day 3 ..... am I really an alcoholic???
Adelina, like others have said, I wouldn't worry about the label. Right now, the important thing is for you to come to grips with the reality of your drinking. If drinking is a problem in your life, then in my opinion, you need to correct the problem.
For most of us here at SR, correcting that problem means never drinking again. I didn't like the term alcoholic either, but I am one. I have come to terms with that and really don't care what anyone calls me, as long as I am fixing the problem in my life.
I'm going on 482 days since I decided that I was done with drinking for good. Trust me, if you're like I am, quitting will alleviate so much anxiety, health problems, financial problems, and any other burdens that drinking brought into your life.
You can do this, it will open your life up to a whole new world.
For most of us here at SR, correcting that problem means never drinking again. I didn't like the term alcoholic either, but I am one. I have come to terms with that and really don't care what anyone calls me, as long as I am fixing the problem in my life.
I'm going on 482 days since I decided that I was done with drinking for good. Trust me, if you're like I am, quitting will alleviate so much anxiety, health problems, financial problems, and any other burdens that drinking brought into your life.
You can do this, it will open your life up to a whole new world.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 61
I feel like I could have written this post myself. I'm struggling putting a title on it, and my husband doesn't think I'm an alcoholic. I too struggle with sleep. For me, the biggest thing is the shame and guilt I feel in the morning after I drink. My kids don't see it, and I'll often ask my husband if he could tell that I was buzzed, and he always says "I don't think it's an obvious problem to anyone but you."
I grew up in a home where alcohol was demonized. My mom's dad was a full blown addict. Abusive, volatile, inconsistent, etc. As a result, my mom taught me that drinking at all was horrible. My dad didn't drill that into me as much, but his parents acted like drinking was a key straight to hell. They're nearly 80 now, and I was visiting with my grandmother just the other day and she told me she enjoys margaritas! I was shocked! She was talking about her margarita Tuesday's with her girlfriends, and I was kind of bemused by it all. It was so counter to how she always presented "evil" alcohol to me. I felt like she worked hard my whole life to give me a complex about alcohol and the whole time, she was secretly imbibing with her friends-- safely and responsibly!
Joining in the conversation, I told her my favorite mixed drink and she said, "You need to be careful drinking. Alcoholism runs in our family." I felt like she was so hypocritical! You be careful too, grandma!
I don't know if I -really- have a problem or if my problem is the tape that plays in my head when I drink. The shame I feel anytime I drink is unreal. And the mixed messages I have received my whole life certainly don't help.
If you don't fit the stereotype, how DO you know?
I grew up in a home where alcohol was demonized. My mom's dad was a full blown addict. Abusive, volatile, inconsistent, etc. As a result, my mom taught me that drinking at all was horrible. My dad didn't drill that into me as much, but his parents acted like drinking was a key straight to hell. They're nearly 80 now, and I was visiting with my grandmother just the other day and she told me she enjoys margaritas! I was shocked! She was talking about her margarita Tuesday's with her girlfriends, and I was kind of bemused by it all. It was so counter to how she always presented "evil" alcohol to me. I felt like she worked hard my whole life to give me a complex about alcohol and the whole time, she was secretly imbibing with her friends-- safely and responsibly!
Joining in the conversation, I told her my favorite mixed drink and she said, "You need to be careful drinking. Alcoholism runs in our family." I felt like she was so hypocritical! You be careful too, grandma!
I don't know if I -really- have a problem or if my problem is the tape that plays in my head when I drink. The shame I feel anytime I drink is unreal. And the mixed messages I have received my whole life certainly don't help.
If you don't fit the stereotype, how DO you know?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
You are an alcoholic. You just need to purge the idea from your thinking that alcoholism is a character flaw. It's a disease that doesn't discriminate on social standing. You don't need to be 'proud' of it as it's like all diseases - an unwanted condition which impacts on our health and in this case our social interactions and perceptions we have on ourselves. Like all medical conditions it's really unwanted but must be managed and treated. Good luck and strength to you
my mr said something interesting ( he wasn't trying to be nasty, almost humorous) he said ...
' you know, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, even of you stop drinking, you will still be an alcoholic, just a recovering one'
thanks for that dear!!!!
I was going to private message you, but I guess I haven't shared enough yet LOL. You sound just like all the thoughts in my own head...I have functioned so well for years on alcohol that it's hard to see the problem. I raised two great kids, went back to college as an adult and graduated at the top of my class drinking 3-5 drinks every night, and then got a job I loved for years. It's only been recently that the red flags have been appearing and I have to try to quit altogether.
