Flirting with poison
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 113
Flirting with poison
I made my weekly trip to do the grocery shopping. Somehow, I let myself walk down the wine aisle and flirt with the bottles. I'm not sure why I did this. For a few moments I actually walked through a plan to buy and drink only two glasses. I even considered buying the small box wine that has exactly three servings. A sensible portion for an evening compared to my old ways. Then I considered how I could buy five of those and just have one per evening for the next week. The only thing standing in my way of buying those was my choice. I had a struggle with my inner wine lover for another minute or so but my sober and sound mind won.
I touched the packaging, took a long deep breath and walked away.
Day 26
I touched the packaging, took a long deep breath and walked away.
Day 26
Making concessions. That's what I do in my head... oh, but just this once...oh, but it's on sale... I'm a procrastinator, always putting things off. The worst quality when you're trying to kick a bad habit. Great on you for not giving in!
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Daisy, good save.
Those three serving wine cartons you describe used to be my go to. Single serving for me, of course...
I avoided the wine aisle altogether for well over 6 months. Ain't no shame in that.
One day I was in an unfamiliar store, took a turn and ended up smack dab in the wine aisle. I sweated a little. But realized I really didn't want that crap. Now I don't go to the wine aisle not because I'm afraid, but because there's nothing there for me.
You'll get there. Good job!
Those three serving wine cartons you describe used to be my go to. Single serving for me, of course...
I avoided the wine aisle altogether for well over 6 months. Ain't no shame in that.
One day I was in an unfamiliar store, took a turn and ended up smack dab in the wine aisle. I sweated a little. But realized I really didn't want that crap. Now I don't go to the wine aisle not because I'm afraid, but because there's nothing there for me.
You'll get there. Good job!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 113
Stupid AV. At least I'm smart enough to remember that I could never only have one of those mini boxes with three servings. I would have two of the boxes and feel proud because I didn't actually drink two full bottles of wine. Oh the games and tricks I used to play just to keep the red poison flowing.
I'm curious if I'm experiencing this now right on the eve of approaching 30 days as some twisted attempt to self sabotage. Luckily, I'm sober and can analyze my thoughts in a meaningful way.
I'm sticking to my mantra of "do anything but drink" and "you've got this".
I'm curious if I'm experiencing this now right on the eve of approaching 30 days as some twisted attempt to self sabotage. Luckily, I'm sober and can analyze my thoughts in a meaningful way.
I'm sticking to my mantra of "do anything but drink" and "you've got this".
Your right it isn't easy but you just proved it can be done I hope lots of ppl see this thread today as it will give them hope
Your right it isn't easy but you just done it great job
Ps I still stay away from the alcohol isle nothing there for me it will get easier
Your right it isn't easy but you just done it great job
Ps I still stay away from the alcohol isle nothing there for me it will get easier
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
We don't have wine isles in our stores......you have to make a special stop at the state liquor store for that. I haven't been in one of those stores in at least a year or two.......but I have been to the beer isle many times.
Truth be told
I miss my old liquor store pals. They were so eager to share their knowledge about every beverage. I just said today I'd like [insert whatever] and they'd get so excited to hook me up. They welcomed me into the place like an old friend. There was rarely anyone else there when I'd walk in, so no anxieties just blissful anticipation. I am really ashamed that these memories are so beautiful in my mind still. Everyone wanted me around, it seemed.
I just wanted to be wanted. But really I ended up not caring about any of the people I used with and I felt worse and worse about them and me hating everyone because the disgust with myself would come out. I wonder if they ever really liked to see me? In my skewed vision of the past who knows? I remember that self-seething and now, I want to make healthy friends. The steps help lead me to forgiveness, but every bottle of every kind reminds me of how dead I get inside when I try to replace friendship with the[vice]---> the zombie I had become. It took so much work to tell the truth, finally. Maybe that is why I dread Halloween, I wore a mask every day and now I don't want to anymore. It used to be so fun??
Guess it wasn't the partiers I miss after all. I really didn't know them, or let them know me. Those bottles remind me of what I am really looking for. Someone to like me in an unaltered state. So today, I'll splurge on my favorite decaf tea and start with liking myself. Who knows, maybe, I'll be brave enough to have a conversation with a real person. Or maybe I'll just sit and enjoy being sane for today, with my tea...right out in public!
I just wanted to be wanted. But really I ended up not caring about any of the people I used with and I felt worse and worse about them and me hating everyone because the disgust with myself would come out. I wonder if they ever really liked to see me? In my skewed vision of the past who knows? I remember that self-seething and now, I want to make healthy friends. The steps help lead me to forgiveness, but every bottle of every kind reminds me of how dead I get inside when I try to replace friendship with the[vice]---> the zombie I had become. It took so much work to tell the truth, finally. Maybe that is why I dread Halloween, I wore a mask every day and now I don't want to anymore. It used to be so fun??
Guess it wasn't the partiers I miss after all. I really didn't know them, or let them know me. Those bottles remind me of what I am really looking for. Someone to like me in an unaltered state. So today, I'll splurge on my favorite decaf tea and start with liking myself. Who knows, maybe, I'll be brave enough to have a conversation with a real person. Or maybe I'll just sit and enjoy being sane for today, with my tea...right out in public!
In my local shop you have to queue in the alcohol aisle. I'm used to it now and I just stare straight ahead, if I have to go to that store.
But yeah, if you don't need to be in the wine aisle, don't be there, at least in the early days
But yeah, if you don't need to be in the wine aisle, don't be there, at least in the early days
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