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Old 10-26-2015, 06:42 AM
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Hey!

Excuse the massive essay coming your way

I came into recovery, and AA in August this year. I have a lot of support in place. I am managing well, back into some part time work, and enjoying rediscovering who I am.

I will be post this in another thread; Does anyone have experience of what AA's guidelines are, who it is best to speak to if I have a situation with this, what advice is given to newcomers as it's a bit of a grey area. I have worked out a few things myself. It is more for future ref for other newcomers and AA members.
What can I do to protect myself re some potential slanderous sharing from another newcomer?

I haven't shared yet in a meeting. I am using other methods with myself/higher power/sponser, listening and haven't felt ready to.

Although I haven't shared a lot with my sponser regards anyone else just about me, and now for this reason I am now going to be really careful what I say. I realised that sharing with anyone breaks anonymity 1 way or another. I don't think it is ok to say it is the way it is.
The amount of times I have heard already ''yellow card and all that but btw...'' I have even done it a couple of times myself in response to give a bit more information to understand the situation. Actually I don't want to do that or need to. I want to be an example. I have faith the situation can resolve by other means, no one actually needs to know anything. As long as I am honest and working to my higher intention. It also helps I have a higher power so naturally I less likely want to control the situation. Also I am not reliant, I don't need to be a victim or tell everyone my life story in 1 go or blame anyone else.

I have decided to keep it simple and focus on the work without breaking anyone's anonymity. You never know when a family member or anyone is going to walk into the rooms.
As it turns out a couple of things came back to me when I walked in because of an Ex Mum had shared about her son and myself. Secondly the Ex is now in the rooms. I don't really trust all of his motives hence the advice I am seeking. I have advised him and he has said he wont but he doesn't care.

I am prepared and have been take responsibility for my past mistakes, and this is all part of it. However this person is quite deluded, border line stalker and thinks they know me and actually they really don't and never did. Which why sometimes I worry a bit. I have handed it over.

(This is for my own personal info I don't share with others) that I also can see as I grow and become stronger how working with other self help methods like Nlp instead of sharing methods are helpful less reliant and do not breach anonymity. I need to have a programme and for this time AA is a really helpful tool. I feel blessed and greatful. There will be good and bad days, I enjoy a lot of it and work with what works and keep with the positives. The area of anonymity is something I feel quite strongly about and the serious side is that I may have to take action to protect myself. I am quite emotionally strong, however another person might not be. He is not going to the same meetings. I asked for several that he wont be going to.

Perhaps it takes a psychic change with other psychic changes and intention, self work to really abide to this, and a lot of people don't. I think the guidelines need to be clearer. It is pretty impossible for some to share without breaking some kind of anonymity.

I am at the start of my Journey and have a lot to learn. I am excited. Grateful to be here and sober.

Nice to meet you
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Old 10-26-2015, 06:49 AM
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Welcome EthicalResearch
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Old 10-26-2015, 06:52 AM
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Welcome Ethical and congrats on your newfound sobriety.

We do have a forum here specific to 12 step programs if you have specific questions you may want to c heck that out.

Regarding your question about sharing, I think perhaps you are making things a lot more complex than they need to be. If someone is breaking anonymity of things happening at meetings make sure to inform the meeting organizer and/or your sponsor. Regarding sharing, you only need to share what you feel comfortable sharing. If you feel pressured I'd talk with your sponsor or perhaps even find a different meeting to attend.
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Old 10-26-2015, 07:06 AM
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I have worded a lot, so I probably made it sound a bit hectic. Thank you. People say keep it simple and breach it anyway. This is why I am finding out the guidelines. I need evidence. It's from the meetings that 2 members are in with the same people visiting meetings I go to. I'm pretty sure 1 has shared with their sponsee who is a newcomer. I will keep on with my research. It's something I want to understand. It doesn't consume my thoughts. It is actually quite a big deal, it can have negative effects on someone else in recovery. Also in a private social media local meetings group only this morning, I noticed someone had just found out their partner had been having an affair with someone else in recovery. Which is awful for her and must be very emotionally distressing. She named both and broke their anonymity. So I was just wondering what kind of anonymous group AA is. Thanks for your response.
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Old 10-26-2015, 07:09 AM
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I have worked out all my meetings and alternatives, and if I bump into him 1 day I do. I know what I am doing with all of that, and yes I would bring up with sponser/group meeting if relevant.

Thaaanks!
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Old 10-26-2015, 07:18 AM
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The shares in AA should always be done with the knowledge that people are people and therefore not likely to keep anything private. There are no "disciplinary actions" for breaking anonymity or for gossip.

So, I kept my shares very general and no names. There is plenty of recovery discussion available and sharable without naming any specifics.

Some people are comfortable being an open book, some aren't.
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Old 10-26-2015, 08:05 AM
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I agree, I think that is the general vibe I'm getting. However I am concerned with 1 person picking and choosing their truth. Not respecting boundaries. May have been motivated to go into AA to win me back and not allow anyone else to have me etc etc. Which is never going to happen and I don't want to be with anyone for a long time. So I will be prepared to sue worst case scenario. Hopefully it wont come to that. I just need to make sure I'm strong enough. Thank you for your time
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Old 10-26-2015, 09:22 AM
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I must admit that I'm having trouble figuring out what the question is - maybe I just spent too long on step work with my sponsor this afternoon and my brain is bamboozled.

Anyway - it sounds like there are a few worries afoot. In that case. maybe a frank and private chat with your sponsor could be useful here. Especially if someone is behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe in the rooms - and 'stalkerish' behaviour sounds fairly anxiety making to me. That is not gossip (as long as you trust your sponsor not to repeat what you say to anyone else) it is safeguarding your sobriety.

Nobody is ever obliged to share at all. Anything.
I'd say that the Tradition 12 would be a good place to start on your research - as all AA meetings are based on the traditions, and tradition 12 concerns itself with anonymity.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_tradition12.pdf
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Old 10-26-2015, 11:13 AM
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There is a starter pack called "For the Newcomer" for every new AAer to read.
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Old 10-26-2015, 12:55 PM
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Welcome to the Forum EthicalResearch!!
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