Notices

Newby...GF may be an alcoholic

Old 09-11-2016, 11:27 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
MeSoSober's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
I see quite a bit of myself in your girlfriend. I would be surprised if either a) her binges aren't more frequent than you think or b) they don't get more frequent with time. Alcoholism is progressive; it almost invariably gets worse.

Have you spoken to her yet about the fact that her drinking still bothers you? Because I imagine that your answer will depend largely on her response to your concerns. Even if she acknowledges she has a problem, though, be prepared that, even if she truly loves you, she's unlikely to stop because of your concerns. The vast majority of us have to decide for ourselves that we've had enough, and then actively seek help to stop.

Speaking from personal experience here. You and my ex-boyfriend (who I loved dearly) would probably have an awful lot to talk about.
MeSoSober is offline  
Old 09-11-2016, 01:51 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maudcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Are Al-Anon meetings a possibility for you? Everyone in those rooms has had the questions that you have. Tons of wisdom and help are there. Only you can decide your path going forward, but it helps to have support. Peace.
Maudcat is offline  
Old 09-11-2016, 02:29 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,885
Hi Iamfluke! Good on ya for seeking information on this situation. You might want to pay the Friends and Family Forum a visit although it is not as hopeful IMHO as this forum. This forum is replete with amazing folks who really want to get sober and get serious about recovery. There are many sad stories in FandF.

Whatever you decide to do, please think twice about getting her pregnant. The women's forum has threads from drinkers who got pregnant and then can't stop drinking; these are decent women who want to do the right thing but fail as alcohol has such a hold on them. Fetal alcohol syndrome is tragic.

Keep reading, learning and let us know how you get on.
Bekindalways is offline  
Old 02-11-2017, 10:37 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 5
Update

Hi all, I just wanted to give an update on my progress since many were kind enough to offer advice to me.

Well, I wish I had taken further steps. I know that I can't change an alcoholic, and there are many things i still do not understand, but I wish I had done more.

The drinking continued on/off. And then one night she got black out drunk and I walked in to the pub to find her getting off with someone. For the first 3 months, she denied denied denied, told me I just saw what I wanted to....he was like a brother to her...she was just being friendly....she had forgiven her ex for much worse(!??!).....just complete ******** and clutching at straws.

I cut her out of my life. And her daughter . She turned up drunk a few times at my house, nagged me to meet up for sex, then told people i was just using her for one thing only!!

I'm a fool and still love her. The trust is ruined, but today, FINALLY, she admits that getting black out drunk and cheating is something that has occurred many times during her life.

The lies, the gaslighting...it's all been too painful. I'm going to a counselling session with her on Tuesday (not couple's counselling). She is getting some support because she tried to kill herself a week after I broke up with her.

Wow, what a mess. You guys and gals warned me, and I appreciate that...but I was never prepared for all this. I'm pretty much devastated. Still very confused as to the why. I think she is too. Don't know what else to say, apart from feedback of any kind is more than welcome
iamfluke is offline  
Old 02-11-2017, 11:11 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I didn't read through the whole thread so I apologize if what i'm going to say has been said.

You're not married, you don't have kids together (I get loving the step child, I've been there....except it was grand kids). Right?

Why aren't you long gone, with miles between the two of you? There are ALWAYS other fish in the sea. And, if you don't really work on yourself, you may get yourself into another similar relationship.

Why do this to yourself? Quite frankly, if I were not an addict I would never consider a relationship with one of us, knowing what I know. Or I guess I should say, with me. Yeah, I'm in recovery but super early, only 6 months. I wouldn't date an addict unless they had serious time. And even then, that don't make em saints. A sober horse thief is still a horse thief. I know I'm taking kind of a hard line but why put yourself through this?
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 02-11-2017, 11:49 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Originally Posted by iamfluke View Post
Wow, what a mess. You guys and gals warned me, and I appreciate that...but I was never prepared for all this.
Of course you weren't prepared. White knights never think they are going to be knocked off their horse.

You can't save her. But I think that you think you can. So I suspect you'll keep trying and you will keep being devastated by the alcoholic in your life.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 02-11-2017, 12:35 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 5
For awhile, I thought I could save her. I gave up on that idea about 3 months ago.

Her councillor (apparently) thinks it might be a good idea to attend a session together for closure. Personally, I seriously doubt I will get closure from this.

Embarrassing to say, I'm hoping my side of the story will help the councillor understand what she's dealing with. I can't say for definite whether the wool has been pulled over her eyes, but I get that impression off the ex.

So, joint session with the ex, this will be the last time I bother with her ( as stated, I cut her out for 3 months, I'm ready to cut her out for good)..but one last chance to talk things over with a councillor has to be good? Even if it's just to help us both move on?
iamfluke is offline  
Old 02-11-2017, 12:42 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Truly sorry for what you're going through. Just know that your closure will come from within. Nothing she has to say will bring you peace,that's on you. Plan on more gaslighting at the session..That's what we A's do. Again..Take care of yourself,buddy. My thoughts are with you.
DontRemember is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:04 PM.