Moving On From Harm Done
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Della, I agree. So many emotions - so hard to put into words.
Courage - thank you for a beautiful post. I feel as you do. My son is grown. I squandered so much time. When I finally tried to talk to him about my regrets, he claimed he had a challenging childhood, but very little of it was due to my drinking. A rather unsatisfactory response - and I wonder if he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I need to bring it up again - and your post reminded me to do so. Thank you.
Courage - thank you for a beautiful post. I feel as you do. My son is grown. I squandered so much time. When I finally tried to talk to him about my regrets, he claimed he had a challenging childhood, but very little of it was due to my drinking. A rather unsatisfactory response - and I wonder if he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I need to bring it up again - and your post reminded me to do so. Thank you.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Really is beautiful to read what you posted courage
.......... became willing to make amends - the rest is forever. The straight forward apology is certainly the start of step 9 with our loved ones the remainder being improved, loving relationships for the rest of our lives. .
My parents were both alcoholics. My mother died at 63 from pancreatic cancer as a direct result of drinking and smoking. She never believed she harmed anyone in her life I am quite certain - " A mother bear protecting her cubs" was a common theme I heard at times. More appropriately perhaps would have been "we eat our own".
My dad had many years of sobriety and told me one time he had attended some AA discovering the only amends he had to make were to his alcoholic wife. Not sure he heard the part about keep coming back.
I guess he forgot about showing up intoxicated at my HS baseball game and yelling at my coach. But, who remembers such trivial affairs.
Apparently my son does, as I repeated similar behavior 30 years later.
I have three adult children - your post is a reminder of the gift of redemption I have been presented. If there is one greater, I don't know what it could be.
I work on being present daily in their lives today - though one is far away. I have caused as yet unveiled harm in their beings I am sure, but will do all I can daily to rectify my own issues and perhaps as a by product make their lives marginally better. At least they can see change is possible.
All we can do is is not drink today and love each other - always.
Heartfelt, honest thread - helpful to many, thanks courage
.......... became willing to make amends - the rest is forever. The straight forward apology is certainly the start of step 9 with our loved ones the remainder being improved, loving relationships for the rest of our lives. .
My parents were both alcoholics. My mother died at 63 from pancreatic cancer as a direct result of drinking and smoking. She never believed she harmed anyone in her life I am quite certain - " A mother bear protecting her cubs" was a common theme I heard at times. More appropriately perhaps would have been "we eat our own".
My dad had many years of sobriety and told me one time he had attended some AA discovering the only amends he had to make were to his alcoholic wife. Not sure he heard the part about keep coming back.
I guess he forgot about showing up intoxicated at my HS baseball game and yelling at my coach. But, who remembers such trivial affairs.
Apparently my son does, as I repeated similar behavior 30 years later.
I have three adult children - your post is a reminder of the gift of redemption I have been presented. If there is one greater, I don't know what it could be.
I work on being present daily in their lives today - though one is far away. I have caused as yet unveiled harm in their beings I am sure, but will do all I can daily to rectify my own issues and perhaps as a by product make their lives marginally better. At least they can see change is possible.
All we can do is is not drink today and love each other - always.
Heartfelt, honest thread - helpful to many, thanks courage
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
I think speaking with your son the way you have is a wonderful thing to do. On one occasion a couple of years ago (I'm 50 next year) I tried to talk with my mother about the past, but she is just not capable of acknowledging it at all. She became very defensive and angry. My sister hasn't spoken to her for about 25 years, which I have always understood. I have a lot of respect for parents who can offer an apology. It says a lot about a person. My guess and hope for you is that it is truly significant to him. I think it will be :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
This thread has really touched me, Courage.
Though my relationship with my daughter is very good right now, I worry about the harm I may have done to her with my drinking. I guess the lessons to learn here are about self-forgiveness and doing everything we can do to make the present better than the past.
Hugs,
Delfin
Though my relationship with my daughter is very good right now, I worry about the harm I may have done to her with my drinking. I guess the lessons to learn here are about self-forgiveness and doing everything we can do to make the present better than the past.
Hugs,
Delfin
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