I messed it all up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 263
I messed it all up
I was a member before. My username was JerryFish, in case someone remembers.
My situation now is terrible. I've started drinking this morning. I have a beard, smell have the beer delivered, as well as pizzas. I feel horrible yet I keep going.
My situation was good. I had a counsellor. Help from family. I threw all that away. They wanted to help but I didn't accept it. All I wanted was to drink.
I have been sober for a few weeks and it was wonderful. I want that again. I just can't resist the beer.
I'm hoping for a new start tomorrow. It's getting scary. I'm sometimes waking up feeling so sick that it feels like I'm close to something serious. And I want to live a happy life, not die a drunk at 34.
I have no idea what to do. Which makes me my call for help!
My situation now is terrible. I've started drinking this morning. I have a beard, smell have the beer delivered, as well as pizzas. I feel horrible yet I keep going.
My situation was good. I had a counsellor. Help from family. I threw all that away. They wanted to help but I didn't accept it. All I wanted was to drink.
I have been sober for a few weeks and it was wonderful. I want that again. I just can't resist the beer.
I'm hoping for a new start tomorrow. It's getting scary. I'm sometimes waking up feeling so sick that it feels like I'm close to something serious. And I want to live a happy life, not die a drunk at 34.
I have no idea what to do. Which makes me my call for help!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Ben0090 
I have no idea what to do. Which makes me my call for help!
Take action and do it now, because things will get worse even if that doesn't seem possible.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
I agree with everyone else form a plan and stop. My downfall was beer and pizza too, loved em both. Fortunately you don't have to give up the pizza! But do please give up the beer.
I know how it is, the cold anxiety relief provided in a can. But the aftermath is horrible. Think about how much it affects us if we can't simply just stop drinking this liquid!
I quit by just taking it one day at a time, start today, don't worry about drinking tomorrow until tomorrow happens. Focus on not drinking and just going to sleep, do that each day and soon enough you'll have weeks, then months, then years etc. Its tough but it can be done!
I know how it is, the cold anxiety relief provided in a can. But the aftermath is horrible. Think about how much it affects us if we can't simply just stop drinking this liquid!
I quit by just taking it one day at a time, start today, don't worry about drinking tomorrow until tomorrow happens. Focus on not drinking and just going to sleep, do that each day and soon enough you'll have weeks, then months, then years etc. Its tough but it can be done!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 263
My first hurdle is the terrible anxiety I get the day after. And the only solution is to get rid of it with beer. But the longer I'm doing this, the worse the morning-anxiety gets.
It's the idea to drink just one more day but to relieve the anxiety for that day. And deal with it tomorrow. That has been going on for a long while now and obviously doesn't work.
When I'm drinking, I don't feel anxiety. And it allows me to think "Just quit tomorrow. You're far too scared. Just remember how you feel now. No fear."
But then you sober up and there's the anxiety again.
I know it gets less bad. In the couple of weeks that I didn't drink, it went away. But it's gotten to a point where it's so heavy that I can't take it and drink to get rid of it. And once the drinking has started, another day is lost.
So a first step for me would be to be able to handle the initial anxiety. What are good ways of doing so?
It's the idea to drink just one more day but to relieve the anxiety for that day. And deal with it tomorrow. That has been going on for a long while now and obviously doesn't work.
When I'm drinking, I don't feel anxiety. And it allows me to think "Just quit tomorrow. You're far too scared. Just remember how you feel now. No fear."
But then you sober up and there's the anxiety again.
I know it gets less bad. In the couple of weeks that I didn't drink, it went away. But it's gotten to a point where it's so heavy that I can't take it and drink to get rid of it. And once the drinking has started, another day is lost.
So a first step for me would be to be able to handle the initial anxiety. What are good ways of doing so?
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Originally Posted by Ben0090
So a first step for me would be to be able to handle the initial anxiety. What are good ways of doing so?
