Syn3rgistic

I've lurked here for years. Dee, Scott,Soberwolf,Patman, etc you all have given so many people the resources. Despite your efforts, I have not listened, although my posts probably don't reflect it. I am obviously missing many people, and if I wasn't drunk I could name at least a dozen others that have given me help why I was lurking. Anyway, as I have alluded to I'm drunk. Like many, I have always thought that I could do this myself. I feel like nobody can understand how hard it is, or the position it is. I've let go of the self-importance. I screencapped an AA meeting an sent it to my significant other. Sometimes I just need a kick in the butt. I know once I get there I'll enjoy it and get into it. I enjoyed reading the big book, but It didn't help because I couldn't see results. I told and promised my SO that I would go to the meeting. It's not for her, it doesn't really change much for us whether I go or not. But I want to go.....I'm a closet drinker. I drink alone 99% of the time. Nobody knows I'm an alcoholic and people minimize the problem because people can't imagine someone so "successful" as myself is a drunk.... but they just don't know.... I tried to tell them..... nobody believes or listens or understands... So I'm admitting to you all tonight.... I am an alcoholic no doubt... and I"m bad... probably not as bad as the worst , but probably worse than most, but it doesn't matter how bad I was. I want help. And tomorrow night I will show my face in front a group of AA's and admit to the group that I need help. That is what it's about right. I can't go up until I get off my high horse and admit that I have a problem that others can relate to..... I'm not special. I know the literature. I know HALT. I know AV. I just don't use it. So this is my cry for help. Help me SR please. I want to get better. (no fear about withdrawals, I went to the doc today and got plenty of medication for detox) I've detoxed before. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about next week.... and just blowing it by drinking alone yet again. Please Help. Please. All comments are welcome. As far as tonight. I'm smart enough to know that I dumped out the alcohol before I even posted, so while I'm drunk. I have no more and am sipping on water and gatorade (just ordered food) waiting for the morning hell. Please help. Thank you SR!

Coldfusion

I'm glad you dumped out the rest of the booze!

I think you'll find AA very helpful in maintaining your sobriety long-term. Just keep going to meetings!

esinger

. Hello,
You can get through this. It seems overwhelming now and it takes some time but once you past the initial shock to your system, it'll get better. It's easy to slip back. Change is always uncomfortable so it does take some perseverance and a real desire to change. This is where a support group and SR might help.
Once you get your brain back and get to know yourself sober I think you'll like what you find.
Good luck and good night.

Lorax1981

Right on syn! You stepped out from the shadows and signed up. Props. Good luck to you, each sober footstep is a step in the right direction.
-Ted

sydneyman

Nice post.. We are all here for each other.. Good place and will help you along your journey.. Welcome

rachelle77

Glad you posted, syn.

I believe you and understand what you are going through. All of us here on SR, and in AA can.

Admitting and accepting you have a problem (or that you are unhappy with how unmanageable your life has become as a result of drinking) are the first two parts. Next, is taking action. That's where posting and going to meetings fit in. In order for our healing and recovery to work we must take action. A recovery plan that includes support is now key.

I believe you can do this! And I look forward to reading more of your posts explaining what your journey is like.

Tooshabby

We'll be with you all the way, syn. Just keep posting. Maybe you could also join the November class when it starts in a day or two. It's a great way to get to know people who are beginning the journey around the same time as you.

I'm excited for you!!!

Time2Rise

Are you willing to work the 12-Steps with a sponsor Syn3rgistic? I don't use AA, but most of the AA members I know who have long term sobriety have worked the 12-Steps with a sponsor.

Also the wording of your post suggests you're currently away on business and that you may drink a lot when you travel Syn3rgistic. That was my MO, and I have had to cut out travel for awhile in order to sustain my sobriety (fortunately I was able to do so for now, but I will have to resume travel at some point in the future). I don't know if travel is impeding your sobriety, but if it is, would you be able to stop traveling for a month or two?

Personally, making some changes in my lifestyle has made sobriety easier to sustain.

Soberwolf

Having a plan really helps

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Syn3rgistic!!

loulou1981

Don't worry, we're all afraid, ur posting & that's great , we're all here for u!!!

Soberwolf

How are you tonight bud lean on us its ok

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

mns1

Hi Syn3rgistic

fini

hey Syn,

i was a three-decade closet drinker, too. tried over and over. am smart enough. strong-willed. couldn't for the life of me figure out why smarts and will weren't doing the rtick.
knowing i'm an alcoholic has helped with that bigtime.
getting engaged with others helped.
you're doing those.
actions relating to that helped even more.
finally actually doing the step-stuff helped yet more...that was my journey.
the results have been coming from the doing.

good to see you back.

how was the meeting?

i remember crystal-clearly the most impressive person to me at an AA meeting: it was her first day not drinking. she'd gone to a health clinic and said she needed help: where could she go? they sent her to our meeting specifically, where she showed up, declared she couldn't do it by herself and said "i need your help".
she just got her 8-months chip

reaching out is the first step. don't stop there.

Sizzle

I think many of us once thought we were afraid of living sober. We thought we'd miss some fun. However, the truth is, fun for me is no longer worrying about being pulled over or doing some really stupid things. I can have more than enough fun while sober - and avoid the trouble that excessive drinking would have brought on. You're in the right spot. You've realized you have an issue. Good luck with taking the next steps in your recovery.