Today is also my Day 3. Things that put me here are getting clearer everyday. My kids moved out on their own so I don't have them to ground me. I was lucky enough to meet a man 7 years ago that owns his own business and travels so I quit my job to travel/work with him, which puts me on "vacation" almost every day. The "after 6" used to be me, now I can drink 24/7 if I choose to.
When I started drinking in the morning when I woke up in Vegas, that was humorous and fun...when I started doing it at home it sent up a red flare. I started hiding bottles and when confronted by my boyfriend I got angry and defensive. The term "slippery slope" is so true.
I don't use the term "alcoholic", because I researched a bit and feel I fall more into the "alcohol abuser" category at this time. But as others said, the cure is the same no matter what we call ourselves.
Sleeping is rough because your brain has to actually learn how to fall asleep again, instead of "passing out'. I have found recently that a cup of herbal tea helps me sleep, chamomile is one of my favorites. I'm glad you're here, and I am glad I am here.
Today is also my Day 3. Things that put me here are getting clearer everyday. My kids moved out on their own so I don't have them to ground me. I was lucky enough to meet a man 7 years ago that owns his own business and travels so I quit my job to travel/work with him, which puts me on "vacation" almost every day. The "after 6" used to be me, now I can drink 24/7 if I choose to.
When I started drinking in the morning when I woke up in Vegas, that was humorous and fun...when I started doing it at home it sent up a red flare. I started hiding bottles and when confronted by my boyfriend I got angry and defensive. The term "slippery slope" is so true.
I don't use the term "alcoholic", because I researched a bit and feel I fall more into the "alcohol abuser" category at this time. But as others said, the cure is the same no matter what we call ourselves.
Sleeping is rough because your brain has to actually learn how to fall asleep again, instead of "passing out'. I have found recently that a cup of herbal tea helps me sleep, chamomile is one of my favorites. I'm glad you're here, and I am glad I am here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
I struggle with the label as well, for most of the same reasons already stated. I have a couple of family members that throw around the term so loosely it makes me uncomfortable, and is at odds with how I feel about it. And this idea that we must fit some sort of mold as to what a"real" alcoholic is. The term definitely has a stigma, evenI feel it, and I think is a big reason I've had a hard time giving up alcohol.
The thing about "alcoholic"? Only you can call yourself that. No one would understand if you say you are one...all your close friends would say, "Nah. Just cut back!"
It's an inside job/thing.
As far as what to tell people - "No, thanks. I don't drink." That's also what to tell yourself when a Margarita sounds good.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
It's an inside job/thing.
As far as what to tell people - "No, thanks. I don't drink." That's also what to tell yourself when a Margarita sounds good.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
now look at the thinking.
my drinking and how i drank may not have been as bad as others.
but my thinking was just as bad or worse than those in rehab,livingon tne streets, drinking first thing in the morning........
the underlying problems were quite the same.
and theres solutions!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 30
But I do know if I dont get sober for a period of time I will definitely turn into one. Sitting down on a week day having a 6 pack while preparing dinner isn't normal. And drinking a 24 pack on a Sunday during football is definitely not normal, even if I can get up and function the next day and do well at my 8-5 job. I have no off switch, its never just a beer.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
I feel like I could have written this post myself. I'm struggling putting a title on it, and my husband doesn't think I'm an alcoholic. I too struggle with sleep. For me, the biggest thing is the shame and guilt I feel in the morning after I drink. My kids don't see it, and I'll often ask my husband if he could tell that I was buzzed, and he always says "I don't think it's an obvious problem to anyone but you."
I grew up in a home where alcohol was demonized. My mom's dad was a full blown addict. Abusive, volatile, inconsistent, etc. As a result, my mom taught me that drinking at all was horrible. My dad didn't drill that into me as much, but his parents acted like drinking was a key straight to hell. They're nearly 80 now, and I was visiting with my grandmother just the other day and she told me she enjoys margaritas! I was shocked! She was talking about her margarita Tuesday's with her girlfriends, and I was kind of bemused by it all. It was so counter to how she always presented "evil" alcohol to me. I felt like she worked hard my whole life to give me a complex about alcohol and the whole time, she was secretly imbibing with her friends-- safely and responsibly!
Joining in the conversation, I told her my favorite mixed drink and she said, "You need to be careful drinking. Alcoholism runs in our family." I felt like she was so hypocritical! You be careful too, grandma!
I don't know if I -really- have a problem or if my problem is the tape that plays in my head when I drink. The shame I feel anytime I drink is unreal. And the mixed messages I have received my whole life certainly don't help.
