So i drank...
 

So I drank....

4 nights running even though I told myself I only wanted "a" night off...

5 bottles of wine later....

Observations;

It tasted like paint stripper at first but by the end of the bottle it was ok.
It made my lips tingle straight away.
I had terrible broken sleep.
I had those mild lingering headaches all day.
The children irritated me easily, I had no patience and was short tempered.
My heart was racing the next day and I felt anxious.
Despite selling myself the idea I was trying out moderating / controlled drinking I still made sure I had more than a bottle each night.

Conclusion;

I can't drink moderately.
I don't want to be back there.

I'm disappointed in myself but also proud I managed 47 days.

Now I have to bow out of the class of September and join the class of October, day 2...

I'm sure you can be in both classes ff ,

Double the support then :)

Glad your back giving sobriety a chance , never give up on yourself ,

m

:hug: Rome wasnt built in a day

Welcome back, keep fighting!

I am struggeling myself with the want to "reward" myself with a bottle of wine after I stay sober long enough to feel good again.

Let's just try to make this slip the last one!

Brush yourself off and recommit. Join us over at the October class, but I'm sure the September crew will still welcome you.

Reply
 

Sometimes I wish alcohol was never invented or it's price is doubled, anything to stop us pouring it down our neck like water after a long run.

Go at things again Foreverfuzzy, you haven't lost what you learnt in those 47 days, just draw a line under it and keep pushing forward.

Maybe some more support might be a good idea moving forward, when those "night off" feelings come around again, post here on SR or check out this and other threads, I guarantee there'll be plenty of folks here that will talk you out of it!!

You can do this!! :)

Sending a virtual hug to you fuzzy!

You did 47 days, so you know you can, and this slip will remind you why you wanted to quit in the first place:)

We're here for you:)

Thanks everyone, I knew you'd all be supportive.

Stupid thing is I had promised to post on here before I bought any wine and of course I didn't because I "wanted" to drink, I didn't "want" to be talked out of it...

In my alcohol brief intervention group they kept telling us if we drank again, it wasn't the end of the world, it shouldn't mean all is lost and I kept saying "but that sounds like you're telling me I can drink again"... But I realise that what they meant was don't turn a bad decision into a bender and do a 180' turn in the wrong direction.

I'm going to carry on not drinking, I like the direction I was heading in, I like the variety of thoughts I was having, the time I was spending on hobbies, I liked the fact that I wasn't gripped by wine, where wine was, when I was going to buy wine, when I was going to drink wine, hiding wine, recovering from wine...

I'm back on track...

I've proved a "night off" can NOT happen, I'm lucky I stopped at 4 nights, phew...

Good to hear you are back at it. You can do this! Sending you a big virtual hug.

So me!
 

Hi there
Thanks for your honesty this is me, well I haven't done longer that a week or so for a long time. I think oh I can drink sensibly now I feel good ill just have two glasses of vino and I end up a bottle plus later and hardly remember going to bed or what I've watched. I've probably watched the same movie three times before remembering oh I may have seen this,dreadful memory now.

Glad you're getting back on track foreverfuzzy

The "secret" that takes a while to learn is that alcohol is NO REWARD.....instead it is an addictive poison that will ruin everything and take away your good feeling.......:headbange
Find another reward!

Hey Fuzzy
I'm glad you are back. And you haven't lost your sober time, just interrupted it. There is no reason you can't get right back to where you were. The tough part, as you are seeing, is the obsession. The obsession to drink like a normal person, to moderate, has to be utterly obliterated. Its like loosing weight, anyone can drop a few lbs. But can they keep it off? That requires lifelong changes and daily vigilance. Hang in there.

Hi Fuzzy
One more thing. I relate to not reaching out for help when I want to drink...because my mind is already made up. The time to reach out is usually days or even weeks before the drink. I have to notice the subtle changes in my thinking, the voices that start to rationalize. Like the voice you listened to that interpreted your groups words as permission to drink, rather than not letting a bender end your desire to quit. Its tough, relapse. On the one hand, no it isn't the end of the world. But on another, a person might never come back from it. So it has to be taken seriously, but not in that negative shame based way. Just in a way that says 'what am I going to do differently if I REALLY want to stay sober?'.

Hi, FF! Sending hugs and support...you can do this because you are doing this.
I sent you a note on the September thread too, and it pertains to what you just said in your last post here: that sometimes we start thinking about drinking well before and that thinking can be a sign of a potential fall. I notice that in my own thinking, and I think I saw that in yours, too. I think tracking some of those signs can be a great support to our sobriety. Take care, FF. And I hope you'll keep posting on the September thread if you feel it is helpful to you. All of us benefit from your wisdom and kindness.

I know this feeling, while drinking for the 3 nights on my own, away for the weekend I couldn't pay attention to watching anything properly, I actually felt restless even while drinking.

Then when I got home and told my husband I was drinking he was sooooo disappointed and launched into a long conversation about how proud he'd been of me and why I should not drink. All I could think was "shut up and let me drink". We proceeded to have a huge argument that night (1st one in 7 weeks, funny that...) which I don't remember what I said or how it ended. I just know I woke up full of regret, knew that I hadn't enjoyed the whole experience and that it had proved to me it was not worth persuing.

I feel relieved to be on day 2 today and hope the toxins leave my system soon, it actually felt like poison even when I was drinking it, it wasn't nice at all. :headbange

I'm glad you're back.

This caught my attention. I'm struggling to find another reward. I logged on here actually because I was feeling tempted to reward myself with wine this evening because I worked so hard to finish up my finals for school today. I agree with you that I shouldn't view wine as an award, but I don't know what to replace it with.

Glad you're back on track FF and didn't turn this into an extended bender.

Use how you feel right now to fuel your sobriety. I had the same experience in May 2014. Up until then, I had always left a little opening that I could one day drink again. I took that opportunity and it turned into a two month free-for-all drink fest. It ended by me drinking in the mornings, afternoons and evenings, until I finally realized just how much better life was when sober. Not just a little better, but even the worst days sober are way better and of a higher quality than the days I spent drinking.

Now you know, there is no middle ground.

Good for you on getting right back up and on day 2!