Day 3: Denial
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
Day 3: Denial
I'm going to be honest. I kind of want to walk away from this all and I'm beginning to regret coming here. I feel silly because I don't think I have a problem. I don't drink every day. And when I do drink I don't drink nearly as much as some people. I've had a couple bad incidences but nothing normal drinkers don't experience. I just need a new hobby.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
normal drinkers dont have them bad incidences.
welp, youre having them bad incidences and it reads like youve connected them to alcohol comsumption.
its not about amount consumed. its about what happens when we drink and the underlying issues alcohol can be just a symptom of.
it seems ya have some mental games happening.
maybe go back and read this
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html
we would hate to see ya leave thinking theres no problem with alcohol and come back in the future much worse.
theres many examples right here of people that did that a d were fortunate to be able to make it back in much worse condition.
welp, youre having them bad incidences and it reads like youve connected them to alcohol comsumption.
its not about amount consumed. its about what happens when we drink and the underlying issues alcohol can be just a symptom of.
it seems ya have some mental games happening.
maybe go back and read this
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-drinking.html
we would hate to see ya leave thinking theres no problem with alcohol and come back in the future much worse.
theres many examples right here of people that did that a d were fortunate to be able to make it back in much worse condition.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Maybe you don't have a problem. That's for you to decide, not the members of SR or anyone else. However, I suggest doing a serious and honest cost benefit analysis of continued drinking.
Use this link for a CBA worksheet:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resourc..._Worksheet.pdf
Use this link for a CBA worksheet:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resourc..._Worksheet.pdf
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by secretchord 
I'll stick around, but it's really alarming to read all these stories here of people that are way worse than me.
it was the progression of alcoholism.
glad to see ya sticking around.
and the alarming stories?
Youre Elligible Too.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
SR will always be here I wouldn't judge or compare your drink problem to somebody else's the fact your thinking about drinking cos your not that bad is a classic line btw plus its a massive red flag
Wish you well hope you stay if not best wishes & prosperity to you
Wish you well hope you stay if not best wishes & prosperity to you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I think you need to re read what you posted the other night:
Do normal drinkers have the closest to them, telling them that they have a problem? . . . because either he or you isn't reading the situation quite right?
Your thread title "denial" indicates you already know the real answer!!
I sat down with hubby tonight and asked him if he thought I had a problem with alcohol. He said he thought I did. I went further and told him about the secrecy part and he was pretty shocked. He said he would support for me through my decision to not drink.
Your thread title "denial" indicates you already know the real answer!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Sometimes u just cant label things, i didnt drink everyday & im not alcohol dependent but i have major issues with booze (drink more than i should, have blackouts, feel anxious & ashamed after drinking) this is why i have chosen to try & stay sober, u must believe deep down u have issues otherwise u probably wouldn't have found this site, it doesn't make u a bad person to admit u need to make some changes.
On this site so far i have come across all sorts, daily vodka/wine/beer drinkers, mums, dads, binge drinkers, people who have lost alot & people who just want to make changes before its too late, bottom line is we all don't like what alcohol does to us & our inability to control ourselves!
On this site so far i have come across all sorts, daily vodka/wine/beer drinkers, mums, dads, binge drinkers, people who have lost alot & people who just want to make changes before its too late, bottom line is we all don't like what alcohol does to us & our inability to control ourselves!
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I always thought "they" were worse than me, until I discovered in some ways, I was worse than "them". I really and truly thought I was honest with myself a long time, but honest with myself was a "becoming". It did not just happen. My wife is a "normal" drinker. She may have a glass or two of wine most nights. I have only seen her "tipsy" two or three times in 16 years.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 72
I've recently stopped drinking. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or if I just have a problem with my drinking. Regardless, I stopped. It's been 11 days. I've been wrestling with a lot of the same thoughts as you.
If I compare myself to some others, I am not as "bad" as they are. However, if I compare myself to a different set of people, I could actually be worse. It's never good to compare yourself to others because that really doesn't give you a realistic view of yourself; it just gives you a comparison.
I really don't want to give up wine either. It makes me really sad, and I'm pretty bummed about it. I keep asking myself if this is really necessary. Do I really need to give it up, or can I just manage it?
So here's what I did. I made a list of the things I've done due to alcohol that don't make me proud, things that don't honor the best person I know I can be. By comparison to some other people my list might not seem so bad, but TO ME, it's horrifying. When I start thinking that maybe I really don't have a problem, I look at this list and ask myself if someone that isn't struggling with alcohol would have such a list. There are things on that list that just scream PROBLEM!!!
Maybe in addition to quitting for a certain period of time, you could make a list like this and keep it handy for when you have these denial thoughts.
Just an idea...
If I compare myself to some others, I am not as "bad" as they are. However, if I compare myself to a different set of people, I could actually be worse. It's never good to compare yourself to others because that really doesn't give you a realistic view of yourself; it just gives you a comparison.
I really don't want to give up wine either. It makes me really sad, and I'm pretty bummed about it. I keep asking myself if this is really necessary. Do I really need to give it up, or can I just manage it?
So here's what I did. I made a list of the things I've done due to alcohol that don't make me proud, things that don't honor the best person I know I can be. By comparison to some other people my list might not seem so bad, but TO ME, it's horrifying. When I start thinking that maybe I really don't have a problem, I look at this list and ask myself if someone that isn't struggling with alcohol would have such a list. There are things on that list that just scream PROBLEM!!!