When I felt that it was impossible to quit drinking, I went to the hospital and they referred me to a no-cost detox program.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 464
Best way is to quit the alcohol. I know with my initial sobriety I had a good month of crippling anxiety that almost caused me to lose my job and my well-being.
Secondly and I stress this alot is go see a therapist or a counselor. Get into some type of recovery. Go into rehab if it feels like too much. Mostly see a doctor to make sure none of the withdrawal effects are going to cause any damage.
Thirdly, just know that it will get better. I for one am still experiencing anxiety here and there at almost 4 months but nothing compared to that first month of sobriety. I also did it without medication, which looking back I probably should have at least tried rehab longer than I did.
Ultimately though, you have to want to quit more than the desire to drink otherwise once the anxiety hits and it will hit, you'll just want to drink again. Don't get to my point though, where the panic attacks began to not be alleviated by alcohol and just came on regardless, so I had panic attacks and alcoholism, a very scary combination.
Secondly and I stress this alot is go see a therapist or a counselor. Get into some type of recovery. Go into rehab if it feels like too much. Mostly see a doctor to make sure none of the withdrawal effects are going to cause any damage.
Thirdly, just know that it will get better. I for one am still experiencing anxiety here and there at almost 4 months but nothing compared to that first month of sobriety. I also did it without medication, which looking back I probably should have at least tried rehab longer than I did.
Ultimately though, you have to want to quit more than the desire to drink otherwise once the anxiety hits and it will hit, you'll just want to drink again. Don't get to my point though, where the panic attacks began to not be alleviated by alcohol and just came on regardless, so I had panic attacks and alcoholism, a very scary combination.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 263
This is very helpful. Thank you all.
You know, the anxiety has gotten so bad, that on days that I can't drink just because I feel so miserable from the night before, I would stay in bed all day. It it truly crippling anxiety. Afraid to go to the bathroom even.
I'm setting my mind to the attitude of accepting the anxiety and still getting out of bed and go about my day. I used to have the attitude that since I felt miserable, I should stay in bed. That just makes it worse.
Time to give it another shot. And learn along the way.
You know, the anxiety has gotten so bad, that on days that I can't drink just because I feel so miserable from the night before, I would stay in bed all day. It it truly crippling anxiety. Afraid to go to the bathroom even.
I'm setting my mind to the attitude of accepting the anxiety and still getting out of bed and go about my day. I used to have the attitude that since I felt miserable, I should stay in bed. That just makes it worse.
Time to give it another shot. And learn along the way.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Ben0090
You know, the anxiety has gotten so bad, that on days that I can't drink just because I feel so miserable from the night before, I would stay in bed all day. It it truly crippling anxiety. Afraid to go to the bathroom even.
Id' still highly recommend seeing a doctor or drug/alcohol rehab counselor. The only solution is to stop drinking...period. But you may need medical assistance with that, withdrawal can be dangerous, especially once you have developed a physical dependance.
Bottom line, you can do this...but it will require action on your part.not just talk. Call your doctor or a counselor today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
You have our support Ben. Please don't give up.
Your post shakes me...I'm coming up on 10 months sober in a few weeks...But i could have written your post...Well with the exception of whiskey instead of beer.
And good lord...When the drinking in the morning starts...Well chaos/insanity reigns for me.
When i last drank 10 months ago...I had a VERY hazy/scary 5 day binge.
Stop today. Have you tried AA? It's helped me. Just having contact to a recovery program EVERY day has saved me numerous times.
We have your back. Stick around and talk to us. I understand. 100% (I'm 34 years old too btw!)
Your post shakes me...I'm coming up on 10 months sober in a few weeks...But i could have written your post...Well with the exception of whiskey instead of beer.
And good lord...When the drinking in the morning starts...Well chaos/insanity reigns for me.
When i last drank 10 months ago...I had a VERY hazy/scary 5 day binge.
Stop today. Have you tried AA? It's helped me. Just having contact to a recovery program EVERY day has saved me numerous times.
