Break Free Sober Weekender Thread Oct 30th pt 2
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
It does help to post, and really amazing to get reaction from people who have been here.
I think I am already down from riding the ROGUE-TSUNAMI-OF-RAW-NEED. Bad day though. I had really not had that kind of cold, sullen, eff-me talk from my AV before. It tends to be the wheedling and anxious type. I bet I can expect more of the same.
I think I am already down from riding the ROGUE-TSUNAMI-OF-RAW-NEED. Bad day though. I had really not had that kind of cold, sullen, eff-me talk from my AV before. It tends to be the wheedling and anxious type. I bet I can expect more of the same.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by happyandfree 
Bixbee. ..I'm glad to hear that you are making it through the cravings. Some days are just miserable. I think it's great that you had a good cry. When was the last time you felt your feelings like that? Just remember. ..you are ok. You are not doomed. Early sobriety is an emotional roller coaster. You did the right thing by staying close to sr....you will be ok!
MLD....thanks for the article about bacon and processed meats. That's what I figured. ..a little won't hurt.
well. ..I guess I'll watch some tv.
MLD....thanks for the article about bacon and processed meats. That's what I figured. ..a little won't hurt.
well. ..I guess I'll watch some tv.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
.
Only to preface my Perspective below, I'm 22 Months in a lil later this Month.
For Digital Dude, here, the Benchmarks and marked improvements were - well - kinda 'digital'. 1 Week in was a massive relief. FNA. Made it a Week. Felt much better. 2 Weeks in -> a different, and easier, sense of 'I can do this'.
1 Month. More of the same. 3 Months in, I'm thinking 'Hey, this is a Lifelong, doable Lifestyle'. 6 Months. Then, 1 Year [January of this Year].
By then, I was pretty well into 'screw it, no way I'm ever going back'. You can't lust for something you no longer even want. Even though I'd made my non-negotiable Big Plan to not Drink again. Because the HP in my Bathroom Mirror said so. No Trauma; no AV BS; no Wedding Celebration [of someone else]; nuffin' was taking me back to that proverbial Hole In The Basement of swilling a 1.75 L 'Handle' every 2 Days, and Drinking just to stop the Bone-wrenching 'ache', and shakes. Kinda like the end of 'Silence Of The Lambs', if you've seen that Movie.
As The Wise are saying here, the times between the schitte Periods became further spaced. At some point - around 1 year - not being wrecked 24/7 became the new and familiar norm. Then, Drinking seemed pretty weird to consider. Not anything I had to fight against. That 'fight' started to lessen around 3 Months in, actually.
That's my Story, and it's an old Story 'round here at SR. So many report kinda the same ups & downs, and trends.
I used to have Asthma. Now, I don't. I used to Drink. I'm a former both those things. I don't walk around always bouncing off what I used to be. Be that Asthmatic, or a Power Drinker. I know some Folks do that, or it's just how they're wired. I just don't think that way.
Tell you what, it's a sweet spot to reach, and easier than it seems right now, today. You won't face 1 Year of todays. If that were true, about none of us would ever Sober up.
.
Only to preface my Perspective below, I'm 22 Months in a lil later this Month.
For Digital Dude, here, the Benchmarks and marked improvements were - well - kinda 'digital'. 1 Week in was a massive relief. FNA. Made it a Week. Felt much better. 2 Weeks in -> a different, and easier, sense of 'I can do this'.
1 Month. More of the same. 3 Months in, I'm thinking 'Hey, this is a Lifelong, doable Lifestyle'. 6 Months. Then, 1 Year [January of this Year].
By then, I was pretty well into 'screw it, no way I'm ever going back'. You can't lust for something you no longer even want. Even though I'd made my non-negotiable Big Plan to not Drink again. Because the HP in my Bathroom Mirror said so. No Trauma; no AV BS; no Wedding Celebration [of someone else]; nuffin' was taking me back to that proverbial Hole In The Basement of swilling a 1.75 L 'Handle' every 2 Days, and Drinking just to stop the Bone-wrenching 'ache', and shakes. Kinda like the end of 'Silence Of The Lambs', if you've seen that Movie.
As The Wise are saying here, the times between the schitte Periods became further spaced. At some point - around 1 year - not being wrecked 24/7 became the new and familiar norm. Then, Drinking seemed pretty weird to consider. Not anything I had to fight against. That 'fight' started to lessen around 3 Months in, actually.
