New guy in recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 12
New guy in recovery
Hello all
New to this website, but I sure am glad I found it. I guess I'm what you would call an alcoholic trying to recover as best I can. Little bit about me, I'm 35 and from western NC. I have panic attacks and I think part of that led to my drinking problems, but I also believe the panic attacks are a symptom of my drinking problem as well so, early this year I made a decision to quit drinking by years end, and I'm real close, considering how much I drank for a few years. I have not drank my entire adult life...quite the contrary, up until about 6 years ago I used to be a "health nut" I guess you would say, and even used to run 5-10 miles almost every day to help deal with my stress levels (I don't handle stress well at all). I was the picture of health. If I tried to run a quarter of a mile now Id probably have a heart attack and die LOL. Well, I had just divorced from my first (and only) wife, and I started going out to the local scene in early 2009 to meet new people and such since I had spent the last 8 years before it married and away from all of that. During my marriage, I rarely drank. I could buy a 12 pack of beer when my brother would come in from out of state and that same 12 pack of beer would still be in my fridge a year later when he came back. Either way, me and my wife split, and divorced amicably, and I started going out. Well the more I went out, the less I could run, less and less until I wasn't running at all. At that point, I pretty much switched to booze to deal with stresses in my life like my job, and relationships. Slowly it crept up on me...6 beers a night turned to 15, turned to 20...turned to vodka because the beer wasn't getting me good and hammered anymore...a pint every two days turned to a pint a day, turned to a fifth a day for 4-5 days out of 7. At my worst I was having a fifth a day, every evening after work for at least 4-5 days a week, and I would've had more than that if the hangovers weren't so god awful. I started having breathing troubles in late 2012...It got to where by 2014 I'd get winded and out of breath and have to go lay down after just taking a shower. A gained a sizeable amount of weight from all the sugar in the vodka and the sugary drinks I was mixing it with over a period of about 2 years.
My worst years were mid 2012 till the end of 2014, so, in the scope of my life I haven't been at it as long as some, but its taken a toll on my body, my breathing and how I feel already, so early this year I decided I was done with it and began to cut myself off. I went to the doctor and was put on Ativan for my panic attacks, and that's helped with the withdrawals over this past year. Its now November and right now I'm up to 10 days since I had my last drinks and it was another 10 days before that since I had the couple before it...I really think I've got it in me to go all the way with this 10 days. I have an ultimate goal of 90 days, which is just being realistic since I'd like to be able to switch over to having a glass of red wine with my meals occasionally for the health benefits, although if the red wine causes me problems or makes me feel like back sliding, I'd can it too at that time. Anyway, sorry for the long rambling intro here.
One question I do have for the other people out there who have been through this process is I've noticed one thing that really bothers me. My brain, my head feel "foggy"...its awful...truthfully to me, its the worst part of quitting. I cant even focus sometimes. Florescent lights seem to really aggravate it too. I can still have it under natural light, but florescent lights seem to kick it into overdrive. I'd love to be under natural light all day (maybe at the beach house fishing LOL) but I work in an office building and of course there are bright white walls and beaming florescent lights everywhere. My question is, how long does this "fog" last for most people?? Is there anything, maybe a natural supplement that can help clear it?? I take a daily multi-vitamin, but even it doesn't affect it. I figure like most problems caused my alcohol its something that heals, but I wish this part would hurry up. I can't stand this "foggy brain". Thanks for your responses in advance.
New to this website, but I sure am glad I found it. I guess I'm what you would call an alcoholic trying to recover as best I can. Little bit about me, I'm 35 and from western NC. I have panic attacks and I think part of that led to my drinking problems, but I also believe the panic attacks are a symptom of my drinking problem as well so, early this year I made a decision to quit drinking by years end, and I'm real close, considering how much I drank for a few years. I have not drank my entire adult life...quite the contrary, up until about 6 years ago I used to be a "health nut" I guess you would say, and even used to run 5-10 miles almost every day to help deal with my stress levels (I don't handle stress well at all). I was the picture of health. If I tried to run a quarter of a mile now Id probably have a heart attack and die LOL. Well, I had just divorced from my first (and only) wife, and I started going out to the local scene in early 2009 to meet new people and such since I had spent the last 8 years before it married and away from all of that. During my marriage, I rarely drank. I could buy a 12 pack of beer when my brother would come in from out of state and that same 12 pack of beer would still be in my fridge a year later when he came back. Either way, me and my wife split, and divorced amicably, and I started going out. Well the more I went out, the less I could run, less and less until I wasn't running at all. At that point, I pretty much switched to booze to deal with stresses in my life like my job, and relationships. Slowly it crept up on me...6 beers a night turned to 15, turned to 20...turned to vodka because the beer wasn't getting me good and hammered anymore...a pint every two days turned to a pint a day, turned to a fifth a day for 4-5 days out of 7. At my worst I was having a fifth a day, every evening after work for at least 4-5 days a week, and I would've had more than that if the hangovers weren't so god awful. I started having breathing troubles in late 2012...It got to where by 2014 I'd get winded and out of breath and have to go lay down after just taking a shower. A gained a sizeable amount of weight from all the sugar in the vodka and the sugary drinks I was mixing it with over a period of about 2 years.
