drinking for many months. I tried and it just didn't work for me. Do you think you can stop drinking and continue the same lifestyle? It could be that you might want to make some changes to ensure that you stay focused on recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 259
Hi and welcome!
I am glad you found SR, you will find lots of support here. Three days is a great start, congratulations!
I also have issues to work out about my lifestyle, but for now I am just taking it one day at a time and focusing on staying sober. I hope that with some sober time under my belt I will be better equipped to sorting out other aspects of my life.
No matter how you deal with sobriety, stay strong and keep up the good work!
I am glad you found SR, you will find lots of support here. Three days is a great start, congratulations!
I also have issues to work out about my lifestyle, but for now I am just taking it one day at a time and focusing on staying sober. I hope that with some sober time under my belt I will be better equipped to sorting out other aspects of my life.
No matter how you deal with sobriety, stay strong and keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Welcome to SR, LoveYouBye.
I had a very hard time, in early sobriety, attending events where alcohol was the main focus. I was able to be around normal drinkers but had a hard time socializing with or being in the company of heavy drinkers.
Would you be able to put drinking events on the backburner for a while until you gain some strength in sobriety?
I had a very hard time, in early sobriety, attending events where alcohol was the main focus. I was able to be around normal drinkers but had a hard time socializing with or being in the company of heavy drinkers.
Would you be able to put drinking events on the backburner for a while until you gain some strength in sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
It sounds like you're in a very good place with some freedom!
Congrats on Day 3.
I couldn't continue that same lifestyle and not drink. Hopefully your boyfriend is very supportive of your decision. That may help.
Keep on SR - that will certainly help, too.
Congrats on Day 3.
I couldn't continue that same lifestyle and not drink. Hopefully your boyfriend is very supportive of your decision. That may help.
Keep on SR - that will certainly help, too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
In early sobriety I had to change my playgrounds and playmates. Now that I have a few years under my belt I am able to meet friends for drinks. I always order club soda with lime and have no desire to ever drink alcohol again. It may be a major adjustment for you in the beginning, but with time you will have your life back and alcohol will be the farthest thing from your mind when you are events that involve alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 114
I fear my (very poor) social life will suffer too. I'm on day 5 and already questioning what I will do with invites to Christmas parties, nights out with colleagues etc. I know the general advice is to stay away from people who enjoy the drink or events that would involve a lot of drinking but for me it would mean cutting out everything and everybody. Being a single mum I rarely get the chance to go out and it saddens me that I will have to cut out any sort of socialising until I'm confident enough to say no and enjoy myself sober. I'm sure we can do it though.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Thinking about all the occasions up ahead can really freak you out.
If I can offer one piece of reassurance it's that you can have fun sober and life can be not only be just as satisfying, it will be more satisfying
My life was drink sodden - my day revolved around drinking, my social life did too. I had to change a lot of things and lose a lot of people from my life.
the people who stayed were those who supported my recovery and the changes I was making.
I thought that would leave me with a bleak existence but it didn't.
I reconnected with old friends who were either sober or where the bond between us was not about alcohol, and I made many new friends too.
I rediscovered old interests and old passions and I started on new ones. I got involved in my community. I worked out what I wanted my sober life to look like and I aimed my best to make it happen.
Noone would stay sober if they felt they were losing out on the deal.
I left a crappy life behind - that was no bad thing
D
If I can offer one piece of reassurance it's that you can have fun sober and life can be not only be just as satisfying, it will be more satisfying
My life was drink sodden - my day revolved around drinking, my social life did too. I had to change a lot of things and lose a lot of people from my life.
the people who stayed were those who supported my recovery and the changes I was making.
I thought that would leave me with a bleak existence but it didn't.
I reconnected with old friends who were either sober or where the bond between us was not about alcohol, and I made many new friends too.
I rediscovered old interests and old passions and I started on new ones. I got involved in my community. I worked out what I wanted my sober life to look like and I aimed my best to make it happen.
Noone would stay sober if they felt they were losing out on the deal.
I left a crappy life behind - that was no bad thing
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 9
Thank you everyone for your kind words, I just got back from my trip and I am packing to go on the next one already, Miami this time. I managed to behave myself but I did drink a little here and there...although I never felt out of control. I know this is an illusion and next time might be different . I feel like an inch-worm slowly crawling towards change. Baby steps.....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