That's my Story, and it's an old Story 'round here at SR. So many report kinda the same ups & downs, and trends.
I used to have Asthma. Now, I don't. I used to Drink. I'm a former both those things. I don't walk around always bouncing off what I used to be. Be that Asthmatic, or a Power Drinker. I know some Folks do that, or it's just how they're wired. I just don't think that way.
Tell you what, it's a sweet spot to reach, and easier than it seems right now, today. You won't face 1 Year of todays. If that were true, about none of us would ever Sober up.
.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Bix, I'm glad you stuck it out. There will be days, sometimes a few of them strung together but keep your eyes on the prize. A better life.
I'm on the doorstep of two years and there were a lot of rough times when I wanted to squish what I was feeling with alcohol. I'm glad I didn't because the feelings pass.
I'm still not all there. But I'm better. You'll get there.
Tetra, you hang in there too. Hugs.
Tomorrow is a brand new day. Choose to have a good one.
I'm on the doorstep of two years and there were a lot of rough times when I wanted to squish what I was feeling with alcohol. I'm glad I didn't because the feelings pass.
I'm still not all there. But I'm better. You'll get there.
Tetra, you hang in there too. Hugs.
Tomorrow is a brand new day. Choose to have a good one.
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Originally Posted by BixBees505
I am really struggling today. First Monday after a travel week. I am just... REALLY...struggling.
It. Cannot drink with out you giving it the power. Cravings never killed anyone. Drinking did. You are stronger than it.
Ken
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Good morning!!!
I start again in earnest to train for the upcoming race. I have not been able to jump start myself. Tough to care. But I will force the issue.
The work idea did not solve the bigger picture so we will need to do some added dev work I don't want to do. It's temporary work to achieve a goal we can naturally achieve in a few months. But business lives in the now don't they. Hmmm... That's a good idea. Live in the now!
Off to work... Now!
K
I start again in earnest to train for the upcoming race. I have not been able to jump start myself. Tough to care. But I will force the issue.
The work idea did not solve the bigger picture so we will need to do some added dev work I don't want to do. It's temporary work to achieve a goal we can naturally achieve in a few months. But business lives in the now don't they. Hmmm... That's a good idea. Live in the now!
Off to work... Now!
K
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
BixBees- I remember that weird feeling very well. there were days when I just didn't know who I was going to be without drinking, and it was scary. But it got better. I still sometimes feel kind of empty, even sad, then the next day I'll be sitting on that pink cloud. It's normal. And I don't mean normal for someone in recovery. I mean for a human being. Acknowledge the feelings, sit with them a bit, and know "this, too, shall pass." Tell the AV you are stronger than it is and to get lost.
Hope you are feeling better today. You, too, Tetra.
Hope you are feeling better today. You, too, Tetra.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
G'morning guys and girls,
BixBees, glad you are ok and didn't drink
Each time you say no to the urges, they lose power. That's how it worked for me over time. And it does get easier. As Mesa and others have said, at some point, whether it's six months or a year or whatever, you're going to realize just how little you think about it, and it'll be difficult to imagine going back to that way of life. You'll identify more and more with being a nondrinker.
The flat affect, or flat feelings early on, I can relate with very well. I remember having no emotions at times, just an emptiness. That emptiness is not a bad thing. Part of it's your brain chemistry. It's going to be normalizing over time. It takes a while, so hang in there. Also, some of the emptiness is the realization that we've pushed things we might care about out of our lives while drinking (isolation, neglect), and so it's good to come to a point where you might want to consider how you are now going to spend your time. And who you are going to spend it with.
Time became precious to me; I no longer wanted to squander time. Part of my story is losing my mom to her addiction. This was a powerful factor in my getting sober. My existential panic sort of kicked in at some point, but not everyone is going to feel this way of course.
The empty feeling is not necessarily a bad thing, just wanted to point that out.
Gulping down coffee, and off to work for four hours. Be back soon.
BixBees, glad you are ok and didn't drink
Each time you say no to the urges, they lose power. That's how it worked for me over time. And it does get easier. As Mesa and others have said, at some point, whether it's six months or a year or whatever, you're going to realize just how little you think about it, and it'll be difficult to imagine going back to that way of life. You'll identify more and more with being a nondrinker. The flat affect, or flat feelings early on, I can relate with very well. I remember having no emotions at times, just an emptiness. That emptiness is not a bad thing. Part of it's your brain chemistry. It's going to be normalizing over time. It takes a while, so hang in there. Also, some of the emptiness is the realization that we've pushed things we might care about out of our lives while drinking (isolation, neglect), and so it's good to come to a point where you might want to consider how you are now going to spend your time. And who you are going to spend it with.
