adelina123

I'm finding it hard to accept that I am indeed an alcoholic. I know I don't have to give myself the label it's not mandatory but I feel like I need to accept it before I can move on with this.

We all have our stereotypical alcoholics, many of you reading this may believe you are. I just know that growing up whenever my parents or the media informed me " that's an alcoholic" they didn't look like me .... between the hours of 6 am - 6 PM at least!!
Because I function, because I feed my kids, dress them nicely, get them to school on time, dress ok myself and get to work and do a good job...... All of these things tell me I'm not an alcoholic.

However ..... let take a look at the picture of me after 6 PM ..... i no longer sip at my wine I gulp it. I leave the glass in the kitchen cos I don't want my kids to see me keep drinking with glass on hand so I make frequent trip to the kitchen. Most nights I barely remember going to bed. Most nights one bottle of wine in certainly not enough.
The next morning I'll walk my son to school like every other parent .... see I can't be an alcoholic if o look just like everyone else at the school gates!!!

I'm not sleeping well at all, right now I feel rougher than if drinking I'm just crawling through the day till bed time.
I know it will get better .....

Soberish

I struggle with the whole label thing too adelina. I think the bottom line is if drinking is creating a problem for us then its time to give it up. I think an alcoholic is someone who has a problem with alcohol. Those "alcoholics" you mention your parents and the media have pointed out didnt get that way over night, they had a problem with alcohol way before and never corrected it. If we continue to drink we may never get to that point in our lives of being what you call the "stereotypical alcoholic" but why try and find out? We made the decision to quit for a reason right?

Soberwolf

Forget labels just realise its a drinking problem that keeps getting worse

Your doing great on day 3 the fact you question it should answer what you deep down already know

Dee74

I don't think it's mandatory to wear any label you don't want to wear.

But I think it's important to recognise that your relationship with alcohol bought you here, like it did the rest of us

There's obviously a problem, and I think it's good you realise you need to address it, like we all did.

I thought sobriety would be a living prison...but in fact it's been just the opposite, adelina.

The prison was being trapped in a toxic parasitic relationship with alcohol.

D

ChancesAh

You are an alcoholic. You just need to purge the idea from your thinking that alcoholism is a character flaw. It's a disease that doesn't discriminate on social standing. You don't need to be 'proud' of it as it's like all diseases - an unwanted condition which impacts on our health and in this case our social interactions and perceptions we have on ourselves. Like all medical conditions it's really unwanted but must be managed and treated. Good luck and strength to you

loulou1981

I don't think u need to call urself anything, but if alcohol causes problems (with u, its causing u to feel anxious/stress etc) then staying sober is the best decision u will make.
When u talk about urself, i see me, we look after our children, work well & to anyone on the outside, we're fine, but in our heads we r far from fine. I'm a firm believer that if u/I continue on this path we will end up as ur typical 'alcoholic', drinking to just get through the day, screwing up at work, not being 100% with our kids. U CAN DO THIS!!!!

teatreeoil007

Amen!

InTheEnd

I'm sure I'm an alcoholic. The facts of my past have proven it. My past attempts to control or moderate have never worked....well, it worked occasionally for a short period and in my mind back then, it "proved" I wasn't an alcoholic. But then it was only a matter of time that I was back to drinking every night again.

But, I too don't like the label and don't even like to call myself one. What I do know is that I don't drink, I can't drink, and will make every attempt never to drink again. I've finally that accepted that now and refuse to fight my AV on that basic fact. It has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Alcoholic? Sure, I guess you could say that....but it's not important to me one way or the other. To me, the simple fact of knowing I cannot drink without miserable things happening is enough for me, no label needed.

Carver

You're on day 3, having trouble sleeping, and feeling rough...there's a hint. Also, it seems the AV uses the same line on all of us: "Do I really have a problem? Nnnaaaahhhh. Let's just have one drinky."

You're doing very well. Onwards to day 4

GhostFace

I told others that I'm an alcoholic and many thought that I was delusional. The media portraits an "alcoholic" as someone who is homeless, can't keep a job and is pretty much useless to society. I don't meet those requirements but, I know that I have no control over my drinking, I abuse it and I also tend to cause alot of problem under the influence and gotten myself I deep debt. This has convinced me that I have a problem.

I don't get the urge but alcohol is constantly on my mind, I just take it one day at a time.

I wish you well...

Rio97

I struggle with the label as well, for most of the same reasons already stated. I have a couple of family members that throw around the term so loosely it makes me uncomfortable, and is at odds with how I feel about it. And this idea that we must fit some sort of mold as to what a"real" alcoholic is. The term definitely has a stigma, evenI feel it, and I think is a big reason I've had a hard time giving up alcohol.