My worst years were mid 2012 till the end of 2014, so, in the scope of my life I haven't been at it as long as some, but its taken a toll on my body, my breathing and how I feel already, so early this year I decided I was done with it and began to cut myself off. I went to the doctor and was put on Ativan for my panic attacks, and that's helped with the withdrawals over this past year. Its now November and right now I'm up to 10 days since I had my last drinks and it was another 10 days before that since I had the couple before it...I really think I've got it in me to go all the way with this 10 days. I have an ultimate goal of 90 days, which is just being realistic since I'd like to be able to switch over to having a glass of red wine with my meals occasionally for the health benefits, although if the red wine causes me problems or makes me feel like back sliding, I'd can it too at that time. Anyway, sorry for the long rambling intro here.
One question I do have for the other people out there who have been through this process is I've noticed one thing that really bothers me. My brain, my head feel "foggy"...its awful...truthfully to me, its the worst part of quitting. I cant even focus sometimes. Florescent lights seem to really aggravate it too. I can still have it under natural light, but florescent lights seem to kick it into overdrive. I'd love to be under natural light all day (maybe at the beach house fishing LOL) but I work in an office building and of course there are bright white walls and beaming florescent lights everywhere. My question is, how long does this "fog" last for most people?? Is there anything, maybe a natural supplement that can help clear it?? I take a daily multi-vitamin, but even it doesn't affect it. I figure like most problems caused my alcohol its something that heals, but I wish this part would hurry up. I can't stand this "foggy brain". Thanks for your responses in advance.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 325
Hi snowboarder. Welcome to the site. I've been on here a month it really is a great help. The fogginess ? I've been sober a month and it has gone. My mind is still not the same as before I drank that I think will take longer. I'm not too sure about the glass of red wine with meals, I couldn't do that without falling again. I have tried many times to control my drinking and failed. And the medical jury is actually still out as to the benefits of drinking moderately. Why take the chance ? Anyway glad you have found us. There is lots of support here.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome. Early recovery is tough, with all kinds of physical and mental manifestations. Brain "fog" is one of them and is common.
The dream of every alcoholic, to one day drink normally. Perhaps in 90 days you will have gleaned enough information for SR to realize that dream has already passed for you and that total sobriety is the best course.
Good luck.
Originally Posted by snowboarder300 
I have an ultimate goal of 90 days, which is just being realistic since I'd like to be able to switch over to having a glass of red wine with my meals occasionally for the health benefits...
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome!
I think all of us here wished to be able to return to 'normal' drinking. If you are an alcoholic, that won't happen. It can't. As Betty Ford said 'once you cross the invisible line, you can never go back'. I hope that you see benefits from sobriety and decide to continue abstaining from alcohol.
I think all of us here wished to be able to return to 'normal' drinking. If you are an alcoholic, that won't happen. It can't. As Betty Ford said 'once you cross the invisible line, you can never go back'. I hope that you see benefits from sobriety and decide to continue abstaining from alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome, snowboarder 
Congratulations on taking back your life. One glass of wine for health benefits.
Yeah. Not for me. Tried that. 1.) I don't like one glass, I'm in it for the buzz. 2.) A glass of grape juice is just as good for me. 3.) I'm an alcoholic. My goal is to stay away from the first drink. The first one always leads to another and another and another. I've tried every possible moderation trick you can think of over the years, trying desperately to be able to still drink now and then. Abstinence is so much easier than that head game.
Congratulations on taking back your life. One glass of wine for health benefits.
Yeah. Not for me. Tried that. 1.) I don't like one glass, I'm in it for the buzz. 2.) A glass of grape juice is just as good for me. 3.) I'm an alcoholic. My goal is to stay away from the first drink. The first one always leads to another and another and another. I've tried every possible moderation trick you can think of over the years, trying desperately to be able to still drink now and then. Abstinence is so much easier than that head game.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 12
Yeah, even I myself have thought that the red wine most likely wouldn't be a reality. I guess it was just more hope than anything. My thoughts kind of ramble at times. But honestly, being done, getting my head back and my breathing back and not back sliding means way more to me than that pipe dream. I have no doubt that you are right and it will not be a part of my life either. I've told the ultra small circle of close friends of mine who know what I've been struggling with that I would just "like to get to the point where it was fun again, where it didn't control me", but then I wonder if it ever really was fun at all...and if I'm true to myself and what I want then the easy answer to that question is, probably not. Anyway thanks so much for the replies.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Once you've passed that point into alcoholism, social drinking isn't an option any more. We pick up where we left off. The brain has been altered, and it's not going to change back to the way it was before heavy drinking.
I tried and was successful at social drinking - until I wasn't successful. I don't want it to be one or two. I want it to be 10-20. I might be able to moderate on occasion, but it doesn't stick. I can have one or two on a "special occasion," then some time soon it becomes every day, then too many every day. There is no middle ground.
I tried and was successful at social drinking - until I wasn't successful. I don't want it to be one or two. I want it to be 10-20. I might be able to moderate on occasion, but it doesn't stick. I can have one or two on a "special occasion," then some time soon it becomes every day, then too many every day. There is no middle ground.
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