If you don't fit the stereotype, how DO you know?
I grew up in a home where alcohol was demonized. My mom's dad was a full blown addict. Abusive, volatile, inconsistent, etc. As a result, my mom taught me that drinking at all was horrible. My dad didn't drill that into me as much, but his parents acted like drinking was a key straight to hell. They're nearly 80 now, and I was visiting with my grandmother just the other day and she told me she enjoys margaritas! I was shocked! She was talking about her margarita Tuesday's with her girlfriends, and I was kind of bemused by it all. It was so counter to how she always presented "evil" alcohol to me. I felt like she worked hard my whole life to give me a complex about alcohol and the whole time, she was secretly imbibing with her friends-- safely and responsibly!
Joining in the conversation, I told her my favorite mixed drink and she said, "You need to be careful drinking. Alcoholism runs in our family." I felt like she was so hypocritical! You be careful too, grandma!
I don't know if I -really- have a problem or if my problem is the tape that plays in my head when I drink. The shame I feel anytime I drink is unreal. And the mixed messages I have received my whole life certainly don't help.
If you don't fit the stereotype, how DO you know?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
I was going to private message you, but I guess I haven't shared enough yet LOL. You sound just like all the thoughts in my own head...I have functioned so well for years on alcohol that it's hard to see the problem. I raised two great kids, went back to college as an adult and graduated at the top of my class drinking 3-5 drinks every night, and then got a job I loved for years. It's only been recently that the red flags have been appearing and I have to try to quit altogether.
Today is also my Day 3. Things that put me here are getting clearer everyday. My kids moved out on their own so I don't have them to ground me. I was lucky enough to meet a man 7 years ago that owns his own business and travels so I quit my job to travel/work with him, which puts me on "vacation" almost every day. The "after 6" used to be me, now I can drink 24/7 if I choose to.
When I started drinking in the morning when I woke up in Vegas, that was humorous and fun...when I started doing it at home it sent up a red flare. I started hiding bottles and when confronted by my boyfriend I got angry and defensive. The term "slippery slope" is so true.
I don't use the term "alcoholic", because I researched a bit and feel I fall more into the "alcohol abuser" category at this time. But as others said, the cure is the same no matter what we call ourselves.
Sleeping is rough because your brain has to actually learn how to fall asleep again, instead of "passing out'. I have found recently that a cup of herbal tea helps me sleep, chamomile is one of my favorites. I'm glad you're here, and I am glad I am here.
Today is also my Day 3. Things that put me here are getting clearer everyday. My kids moved out on their own so I don't have them to ground me. I was lucky enough to meet a man 7 years ago that owns his own business and travels so I quit my job to travel/work with him, which puts me on "vacation" almost every day. The "after 6" used to be me, now I can drink 24/7 if I choose to.
When I started drinking in the morning when I woke up in Vegas, that was humorous and fun...when I started doing it at home it sent up a red flare. I started hiding bottles and when confronted by my boyfriend I got angry and defensive. The term "slippery slope" is so true.
I don't use the term "alcoholic", because I researched a bit and feel I fall more into the "alcohol abuser" category at this time. But as others said, the cure is the same no matter what we call ourselves.
Sleeping is rough because your brain has to actually learn how to fall asleep again, instead of "passing out'. I have found recently that a cup of herbal tea helps me sleep, chamomile is one of my favorites. I'm glad you're here, and I am glad I am here.
I totally get what you're saying, my kids and job ground me, I know every night that I have responsibilities in the morning and when I wake I have a list of things I have to do. I've often wondered what I would be like if I didn't have such responsibilities..... i think I drink a lot now, I'm pretty sure I'd be far worse if I had the freedom!!! Hope your day 3 went well xx
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I don't think u need to call urself anything, but if alcohol causes problems (with u, its causing u to feel anxious/stress etc) then staying sober is the best decision u will make.
When u talk about urself, i see me, we look after our children, work well & to anyone on the outside, we're fine, but in our heads we r far from fine. I'm a firm believer that if u/I continue on this path we will end up as ur typical 'alcoholic', drinking to just get through the day, screwing up at work, not being 100% with our kids. U CAN DO THIS!!!!
When u talk about urself, i see me, we look after our children, work well & to anyone on the outside, we're fine, but in our heads we r far from fine. I'm a firm believer that if u/I continue on this path we will end up as ur typical 'alcoholic', drinking to just get through the day, screwing up at work, not being 100% with our kids. U CAN DO THIS!!!!
