What substantial changes are necessary
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
What substantial changes are necessary
IMHO sobriety is about significant change in our thoughs and actions. I am not the same person I was. Thought it might be interesting to hear one thing that took you outside of your comfort zone which today is/was important to your sobriety. I must have 50 but I only get one.......
Mine is:
Intensive outpatient therapy. Oh lord I didn't want to go but am so happy I did
Mine is:
Intensive outpatient therapy. Oh lord I didn't want to go but am so happy I did
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Thanks MIR, great thread.
Mine was the willingness to pare my life down to the absolute essentials during the first year. I didn't push myself to do anything that I didn't feel supported my sobriety and then I took my time recommitting to events and commitments.
There are things I can do without even thinking about drinking now after 2 1/2 years of sobriety that I absolutely would not have attempted in the first 6months.
In my mind, I was embarking on a life saving journey, putting it in that framework helped to really clarify the choices I made.
Mine was the willingness to pare my life down to the absolute essentials during the first year. I didn't push myself to do anything that I didn't feel supported my sobriety and then I took my time recommitting to events and commitments.
There are things I can do without even thinking about drinking now after 2 1/2 years of sobriety that I absolutely would not have attempted in the first 6months.
In my mind, I was embarking on a life saving journey, putting it in that framework helped to really clarify the choices I made.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 9
Forgiving myself for the things I did while I was drinking. It's always hard to think about, but I know I have to accept what I've done and not hold it against myself (EXCEPT to keep myself from doing it again!)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Learning to say "no".
I have put a tremendous amount of effort into maintaining a civil, even friendly and loving relationship with my children's father and his family. Despite the incredible emotional abuse he put me through, I see now that he is sick also. He is not a bad person deep inside, he just did/does bad things to me sometimes. We both are working on being good to one another as we have a great respect for each other as co-parents. In addition his family has been very good to me. I am alone here in Italy and they are all I have. So when holidays come I have joined in with their celebrations in order to enjoy those moments with the kids while allowing them to be with extended family. I also feel indebted to them for the help and support they have given me. All of this led to me saying "yes" to a lot of things that stressed me or were simply things I did not want to do.
I am getting better now at saying "no" to things that I know will cause too much stress or emotional turmoil.
I have put a tremendous amount of effort into maintaining a civil, even friendly and loving relationship with my children's father and his family. Despite the incredible emotional abuse he put me through, I see now that he is sick also. He is not a bad person deep inside, he just did/does bad things to me sometimes. We both are working on being good to one another as we have a great respect for each other as co-parents. In addition his family has been very good to me. I am alone here in Italy and they are all I have. So when holidays come I have joined in with their celebrations in order to enjoy those moments with the kids while allowing them to be with extended family. I also feel indebted to them for the help and support they have given me. All of this led to me saying "yes" to a lot of things that stressed me or were simply things I did not want to do.
I am getting better now at saying "no" to things that I know will cause too much stress or emotional turmoil.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I had to change everything.
My old life was all about drinking - my new life needed not to be.
I changed friends, social activities, the places I went to, the way I faced obstacles and problems.
I'm not saying everyone needs to do what I did but I reckon everyone needs to be prepared for some degree of change if they want to make change.
It was an extreme makeover in my case but I needed it, and I'm glad I did it.
I thought I was losing everything - but I regained a me I forgotten existed, and a great sober life to go with it
D
My old life was all about drinking - my new life needed not to be.
I changed friends, social activities, the places I went to, the way I faced obstacles and problems.
I'm not saying everyone needs to do what I did but I reckon everyone needs to be prepared for some degree of change if they want to make change.
It was an extreme makeover in my case but I needed it, and I'm glad I did it.
I thought I was losing everything - but I regained a me I forgotten existed, and a great sober life to go with it
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,996
I recognized that I couldn't stop on my own. Like Soberwolf, I went to an outpatient group after I sought help from an outpatient addictions services agency. I was in the helping profession and going to a service that I'd referred clients to many times was way out of my comfort zone. I was terrified I might run into former clients which actually never happened. Like you and IOP therapy, I'm glad that I did this.
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Great responses. I wanted to post this because it is really hard for someone new to sobriety to even know what needs to be changed or how to change it.