Time became precious to me; I no longer wanted to squander time. Part of my story is losing my mom to her addiction. This was a powerful factor in my getting sober. My existential panic sort of kicked in at some point, but not everyone is going to feel this way of course.
The empty feeling is not necessarily a bad thing, just wanted to point that out.
Gulping down coffee, and off to work for four hours. Be back soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Good morning everyone. A new day. I overslept so will be rushing this morning. Bah! I hate rushing yet always seem to do it.
I've been feeling that existential angst lately. Thanks soberp for putting a finger on it. Dwelling on the past by obsessively scouring history pages on the internet. Not even my own history. Not enough living in the now. Escaping. Time to change that up. It's another beautiful day. Carpe diem
I've been feeling that existential angst lately. Thanks soberp for putting a finger on it. Dwelling on the past by obsessively scouring history pages on the internet. Not even my own history. Not enough living in the now. Escaping. Time to change that up. It's another beautiful day. Carpe diem
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Thanks, and good morning to all.
Ken, you really made me smile! Thanks for your cheer!!
MLD, "acknowledge the feelings, sit with them a bit". I know I must. I feel like I have no idea what will come up, but only one way to find out. I think I am relatively articulate, but not about my own emotions...there I turn into a 13-yo: "weird" "strange" "odd". LOL. Not very descriptive!
Tetra, I am thinking of you, too. You express yourself so well, and you are such a lovely, honest voice here. I appreciate you.
Jsbodhi...thx...
I haven't really caught up yet, but I'm also running out of time for now. I have an early day at work this morning. I'll be back online a little later in the day. Good grief--I don't know that I could do this without your support! I'd like to say I would find a way, but it would be even less pretty!
Ken, you really made me smile! Thanks for your cheer!!
MLD, "acknowledge the feelings, sit with them a bit". I know I must. I feel like I have no idea what will come up, but only one way to find out. I think I am relatively articulate, but not about my own emotions...there I turn into a 13-yo: "weird" "strange" "odd". LOL. Not very descriptive!
Tetra, I am thinking of you, too. You express yourself so well, and you are such a lovely, honest voice here. I appreciate you.
Jsbodhi...thx...
I haven't really caught up yet, but I'm also running out of time for now. I have an early day at work this morning. I'll be back online a little later in the day. Good grief--I don't know that I could do this without your support! I'd like to say I would find a way, but it would be even less pretty!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
SoberPotamus...powerful...I very very much want what is only possible with substantial sobriety. Which is to redeem the rest of my own life. What will all the struggle and pain have been for, if I continue to lose myself literally in alcohol?
Thanks for describing and explaining even a bit of what I could not describe:
"The flat affect, or flat feelings early on, I can relate with very well. I remember having no emotions at times, just an emptiness. That emptiness is not a bad thing. Part of it's your brain chemistry. It's going to be normalizing over time. It takes a while, so hang in there. Also, some of the emptiness is the realization that we've pushed things we might care about out of our lives while drinking (isolation, neglect), and so it's good to come to a point where you might want to consider how you are now going to spend your time. And who you are going to spend it with.
Time became precious to me; I no longer wanted to squander time. Part of my story is losing my mom to her addiction. This was a powerful factor in my getting sober. My existential panic sort of kicked in at some point, but not everyone is going to feel this way of course."
Thanks for describing and explaining even a bit of what I could not describe:
"The flat affect, or flat feelings early on, I can relate with very well. I remember having no emotions at times, just an emptiness. That emptiness is not a bad thing. Part of it's your brain chemistry. It's going to be normalizing over time. It takes a while, so hang in there. Also, some of the emptiness is the realization that we've pushed things we might care about out of our lives while drinking (isolation, neglect), and so it's good to come to a point where you might want to consider how you are now going to spend your time. And who you are going to spend it with.
Time became precious to me; I no longer wanted to squander time. Part of my story is losing my mom to her addiction. This was a powerful factor in my getting sober. My existential panic sort of kicked in at some point, but not everyone is going to feel this way of course."
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