The getting better without alcohol is the key part to focus on, my life was coasting along, but that was the problem, auto pilot, not reaching my potential, no serious consequences as yet due to alcohol but surely limiting ourselves with the chains of alcohol is a consequence!!
For me Sobriety removed the chains, I could then start to strive to reach the heights of my potential, not simply confine myself to what alcohol dictated!!
You can do this!!
For me Sobriety removed the chains, I could then start to strive to reach the heights of my potential, not simply confine myself to what alcohol dictated!!
You can do this!!
I'm finding it hard to accept that I am indeed an alcoholic. I know I don't have to give myself the label it's not mandatory but I feel like I need to accept it before I can move on with this.
We all have our stereotypical alcoholics, many of you reading this may believe you are. I just know that growing up whenever my parents or the media informed me " that's an alcoholic" they didn't look like me .... between the hours of 6 am - 6 PM at least!!
Because I function, because I feed my kids, dress them nicely, get them to school on time, dress ok myself and get to work and do a good job...... All of these things tell me I'm not an alcoholic.
However ..... let take a look at the picture of me after 6 PM ..... i no longer sip at my wine I gulp it. I leave the glass in the kitchen cos I don't want my kids to see me keep drinking with glass on hand so I make frequent trip to the kitchen. Most nights I barely remember going to bed. Most nights one bottle of wine in certainly not enough.
The next morning I'll walk my son to school like every other parent .... see I can't be an alcoholic if o look just like everyone else at the school gates!!!
I'm not sleeping well at all, right now I feel rougher than if drinking I'm just crawling through the day till bed time.
I know it will get better .....
We all have our stereotypical alcoholics, many of you reading this may believe you are. I just know that growing up whenever my parents or the media informed me " that's an alcoholic" they didn't look like me .... between the hours of 6 am - 6 PM at least!!
Because I function, because I feed my kids, dress them nicely, get them to school on time, dress ok myself and get to work and do a good job...... All of these things tell me I'm not an alcoholic.
However ..... let take a look at the picture of me after 6 PM ..... i no longer sip at my wine I gulp it. I leave the glass in the kitchen cos I don't want my kids to see me keep drinking with glass on hand so I make frequent trip to the kitchen. Most nights I barely remember going to bed. Most nights one bottle of wine in certainly not enough.
The next morning I'll walk my son to school like every other parent .... see I can't be an alcoholic if o look just like everyone else at the school gates!!!
I'm not sleeping well at all, right now I feel rougher than if drinking I'm just crawling through the day till bed time.
I know it will get better .....
Do you know what it really is? That's your mind in panic mode, trying to justify somehow a way to have another drink. Pretty soon you'll be thinking "I quit for three days, I can stop whenever." And before you know it, you'll be having a "glass" of wine at dinner for health reasons or some crap that your alcoholic mind lied to you about and tricked you into drinking again. Just remind yourself that it's a lie. Think about how many times you lied to yourself and other about drinking, or because of it... This is no different. It's a lie.
If you are here and you are asking and you are thinking and you are wondering and I can tell you unequivocally -yes.
I was pretty far down the rabbit hole by the time I even thought to google anything. I was further down the hole when I actually signed up and posted.
By the way, I don't typically use the term alcoholic to describe myself. I use it here. And yes, I am a classic alcoholic. But the only term I use to describe myself is a nondrinker. There's no stigma with being a nondrinker.
I was pretty far down the rabbit hole by the time I even thought to google anything. I was further down the hole when I actually signed up and posted.
By the way, I don't typically use the term alcoholic to describe myself. I use it here. And yes, I am a classic alcoholic. But the only term I use to describe myself is a nondrinker. There's no stigma with being a nondrinker.
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It's day 3 for me know too and I find myself asking the exact same question, having the same thought train as you describe.... Only this isn't the first time I've quit, told myself I could drink like a normal person, only to escalate into behaving like an alcoholic again within weeks if not days.
Do you know what it really is? That's your mind in panic mode, trying to justify somehow a way to have another drink. Pretty soon you'll be thinking "I quit for three days, I can stop whenever." And before you know it, you'll be having a "glass" of wine at dinner for health reasons or some crap that your alcoholic mind lied to you about and tricked you into drinking again. Just remind yourself that it's a lie. Think about how many times you lied to yourself and other about drinking, or because of it... This is no different. It's a lie.