JD

I agree with soberwolf and D, there's no need for a label just a recognition that alcohol is causing problems in your life and you need to make a change. And for us that change is abstinence from alcohol.

OpenTuning

I don't like labels either. And I think it's ridiculous that we live in a world where the decision to not take a deadly poison is something we feel the need to justify to ourselves and others.

There's a school of thought that everyone who drinks at all, even that single sherry at Christmas, is an alcoholic. It's all just where you are on the escalator that leads to Rock Bottom. Some will die of old age before they reach the point of showing any symptoms, others will charge straight down there as fast as possible.

Even if that's too extreme a definition for you, ultimately, you sought out this site because you're uncomfortable with your relationship with alcohol. I was in a similar position, wondering if I had a drinking problem, given I wasn't lying in a gutter at the time, and someone said to me the fact I was asking myself the question gave me the answer.

Rio97

Yea, I'm familiar with the type.

secretchord

I don't know if I'm an alcoholic either. I'm afraid if I say it i'll never be able to drink again. All I know is I want to quit. So I'm taking it one day at a time.

DobieGirl09

Yeah, acceptance of that word is hard. I'm still not sure I want to label myself as one, not because I'm not one, but because the word to me is so ugly. However, I'm happy to admit that I have a serious problem with drinking, one that really requires me to never drink again. So I get you.

I say, don't worry about labels right now. Focus on not drinking and getting better. That's the important thing right now.

Juno11

I agree with all who say "forget the label." It never did me any good because I spent more time worrying about the label and not the actual problem. Drinking was the problem. Drinking has to stop. I use SMART Recovery, FYI, and labels are not used there.

Choicy

I understand the need to label it, accept it, conquer it [ by surrender ]...human nature. I KNOW what I am... but as long as I'm not shaming myself nor denying the truth and proceeding anyway (d a n g e r o u s, Son!) I am more focused on the solution anyway.

I have a war with truth & acceptance that the 12 help me slosh my way through every day. I just need that person saying, yeah, I get it, you're getting it; keep on! I need those peeps that look me in the eye, and keep me on track.

I'm so grateful you posted this...I need to remember all deception is self-deception. If the label fits, wear it?

LBrain

As has been mentioned, creating a label for yourself does not change the fact that you are posting here and questioning your 'status'.

I'll bet half if not more who frequent this site have acknowledged a problem with alcohol in one way or another. For most, if not all, the only thing that helped was acknowledging it first.

And I can also assure you that half or more could come up with just as many reasons they were not the prototypical alcoholic.

Too often we compare ourselves to others or what is the "norm" by definition. And all too often some of us have continued down that road in "denial" thinking we could get better without seriously addressing the problem.

In between your comments you also listed behaviors that 'qualify' as an alcoh-- someone with a problem.

Acknowledgment and acceptance are the keys to improving one's life as it relates to alcohol abuse. Yes, there are 'degrees' of alcohol problems (alcoholics). The "cure" is the same. If we wait until we reach a certain threshold to begin reversing our behaviors it becomes more difficult. Along the way we don't even realize how far we have progressed. Make no bones about it, if we continue along hoping we can turn it around, without realizing it we will be a few more floors lower on that elevator - the elevator of alcohol progression. It happens to the best of them.

So, we can justify all we want to the reasons we are not this or that. Or we can truly asses ourselves in an open and honest manner. If we think we have a problem, we already do.

This is not addressed solely to the OP, it pertains to everyone here or anyone reading this.

For years I felt like crap all day until I was able to drink. I couldn't 'sleep' without have my dose of alcohol. I maintained a position that was highly scrutinized and I maintained a responsible and professional facade.
I can tell you a close friend of mine just two weeks ago said to me he had no idea how much I drank. I wasn't one of them either.

Uh, yes, I was.

Fly N Buy

Hi adelina, thanks for the post - glad you're here.

Most find it difficult to accept they are alcoholic and in active alcoholism. That is a common issue among us.

I like the first paragraph of your post - acceptance is indeed the key! I needed to accept the fact my days of abusing alcohol had to stop. I had to accept who I was, my circumstances and most importantly I had to accept the solution.

There's the rub - many, many do no want to accept the solution - they'll sort of accept the problem but continue in the cycle of repeating the debilitating behavior of drinking.

Here's a quote from the book of Alcoholics Anonymous - I identified with this over time more and more. Regardless of program choice I find these short paragraphs powerful and on point.

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.


Stay sober - breathe - and give yourself time. We can accept things slowly as long as we don't pick up that first drink!!!