countrygirl2014

I used to work 12 hours a day, raise my daughter by myself, get dinner on the table, get her to bed on time and find the next two hours to drink myself stupid. As I spiraled downward I became dependant on my boyfriend, lost my job and just got lazier and lazier. Then I got sober. I started school again, made Aa meetings, I had a 10 hour a week crap job. Now I have a new job, 20 plus hours with school and homework and daughter and arrrrrggghhhh!!! I can't manage all this!!! It seems like so much I really don't know how I ever functioned. I had to get that off my chest. Tomorrow I'm doing my fourth step, I've put it off long enough. Any suggestions on how to balance all this stuff? It's like real grown up life just smacked me in the face.

Jennifer

zerothehero

I recommend the book Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn. It's about Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. It's not an easy solution, but it helps me and a lot of other people.

Anna

Take small steps. You don't have to do everything at once. You used the word 'balance' and that's a key. For me, balance is the basis of my recovery and if things get out of balance, I pay the price.

Inchworm

Hi, Jennifer. I remember those days that you speak of in your post. Somehow we get through them. Meditation. Balance. The grace of God. And then the kids grow up and and I think it was all one huge miracle that we survived. Make your miracle, Jennifer.

bigsombrero

School, lots of work, plus caring for your daughter and meetings...you certainly have taken on quite a lot there! Is there anything you can do to lighten the load? You don't need to be superwoman here (unless you are auditioning for the job)! All the best, sorry to hear you're overwhelmed.

strategery

Have you thought about talking to your advisor about this? They may have some insight as to what you can do to lighten your load. If they don't have any options, you may need to prioritize what is important to you, or look for other solutions.

FLCamper

Jennifer, I'm a single Mom, too. My 5th grader has a learning disability so we have extra homework every night. I work a full time+ job that has some overnight travel.
My trick is to write things on a calendar so I don't worry about forgetting something: dues dates for homework, school picture day, projects, trips, birthdays, birthday parties, bills that are due, etc.
On Sundays, I plan dinners for the week - even if its just going to be ordering pizza.
The key for me, is to stay very organized and prepare what I can ahead of time. It alleviates any of that stressful scrambling around for last minute things.
And, I have time left to read on here, go to the gym and run every day.
(I will tell you that I don't watch TV - I don't have cable - which gives me a lot of time to work with)

sugarbear1

do steps 4 5 6 and 7.

Everything will fall into place!

Soberwolf

Berrybean

My advice would be to make yourself a timetable of what commitments get dealt with and when. It may be that it isn't possible to do all those things and something will have to be cut back a bit. Once you're got your list of things that need to be done (include relaxation time and general chores time in that as well - they're all part of life), chat to your AA sponsor about it (or another trusted friend), or a counsellor at college maybe. Sometimes we're so close to a problem that it's hard to get any real perspective on how we could change things for the best.

I know you're probably sick of hearing this, but things DO get better. And Step 4 and 5 were pretty major turning points for me, and for others I know well. It was once I'd done those steps thoroughly that my own perspective started to shift. I lost a lot of my 'all or nothing' attitude for example. This means that when I sit down to do school (planning) work at home, I can just say to myself, "Okay, I'll do half an hour now. I won't be finished, but it's a start. I'll do the best I can." In the past I'd have thought that unless I was going to achieve something ground-breaking or get it ALL done , then it was all pointless. (I.e. "if it ain't perfect, f**k it."). I've also become less susceptible to my old people-pleasing tendencies and no longer live in fear of myself or my efforts being rejected of criticised, which means that as long as I've done my best I'm calmer about what had and hasn't got done. A lot of the time it wasn't the actual work itself that caused me issues and almost tipped me into a nervous breakdown, but more, my feelings surrounding getting the work done.

Take care Countrygirl. We're all only human, and can only do so much in any one day.

Spinach

Keep going and remember to breathe!
Stop to enjoy each thing and think how much your life has improved.
Maybe things have to be slimed down, but your building a future and your doing amazingly.
Perhaps if there is someone who praises you you should listen.
If there is no one to do it then praise yourself.
Sounds like your changing the world to me !
John.

countrygirl2014

This was very helpful, thank you!!

Jennifer

countrygirl2014

Sometimes, a hug is all u need. Ty SW

Jennifer

countrygirl2014

A lot of really great posts on here, Ty guys!!!

Jennifer

luvmygirls

Your post reminds me of a conversation I had with a therapist once. I told her about being the primary parent for 2 toddlers, working full-time, getting a masters degree, and running marathons...all while drinking alcoholically...and saying "I can't imagine how much more I'll be able to do when I'm sober!" She brought me down to earth and told me that I was probably trying to prove, to myself and others, that I was "fine" by being super high-achieving, and that need to prove myself might diminish when I stopped drinking. You've gotten some great advice here, so I'm sure it's only a matter of time until you get back on top of your game.

FreeOwl

Time and patience!! I often find myself overwhelmed - and life CAN seem 'unmanageable' even in sobriety. Perhaps that's just part of the way it is in the modern world. But, I feel a lot better, more at peace, more level with it all in sobriety.

Over time I think you'll see that there are cycles. There are periods of time in our lives that feel totally overwhelming. There are periods that feel calm and peaceful. There are times we're at ease and in balance, there are times we are crazy stressed-out. That's life.... it ebbs and it flows. It has ups and downs.

jryan19982

Just spit balling here, but maybe you werent doing such an amazing job while you were drinking. Maybe the drinking just blocked out you caring about the job you did and how you managed life.

That being said, stopping alcohol wreaks havoc on your brain because you go so use to drinking that your brain is going bonkers for the first few months of sobriety. Some days are great, some days suck, some days are just ok.

Itll get better with more sober time...

Ruby2

Hugs in solidarity. I can't add anything to the great advice here. I've found that I don't need to do everything. Today. I do what I can and forgive myself the rest.

Hang in there.

tomsteve

"Any suggestions on how to balance all this stuff? It's like real grown up life just smacked me in the face."

i remember asking my sponsor something similar exlecting some awesome, simple way.
he said,"ask your HP for guidance and practice living life on lifes terms one day at a time."
that really buggered me as i had a wee bit of an expectation of hearing something real awesome and simple.
now i can say that was awesome and simple. not always easy,tho.

countrygirl2014

I want to be financially independent again. School is a great way to do that. I don't want to do my original career as an electrician. The whole job was based in my issues with acceptance. I can no longer depend on my alcoholic boyfriend. I can't see me with him forever. So I've been in school, then I ran out of money so I needed the job. I refuse to ask him for money. And here I am, learning to balance everything.

Jennifer