I know when I first decided to get sober as far as I was concerned the only problem was I drank too much. Take away the drinking and I didn't need to change anything else.
Oh boy was I WRONG because if there was any hope of staying sober I had to become a new person.
I know when I first decided to get sober as far as I was concerned the only problem was I drank too much. Take away the drinking and I didn't need to change anything else.
Oh boy was I WRONG because if there was any hope of staying sober I had to become a new person.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Roseville, Ca
Posts: 35
for me I changed two things, I put a cork in the bottle, and made a commitment to DDNMW (don't drink/drug no matter what), it works 100% of the time, i always could stop but staying stopped was the problem, so I stayed stopped change 1, and I keep an eye on the sober bouncing ball change 2, it's been working for years, i don't look back, I don't count days, so at 63 years old if I had to do it all over again I would not change a thing, I liked who I was and who I've become, recovery for me has been fun, Free Style Recovery Bob O, not a alcoholic, recovered.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 39
Day 2 here. I plan on challenging myself every single day. I've had a lot of day 2's. I've had plans before that didn't work. For me, day 2 has brought on a challenge that I've never really thought about in this way before. My challenge for today (and really for the remainder of this week) is to love myself. Whole heartedly love myself. I don't like that I'm an alcoholic, but I will no longer hate that part of me. I will embrace it and kill it with kindness and love. I'm challenging myself to not shame my addiction or be mad at the pain it has caused me, but instead love it. Talk to it, reason with it. Find out WHY? I treated myself this way....That
will be my challenge for next week or maybe the later days of this week, but right now I'm just challenging myself to love myself.
-Syn
will be my challenge for next week or maybe the later days of this week, but right now I'm just challenging myself to love myself.
-Syn
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
This will sound hokey, but it is true so I will write it.
For the first time in my life I moved closer towards acceptance of who I truly am and not who I want to be [perceived as] or could have been. In short, I grew up a little, my style.
Like many good lessons, acceptance has come the hard way. But I did not run or turn my back on myself. I kept my eyes and ears attuned and dug in.
For example, one particular night last winter, my first winter of sobriety, I sat in my car bawling after having spontaneously burst into tears during my year end review. That particular session of tears came on the heels of another epic session the week before. And and I was horrified - steeped in a nice mix of epic frustration, sadness, anger, fear, hatred, loathing - all the big nasty emotions rolled in one setting.
After I walked out of my review, old programming kicked in, screaming "RUN!" and get the heck out of here. The situation was so painful and physically uncomfortable and my inclination was not just to run, but to run to my old favorite dimly lit bar, recruit some new friends, and get overloaded and out of order. Why not? The end was near?
I don't drink. That idea was scrapped and I thought maybe I would just explain myself. Reveal to my colleagues and bosses all the uncomfortable personal circumstances that will explain this display of gasp! emotion. What am I going to do? This is not me!?!
This is me. As I thought it through, I realized that this is exactly who I am and where I am. I did not run away or destroy my career. No sabotage. I did not drink. I just gave myself the opportunity to work through things a little. Accept things a little. Released the tight grip a little. I dug in and found some compassion for myself and that is all I really needed all along. Told myself that everything is going to be OK.
Since April of 2014, I have been giving myself little doses of compassion and acceptance here and there. Bit by bit. Something I have denied myself for quite a long while. This is me and I like it a lot.
Great thread, MIR.
For the first time in my life I moved closer towards acceptance of who I truly am and not who I want to be [perceived as] or could have been. In short, I grew up a little, my style.
Like many good lessons, acceptance has come the hard way. But I did not run or turn my back on myself. I kept my eyes and ears attuned and dug in.
For example, one particular night last winter, my first winter of sobriety, I sat in my car bawling after having spontaneously burst into tears during my year end review. That particular session of tears came on the heels of another epic session the week before. And and I was horrified - steeped in a nice mix of epic frustration, sadness, anger, fear, hatred, loathing - all the big nasty emotions rolled in one setting.
After I walked out of my review, old programming kicked in, screaming "RUN!" and get the heck out of here. The situation was so painful and physically uncomfortable and my inclination was not just to run, but to run to my old favorite dimly lit bar, recruit some new friends, and get overloaded and out of order. Why not? The end was near?
