Christylc83

Hi. I'm new here. This is my first time posting. I have been sober for 31 days. During the first few weeks of sobriety, I didn't know what to do with myself. Didn't have much going on. So I just kind of hung out. Didn't have much to talk about since I wasn't working or going out. The past few days though, I have started to feel pretty good. My energy level is up and I just got a job i really wanted to get. I feel more upbeat and like I said I have more energy than I have had in a while. My mood has improved somewhat, but I wouldn't say drastically. So I was shocked today to find out that my mother and father both think I've relapsed when I have not. They have every right to feel skeptical at times and to have trouble trusting me as I have lied in the past. I told them both I did not relapse but I understood there were times they were going to be suspicious and I apologized for having put them in a position where they even have to worry about it. The thing is, I asked my mom if there was something I'd done or if she had a reason to think I relapsed and all she could say was she just had a gut feeling. I'm having a little trouble dealing with the fact that she accused me of relapsing based on a feeling. I have no idea how or why she got that gut feeling and no idea when she might get one again. Has anyone dealt with anything similar to this. Any advice would be helpful.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, Christylc83! I'm glad you joined us. Someone here pointed out that our friends and family will learn to trust us again on their schedule, not necessarily ours. As you said, they've probably become leery over the years. All you can do it not let it get you down! Stay firm in your sobriety and eventually they'll come around.

Soberwolf

Welcome nice to meet you

Dropsie

Christy,

Parents are worriers, because we love you so much.

Sometimes we want the best for our children so badly that we have trouble believing it.

Hang in there, and good luck with the new job; it will only get better from here.

Berrybean

Perhaps it's them trying to protect themselves (protecting themselves from hurt and worry)

Did they got up their hopes before and were disappointed? I know that I don't like to risk that feeling of being let down, and trust can therefore seem like a high-risk operation. When I'm frightened or anxious I tend to try to control a situation - believing that you may already have relapsed might make them feel that the worst has already happened so they can now relax and forget about it.

Anyway - whatever the reason there may be little you can do to change it other than show them, over time, that you can do it.
I think a lot of us on here have had the same kind of reactions at first.

Carver

Yep, that sucks, especially when you've been working so hard and doing well.

But like you said yourself, you understand why they would think that (although just having a hunch is pretty unfair!)

All we can do is keep doing what we're doing. In time, they won't even think about it. As long as you stay sober.

You're doing really well. Congratulations on your new job!

InTheEnd

As a parent, I have "hunches" and/or feelings all the time about my almost 20 year old (though they may not be right!). Especially if something bad happened before, all the worry and doubts about that situation hang in our minds and sometimes we allow them grow into something they're not. I think parents, once a trust is violated, keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Only time will heal this and it sounds like you're doing well. They will come around - just keep fighting the good fight.

My daughter had some troubles in early 2014. Though she's back on track and doing wonderfully now......it took me much longer than her to let it go and move forward. It's been over a year now, and I'm much better at handling the emotions, but still have to talk myself down mentally sometimes from the crazy and realize the problem is mine this time, not hers. In the beginning, lots of mistrust and accusations towards her (this came for the purest place in my heart, love for her....but she didn't see it that way. Why would she? She was doing nothing wrong at this point), but I'm getting much better at dealing now! It's not right or fair....but it is what it is.

We (parents) only want the best for you and will always worry....and lots of our worry is made up in our head, at least for me, especially when it stems from a past issue. We just want you to have a wonderful life. I know it hurt my daughter when I would jump to conclusions, so I can only imagine how you feel but just give them time, and know they love you. It does work itself out usually.

Take care and stay strong!

sg1970

Hi Christy,

What matters the most is you didn't relapse. It takes time to regain trust after what most of us have done. Just keep focusing on recovery and a year from now this will seem like small beans. The best thing you could do is just let this go.

Saskia

Christy, welcome! Your parents' reaction is normal although difficult for you. With time as you stay sober they will may come around. You're focus needs to be you for now.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Christy!!

Fly N Buy

Welcome, glad you're here!

It simply takes time to rebuild trust, as others have posted. Keep working on your sobriety - it takes effort and doesn't simply happen. Changing the people we chill with and where we go is a big part of it.

Thanks for the post - keep up the good work!!

ccam1973

Welcome Christy. What matters is you didn't relapse. Keep going strong, and prove to your parents that your new actions are defining a new future for you.

We are creatures of habit. Your parents must have had a reason from your past to be suspicious. Is it fair, no... can you convince them that you are still not drinking and committed to keeping your life on track, absolutely.

You're doing great.

48heath

Welcome to SR Christy.

Congratulations on your sober time.

As an Alcoholic it took my family a long time to believe I was committed to staying sober.Probably the best part of 2years.They were used to me promising over and over again not to drink,then drinking again.

You know you are sober,that is all that matters.

Frank14

I would be extremely angry. You should be completely honest and tell them you need their support, not their suspicion. If you relapse (which is very common) you'll be honest and let them know. They should support you and celebrate your accomplishments. This really sucks. Sorry, but my father in-law had the same reaction towards me and told my wife that "he'll never get sober" and "they all relapse." However, at the end of the day you need to be proud of yourself and live with yourself. You're not doing if for anyone but yourself, so please don't let their suspicion be an excuse to relapse. Your AV is going to jump all over this and whisper in your ear, "They think you've relapsed anyway, so you might as well drink!" Eventually they will come around, so it will take some time. Anyways, 31 days if flipping huge! Great accomplishment. If you can go this many days you're well on your way.