Do you know what it really is? That's your mind in panic mode, trying to justify somehow a way to have another drink. Pretty soon you'll be thinking "I quit for three days, I can stop whenever." And before you know it, you'll be having a "glass" of wine at dinner for health reasons or some crap that your alcoholic mind lied to you about and tricked you into drinking again. Just remind yourself that it's a lie. Think about how many times you lied to yourself and other about drinking, or because of it... This is no different. It's a lie.
In the summer it's cos it's a sunny day, winter cos it's depressing. Something good on TV .... nothing on TV, Friday night .... any bloody night. The last few weeks I haven't even bothered to make an excuse in my head I was drinking just because I was ....
There are a few reasons why the word "alcoholic" is important to me, personally. Part of it actually IS the pride thing. We all like to think that we're "better" than those people who fit the stereotype. Well, they weren't born that way, for the most part, and a lot of them were just like me at an earlier point in their drinking career. I've heard people share at AA meetings who literally lost everything, did hard time in prison, etc., and even though their life experiences were not mine, when they talked about how they FELT about alcohol, what it DID FOR them, I find I can totally relate.
The other thing is that it really is a lifelong condition. It IS very much like diabetes or other health conditions that can be treated but don't go away and will ruin and shorten your life if you ignore it and don't follow medical advice. If you DO treat it properly, though, and stay sober, it's a medical condition that will not progress as long as you stay that way. But part of the medical condition is that when things improve and you start to feel better, there's a tendency to think "maybe I'm not" and then the obsession starts working on your head.
For me, it's much easier to simply remind myself I'm alcoholic. I can't ever drink, so playing with the idea is dangerous. I know I never again want to feel the way I felt when I finally quit drinking.
Congrats on your first three days--sounds to me like you're right where you belong.
The other thing is that it really is a lifelong condition. It IS very much like diabetes or other health conditions that can be treated but don't go away and will ruin and shorten your life if you ignore it and don't follow medical advice. If you DO treat it properly, though, and stay sober, it's a medical condition that will not progress as long as you stay that way. But part of the medical condition is that when things improve and you start to feel better, there's a tendency to think "maybe I'm not" and then the obsession starts working on your head.
For me, it's much easier to simply remind myself I'm alcoholic. I can't ever drink, so playing with the idea is dangerous. I know I never again want to feel the way I felt when I finally quit drinking.
Congrats on your first three days--sounds to me like you're right where you belong.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 180
There are a few reasons why the word "alcoholic" is important to me, personally. Part of it actually IS the pride thing. We all like to think that we're "better" than those people who fit the stereotype. Well, they weren't born that way, for the most part, and a lot of them were just like me at an earlier point in their drinking career. I've heard people share at AA meetings who literally lost everything, did hard time in prison, etc., and even though their life experiences were not mine, when they talked about how they FELT about alcohol, what it DID FOR them, I find I can totally relate.
The other thing is that it really is a lifelong condition. It IS very much like diabetes or other health conditions that can be treated but don't go away and will ruin and shorten your life if you ignore it and don't follow medical advice. If you DO treat it properly, though, and stay sober, it's a medical condition that will not progress as long as you stay that way. But part of the medical condition is that when things improve and you start to feel better, there's a tendency to think "maybe I'm not" and then the obsession starts working on your head.
For me, it's much easier to simply remind myself I'm alcoholic. I can't ever drink, so playing with the idea is dangerous. I know I never again want to feel the way I felt when I finally quit drinking.
Congrats on your first three days--sounds to me like you're right where you belong.
The other thing is that it really is a lifelong condition. It IS very much like diabetes or other health conditions that can be treated but don't go away and will ruin and shorten your life if you ignore it and don't follow medical advice. If you DO treat it properly, though, and stay sober, it's a medical condition that will not progress as long as you stay that way. But part of the medical condition is that when things improve and you start to feel better, there's a tendency to think "maybe I'm not" and then the obsession starts working on your head.
For me, it's much easier to simply remind myself I'm alcoholic. I can't ever drink, so playing with the idea is dangerous. I know I never again want to feel the way I felt when I finally quit drinking.
Congrats on your first three days--sounds to me like you're right where you belong.
I went to an aa meeting once and someone spoke of how their life had become ' Un manageable' I.e they were not functioning at all just drinking. I left that meeting thinking ' my life isn't Un manageable, I'm doing ok so that wasn't the right place for me, I'm fine' I went straight to the shop for wine.
I knew deep down though that that persons life hadn't always been like that, they too were probably like me years or months before they progressed to Un manageability. We don't go from an occasional glass of wine straight to needing drink 24/7. It's just the wine witch used her to help me justify why I was fine and could carry on drinking.
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