InTheEnd

So, I mentioned before that now sober, I though I hate my job.

Anyway, just got news of a restructuring and we just got our new packets for our next year benefit enrollments.

Without getting into the details......it sucks and more money out of my pocket any way you look at it.

I can't shake the anger. I've talked about it, I've run for hours, I've worked out so hard my body hurts.......and I'm still pissed off. I literally want to punch someone. I want to quit. I want to flip them the bird and just walk out.

I won't do any of those things (this is one time I wish I was young again so I could).

Back when I was capable of being a drinker and working out, the working out would make me feel better. When I stopped working out and was just drinking, the drinking, hangovers and all around self hate made stuff like this easier to cope with, since I thought I was a loser so I must've "deserved it".

Now, I'm sober and pissed, working out and running isn't working.....I just want to claw someones eyes out. I've been like this since Monday, and the hits keep coming. I guess this new company (they took over the middle of last year) thought it better to get all the crap out in one week and get all the hate and anger from us over with at once.

I'm not craving a drink.....I don't need all that baggage that goes with it. But looking back, I guess when I was drinking, I didn't care too much about this stuff....I was too busy hating myself.

Now, I need action. I need to feel like I'm doing something about it, but there's nothing I can do, except get a new job. I've worked for this large company for almost 25 years.

I guess I can grin and bear it....but I'm worried I'll blow. I literally can't stand even sitting here today.

Any suggestions on how to keep the anger at bay?
There is nothing I can do about the changes....talking to someone within the company won't change it. I can vent to my immediate bosses but again, nothing they can do, they're in the same situation.

sobriiestote

Can you put all your thoughts and opinions in writing to the management, clearly and consisely. Even if you think they can't or won't take action, it might help to get it all down and out of your system?

In the meantime I would consider looking elsewhere, you never know what's out there until you look. Could be a great big sign for a change.

Well done for not drinking over it even though that would have been the previous automatic response.

Life's too short for work to suck that much : (((

doggonecarl

Maybe not, but if drink has been your "go-to" solution to past anger, maybe your addiction is trying to wear down your defenses.

I not been successful at "making" anger go away. But accepting my anger, accepting it was part of early recovery, gave it less power over me.

JD

The serenity prayer is a good place to start. There are somethings we can control and others we can't. What your company does with its benefits are outside your control. Changing jobs is something you can control, but does come with its own set of pluses and minuses. Try working on the choices you have under the situation. Except the new benefits or moving forward on a job change.

InTheEnd

It's weird, but this job is bringing back some of those feelings I felt when I drank.......worthless, confused, and every nerve in my body is on fire. My head feels "full", like it will explode, my stomach feels sick and constantly churning (that came from the guilt....though no guilt, its the same feeling). It makes me hate my job even more, just like I hate alcohol.

Thanks for the advice, and sorry for bitching.

thomas11

Hi InTheEnd, don't feel you have to respond to this as it may be personal, but is this health benefits you are speaking of? Or a different benefits package? Lastly, are you REQURED to participate in this? I know I have been pondering that when I re-enteer the workforce I am going to treat myself like a subcontractor. I will be an employee but may very well choose not to participate in anything they offer unless I AM THE BENEFICIARY. Sometimes companies take your money and use it to make themselves more money. eff em.

MIRecovery

Is all of the anger and resentment going to change anything other than to hurt you?

We can do what we can do to change things but we have to accept the rest. We don't have to like it but we have to accept it.

If the job is that horrible look for a different job. If there is nothing better than maybe the job is better than you think

Berrybean

I know it sounds trite - but just try to remember that anger is just an emotion. You can accept it's there and choose to walk away from it if you want to. The anger is not part of you. Forming resentments over things (even if they're justified) really is like punishing ourselves for something that isn't our fault - the only person that your anger really hurts is you.

I find that the resentment prayer works pretty well (sometimes after a few times saying it) - and you don't need to mean it when you first say , so don't worry about that - it's worth a go, even if you don't think it'll work. You have nothing to lose!

RESENTMENT PRAYER:
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.

The serenity prayer as someone else suggested is also really helpful in these situations.

God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hope you feel better soon.

wpainterw

I would say that a lot depends on what employment opportunities are available for you out there. If there are many or even enough so that you could get reemployed at a decent wage, then It's better to cool it. Having a meltdown with the management make it even worse.
But if you have little or no mobility or are getting on in years then that's a very difficult issue. Maybe the best thing is to hang in there and hope that something will turn up. Drinking obviously would make it far worse. Maybe your doctor can help but be very careful with prescription pills if they are addictive. Good luck and every good wish.

W.

Soberwolf

Breathing exercises trust me it works, really sorry intheend

3 Anxiety Breathing Techniques You Can Practice Anywhere - Self help for anxiety -

How do You Dance With Anger? - Self help for anxiety -

Frank14

My frustrations with my job were the exact reason I started drinking years ago, so I can relate to being angry. However, I was also at a job in which they "restructured" after a Private Equity buy-out. I wish they only raised our costs. Instead they laid off my entire department. So, it could always be worse. The unemployment out there is sky high, regardless whether you believe the phony statistics, so you are better off than a lot of people. You have an existing job, and you can start looking at your own pace. Just updating your resume and looking to see what's out there will go along way in changing your attitude. Something similar just happened to me recently and I went to watch the movie "Office Space" again. Sometimes humor is the best medicine, at least in the short term. Whatever you do, do not even think about drinking!

Ruby2

I don't mean to sound trite but writing a gratitude list. I got really angry when my emergency room co-pay went up. When I started it was zero. Now it's $150. But - sure beats the heck out of paying out of pocket if I need to go.

Same with monthly contributions to my health insurance. They've gone up as well. However, when I look at my portion compared to what I would have to pay out of pocket were I to seek insurance on my own? No way on earth would I have decent insurance.

I'm grateful that I have employer subsidized health benefits.

I have done the same explosive simmering hate filled anger that you are doing about the changes. It didn't get me very far to vent about it. It helped in the beginning to process it all but to keep revisiting the issue wasn't productive.

Try to meditate. If your job really isn't all that you want, can you make it into something you would find satisfactory? If not, what would it take to make a change?

InTheEnd

Thanks so much to everyone for the helpful advise. Feeling less angry today thankfully.

I think what through me into a frenzy was my lack of ability to handle this mentally rationally. I was doing what I do when I drank when $hit would hit the fan....obsessing about it, playing the victim, worrying about things in the future, seeing the worst and feeling sorry for myself.

The truth is, it is what it is. I can only do my best and hope the future brings better things.

Thanks again, it was just good for me to get it off my chest here rather than direct all this anger to the higher ups. It wouldn't have been pretty!

Soberwolf