Maybe in addition to quitting for a certain period of time, you could make a list like this and keep it handy for when you have these denial thoughts.
Just an idea...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
About four or five months before I joined SR, I spent part of an evening or two surfing.
What did I find? People describing broken teeth, blood in urine, drinking in the morning and/or at work, divorce, DWI and the like. So I didn't join. Because I couldn't be as bad as "those people."
I was simply a garden variety stay-at-home alcoholic. Who couldn't string together more than a couple nights of sobriety. Whose health was impacted by my drinking. Who was planning days and weekends around drinking. How 'bout you?
I went sober on my own a couple months later and revisited SR a couple months after that. Suddenly, the stories seemed more relatable, the people more like me.
Did I cherry-pick the first time around because I'd not lost a job, not been arrested, not broken any bones, etc? Don't know. I think I was still chasing the illusion that I could moderate -- unlike "those people."
What I've learned from fellow journeyers on SR is that until we address our drinking problems, our "rock bottom" is always a step away. Somewhere down the hill a little further.
From SRers, I've learned about the progressive nature of alcoholism. And if I could have traveled back in time five, ten, fifteen years and seen how the volume and frequency of my drinking would increase over time, I'd have been horrified. How 'bout you?
Ultimately, only you can decide whether you need to stop drinking. But beware the temptation to decide you don't have a problem because your problems don't seem as bad as those of others. Because there's a word missing there: "yet."
Wishing you well and hoping you stick around.
What did I find? People describing broken teeth, blood in urine, drinking in the morning and/or at work, divorce, DWI and the like. So I didn't join. Because I couldn't be as bad as "those people."
I was simply a garden variety stay-at-home alcoholic. Who couldn't string together more than a couple nights of sobriety. Whose health was impacted by my drinking. Who was planning days and weekends around drinking. How 'bout you?
I went sober on my own a couple months later and revisited SR a couple months after that. Suddenly, the stories seemed more relatable, the people more like me.
Did I cherry-pick the first time around because I'd not lost a job, not been arrested, not broken any bones, etc? Don't know. I think I was still chasing the illusion that I could moderate -- unlike "those people."
What I've learned from fellow journeyers on SR is that until we address our drinking problems, our "rock bottom" is always a step away. Somewhere down the hill a little further.
From SRers, I've learned about the progressive nature of alcoholism. And if I could have traveled back in time five, ten, fifteen years and seen how the volume and frequency of my drinking would increase over time, I'd have been horrified. How 'bout you?
Ultimately, only you can decide whether you need to stop drinking. But beware the temptation to decide you don't have a problem because your problems don't seem as bad as those of others. Because there's a word missing there: "yet."
Wishing you well and hoping you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
I did exactly what you're thinking of doing. Hundreds of times. A couple of days in, or a week, it got a bit tough and I'd think well, I won't buy a bottle of whisky, just some beers. That'll be alright.
I dunno, maybe you don't have a problem. But you came here.
Don't do it
I dunno, maybe you don't have a problem. But you came here.
Don't do it
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 39
Hang around. I'm sure you're right to some degree about not being as bad as many others. Truthfully I could still say that also but reading here over a couple of years has sure opened my mind to things. By that I mean the potential suffering and consequences I would've never concerned myself with until far too late. I don't post much but I never go many days without reading. I have found the testimonies posted here make me ever aware that I am fortunate to have lost little in comparison but also motivated to keep it that way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by secretchord
I'm going to be honest. I kind of want to walk away from this all and I'm beginning to regret coming here. I feel silly because I don't think I have a problem. I don't drink every day. And when I do drink I don't drink nearly as much as some people. I've had a couple bad incidences but nothing normal drinkers don't experience. I just need a new hobby.
Hmmmm... Totally your choice...good luck...
Be well
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
Thanks everyone. I'm sorry if I came off as rude. I just had to get those feelings off my chest. I hope that's okay. I'm having a lot of anxiety since I decided to quit. It's interesting that my anxiety seems worse now than before. Usually I'd just drink a glass of wine to take the edge off of it but I didn't today. I'm one of those people that if I can't have something I want it more, so not having wine is pure torture. lol I did get a bottle of alcohol free Cab but that doesn't quite do it for me. It's kind of like eating fat free cheese? Is it really cheese? lol
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
You didn't come off as rude at all, SC.
The first days are really hard. Sobriety gets easier.
I understand the alc-free Cab. In general, people with recovery experience tend to warn against alc-free -- it's awfully easy to slip into the real thing.
Try tastier new alternatives. My favorite is club soda with a splash of cranberry juice and twist of lime.
Or a chocolate malt.
The first days are really hard. Sobriety gets easier.
I understand the alc-free Cab. In general, people with recovery experience tend to warn against alc-free -- it's awfully easy to slip into the real thing.
Try tastier new alternatives. My favorite is club soda with a splash of cranberry juice and twist of lime.
Or a chocolate malt.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Oh, and I'm a Wisconsin native. Best cheese factory in the world is three miles outside my hometown.
Fat-free cheese just makes me want the real deal. Fortunately, I can moderate when it comes to cheese.
Fat-free cheese just makes me want the real deal. Fortunately, I can moderate when it comes to cheese.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Secretchord, many of us have had the same thoughts, its not how much you drink or whether your in the gutter or not. If drinking is causing you or home life a problem, then its a problem. Well done on 3 days sober btw x
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