We have your back. Stick around and talk to us. I understand. 100% (I'm 34 years old too btw!)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi Jerry,
I merged your two accounts into the JerryFish account.
I'm glad you're back and I understand how difficult anxiety is to deal with.
I strongly recommend:
From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett
When Panic Attacks by David Burns MD
I merged your two accounts into the JerryFish account.
I'm glad you're back and I understand how difficult anxiety is to deal with.
I strongly recommend:
From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett
When Panic Attacks by David Burns MD
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Welcome back Ben. I'd recommend seeing a doctor or drug/alcohol counselor. Looking back at all of your old posts your situation today is not new and you've been in the same situation many times. Nothing will change until you take action. You may need to go to a detox or rehab center to get started and then move into a more structured recovery program, but at this point you need to be physically detoxed and that can probably only happen under medical supervison based on your inability to quit and take care of yourself. You could even go to the emergency room if you don't have a regular doctor to see.
Take action and do it now, because things will get worse even if that doesn't seem possible.
Take action and do it now, because things will get worse even if that doesn't seem possible.
Welcome back.
Resident Awesome Guy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Originally Posted by JerryFish
My first hurdle is the terrible anxiety I get the day after. And the only solution is to get rid of it with beer. But the longer I'm doing this, the worse the morning-anxiety gets.
It's the idea to drink just one more day but to relieve the anxiety for that day. And deal with it tomorrow. That has been going on for a long while now and obviously doesn't work.
When I'm drinking, I don't feel anxiety. And it allows me to think "Just quit tomorrow. You're far too scared. Just remember how you feel now. No fear."
But then you sober up and there's the anxiety again.
I know it gets less bad. In the couple of weeks that I didn't drink, it went away. But it's gotten to a point where it's so heavy that I can't take it and drink to get rid of it. And once the drinking has started, another day is lost.
So a first step for me would be to be able to handle the initial anxiety. What are good ways of doing so?
It's the idea to drink just one more day but to relieve the anxiety for that day. And deal with it tomorrow. That has been going on for a long while now and obviously doesn't work.
When I'm drinking, I don't feel anxiety. And it allows me to think "Just quit tomorrow. You're far too scared. Just remember how you feel now. No fear."
But then you sober up and there's the anxiety again.
I know it gets less bad. In the couple of weeks that I didn't drink, it went away. But it's gotten to a point where it's so heavy that I can't take it and drink to get rid of it. And once the drinking has started, another day is lost.
So a first step for me would be to be able to handle the initial anxiety. What are good ways of doing so?
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Jerry, look into mindful meditation. There are some good apps for your phone that can get you started. Mind space and calm are two I know. It's really helped me with anxiety. Just 10 minutes a day is all it takes to learn.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back Jerry!! 
Keep it simple Jerry, sometimes the one day at a time mantra really fits, we can't keep drinking because we feel anxiety, or life throws us situations, that's not a long term solution, alcohol is not the answer!!
You can do this!!
Keep it simple Jerry, sometimes the one day at a time mantra really fits, we can't keep drinking because we feel anxiety, or life throws us situations, that's not a long term solution, alcohol is not the answer!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
The alcohol is messing with your brain, and it is lying to you. I know how you feel. I had terrible anxiety and felt the impending doom. I even logically knew that it was the alcohol that was causing this. I knew the world was not going to end tomorrow, but I still had the feelings you describe. I eventually blocked off 3 days of my calendar and nursed myself back to health. I did this twice in my life. After the 2nd one, I said no more! . Its just not worth it. I still struggled on occasion, but never had to block 3 days off my calendar ever again. I remember you very well JerryFish, hang in there. Seek medical help if you can.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Of course we remember you, JerryFish! I'm glad you made it back, and I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. Don't give up! Your sober time wasn't wasted, you have learned something from it. You don't fail when you fall, just when you refuse to get back up.
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