I don't drink. That idea was scrapped and I thought maybe I would just explain myself. Reveal to my colleagues and bosses all the uncomfortable personal circumstances that will explain this display of gasp! emotion. What am I going to do? This is not me!?!
This is me. As I thought it through, I realized that this is exactly who I am and where I am. I did not run away or destroy my career. No sabotage. I did not drink. I just gave myself the opportunity to work through things a little. Accept things a little. Released the tight grip a little. I dug in and found some compassion for myself and that is all I really needed all along. Told myself that everything is going to be OK.
Since April of 2014, I have been giving myself little doses of compassion and acceptance here and there. Bit by bit. Something I have denied myself for quite a long while. This is me and I like it a lot.
Great thread, MIR.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by Verte 
This will sound hokey, but it is true so I will write it.
For the first time in my life I moved closer towards acceptance of who I truly am and not who I want to be [perceived as] or could have been. In short, I grew up a little, my style.
Like many good lessons, acceptance has come the hard way. But I did not run or turn my back on myself. I kept my eyes and ears attuned and dug in.
For example, one particular night last winter, my first winter of sobriety, I sat in my car bawling after having spontaneously burst into tears during my year end review. That particular session of tears came on the heels of another epic session the week before. And and I was horrified - steeped in a nice mix of epic frustration, sadness, anger, fear, hatred, loathing - all the big nasty emotions rolled in one setting.
After I walked out of my review, old programming kicked in, screaming "RUN!" and get the heck out of here. The situation was so painful and physically uncomfortable and my inclination was not just to run, but to run to my old favorite dimly lit bar, recruit some new friends, and get overloaded and out of order. Why not? The end was near?
I don't drink. That idea was scrapped and I thought maybe I would just explain myself. Reveal to my colleagues and bosses all the uncomfortable personal circumstances that will explain this display of gasp! emotion. What am I going to do? This is not me!?!
This is me. As I thought it through, I realized that this is exactly who I am and where I am. I did not run away or destroy my career. No sabotage. I did not drink. I just gave myself the opportunity to work through things a little. Accept things a little. Released the tight grip a little. I dug in and found some compassion for myself and that is all I really needed all along. Told myself that everything is going to be OK.
Since April of 2014, I have been giving myself little doses of compassion and acceptance here and there. Bit by bit. Something I have denied myself for quite a long while. This is me and I like it a lot.
Great thread, MIR.
For the first time in my life I moved closer towards acceptance of who I truly am and not who I want to be [perceived as] or could have been. In short, I grew up a little, my style.
Like many good lessons, acceptance has come the hard way. But I did not run or turn my back on myself. I kept my eyes and ears attuned and dug in.
For example, one particular night last winter, my first winter of sobriety, I sat in my car bawling after having spontaneously burst into tears during my year end review. That particular session of tears came on the heels of another epic session the week before. And and I was horrified - steeped in a nice mix of epic frustration, sadness, anger, fear, hatred, loathing - all the big nasty emotions rolled in one setting.
After I walked out of my review, old programming kicked in, screaming "RUN!" and get the heck out of here. The situation was so painful and physically uncomfortable and my inclination was not just to run, but to run to my old favorite dimly lit bar, recruit some new friends, and get overloaded and out of order. Why not? The end was near?
I don't drink. That idea was scrapped and I thought maybe I would just explain myself. Reveal to my colleagues and bosses all the uncomfortable personal circumstances that will explain this display of gasp! emotion. What am I going to do? This is not me!?!
This is me. As I thought it through, I realized that this is exactly who I am and where I am. I did not run away or destroy my career. No sabotage. I did not drink. I just gave myself the opportunity to work through things a little. Accept things a little. Released the tight grip a little. I dug in and found some compassion for myself and that is all I really needed all along. Told myself that everything is going to be OK.
Since April of 2014, I have been giving myself little doses of compassion and acceptance here and there. Bit by bit. Something I have denied myself for quite a long while. This is me and I like it a lot.
Great thread, MIR.
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Venecia
Not hokey at all, Verte. Poignant and spot on, friend.
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