Starting today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 2
Starting today
I'm new to this forum and am happy to have found it. This has been the worst year of my life. I have been diagnosed as depressed, take medicine, and see a therapist for those issues. My drinking has become heavier and heavier, until last night when my wife moved me to our basement. I am not allowed back into our bedroom until I show positive change. Also, today I will explain to my teenaged daughters what I did wrong.
How do you deal with the guilt and sheer sick feeling of having screwed up so bad? Obviously I will be discussing this during my therapy this week, but I feel like I have hit rock bottom. How do I apologize to my wife? I feel horrible that the only thing which can change this is time and change.
How do you deal with the guilt and sheer sick feeling of having screwed up so bad? Obviously I will be discussing this during my therapy this week, but I feel like I have hit rock bottom. How do I apologize to my wife? I feel horrible that the only thing which can change this is time and change.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome helpscott! It's great to meet you.
By the time I quit I had many people very disappointed in me. It was hard to focus on myself, but that's what you need to do. Getting well and healthy has to come first, for now. The guilt & remorse almost sabotaged my recovery - please be kind & patient with yourself. Usually, the important people in your life will come around & eventually the bad memories will fade.
By the time I quit I had many people very disappointed in me. It was hard to focus on myself, but that's what you need to do. Getting well and healthy has to come first, for now. The guilt & remorse almost sabotaged my recovery - please be kind & patient with yourself. Usually, the important people in your life will come around & eventually the bad memories will fade.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hi Scott, sorry u & ur family r going through this. The only way u will make it upto ur wife is by changing & getting sober.
I've been diagnosed with depression & i was deffinately drinking to numb that. I sorted myself out, went to the dr & im now on meds. I was totally honest about my drinking & ive also come clean about the full extent of my drinking to my fiance & close friends & family.
This will b 1 of the hardest things u have to do, but it will get easier as time goes on & ull regain ur life & be the husband & father u want to be. Good luck & when ur feeling anxious or need to vent u iust come on here & talk to us. Speaking to other aalcoholic's is very therapeutic.
I've been diagnosed with depression & i was deffinately drinking to numb that. I sorted myself out, went to the dr & im now on meds. I was totally honest about my drinking & ive also come clean about the full extent of my drinking to my fiance & close friends & family.
This will b 1 of the hardest things u have to do, but it will get easier as time goes on & ull regain ur life & be the husband & father u want to be. Good luck & when ur feeling anxious or need to vent u iust come on here & talk to us. Speaking to other aalcoholic's is very therapeutic.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome helpscott 
for me just staying sober was crucial. The only way I could deal with all the regret shame and guilt I felt was to make clear distance between my old life and the new sober one I wanted.
Whatever it takes for you to stay sober - do it...you'll start to feel better. Think about the kind of man you want to be...and then do what you can to be that man.
A sense of purpose can really help your sense of perspective.
Yesterday is gone - we can't change a second of it, no matter how much we want to - but today? it's a fresh new clean page. Don't waste it thinking too much about yesterday, ok?
D
for me just staying sober was crucial. The only way I could deal with all the regret shame and guilt I felt was to make clear distance between my old life and the new sober one I wanted.
Whatever it takes for you to stay sober - do it...you'll start to feel better. Think about the kind of man you want to be...and then do what you can to be that man.
A sense of purpose can really help your sense of perspective.
Yesterday is gone - we can't change a second of it, no matter how much we want to - but today? it's a fresh new clean page. Don't waste it thinking too much about yesterday, ok?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Welcome to SR, helpscott; glad you found us.
The best way for us alcoholics to begin deal with guilt, shame and to make amends to our family is to achieve and maintain sobriety and work diligently on our recoveries.
You will find a lot of support and understanding here, helpscott.
Again, welcome.
The best way for us alcoholics to begin deal with guilt, shame and to make amends to our family is to achieve and maintain sobriety and work diligently on our recoveries.
You will find a lot of support and understanding here, helpscott.
Again, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: ottawa
Posts: 66
Hey Scott, glad you found this place. Your story reminds me of exactly what I could be doing if I don't smarten up too. It's not too late to make a change, and it sounds like you're ready to take the necessary steps to own and overcome it. It isn't easy. I hope the conversation goes well. My mom still drinks heavily, but is still in denial -- I wish she would have been honest with me because I ended up having the same issues with alcohol as her. You have a chance to turn it around and be a positive role model Good luck.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 2
Thanks for the words, everyone. Tonight has been the worst, when I told my daughters of my problem and the consequences if I drink. Then at dinner my wife explained to them (they are teenagers) that she still loves me but that she's done if it happens again, she doesn't deserve it, and that I need to fix it. I don't disagree and feel miserable. Cried more than ever. I have a plan, seeing my therapist on Thursday and realize this will take time. But it's not easy. #horribleday#can'twaitforittobebedtime
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh 
Reading, posting and replying to threads really seems to help many people, soulpower.
Again, welcome to SR.
Again, welcome to SR.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Helpscott - You feel very low right now, but each day will be a little better. You'll gain strength and courage as you begin to heal. It's very difficult for our 'normies' to understand what we go through. Keep posting, you're never alone.
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