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Is there hope for my marriage?

Old 09-07-2004, 03:29 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Exclamation Is there hope for my marriage?

This is my first time to ever post anything to any "chat" group ever. I am very new, but in desperate need of some help or advice. I have been married for three years to my complete soul mate. I never new real love like this exisited. We are both in our late twenties and way passed the "party" age, but our beautiful relationship changes every time the weekend rolls around. When I met my husband we would go out every weekend with our groups of party (so called)friends and of course we had a blast. After a while we tried to move our lives in different ways. We are ready to grow up, and have a REAL life,..... house, children and family. But we are stuck in a terrible routine. More so my husband than me. I could leave this and never look back I feel lucky that for some reason drugs and alchol have not taken a grip on me like him. I try to comrpomise with him when he is sitting around bored on friday or saturday and say " okay we will go out but no drugs and we are home at 2:00am" (what happen to those days?) He promises and promises that this time will be different, And I so stupiddly believe him. The next thing you know it's 12:00 and hes looking for something other than alchol. And gets MADDDDD if he can't find anything. I can't stop him at this point. I have to let him do it or we will have a terrible fight ( I have learned the hard way)( but not physical) Once this process starts he keeps wanting to go go go till the next day and into the night and even if there are no more drugs to be bought or no more money to spend, he will drink anything around that he can find (FYI he dosen't even drink one beer EVER durring the week not after work or with dinner or friends EVER) He will go till he is delieriuos(sp) and sick and by this time mad because he is comming down so hard. And of course I have to take care of him every time. It is so shameful for me to look at my strong, gentle, loving, and devoted husband like this. Am I living a dream that some day this will stop? When he is finaly sober he sits for hours, even days saying how he wants a differnet life for me and for us. This man is a good man a traditional gentleman who pulls is weight even more sometime around the house, who wakes me up still almost every morning with kisses and snuggles who gets lost in my eyes as I do his, our love is truly sent from above. I am not trying to sound silly or childish here I just need some major advice. How do you help some one who only has a problem like this a couple of times a month. I love him more than anything but cannot continue to live like this.

Thank you for taking the time to read my long post!
hurtandconfused is offline  
Old 09-07-2004, 03:47 PM
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Location: western canada
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Hey gurl...

Welcome to Sober Recovery...

So.. sounds like you have a binge addict on your hands.

Unfortunately.. that is still an addict.... and it's progressive...
To top that... someone trying to be a controller of an addict is just as much in their disease as the addict. You might want to do a little research on the base disease of Codependancy to try to understand the dynamics of what's happening in your relationship with your guy.

There are no easy answers...

You can't deal with what you don't understand though.

This is the forum for friends and family of addicts... lots of useful info on there... and many in your position.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...splay.php?f=49

It's good your reaching out... cause a burden shared is much lighter... ;o)
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Old 09-07-2004, 04:09 PM
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Hello Hurt,
Welcome to SoberRecovery. Bikewench pretty much said it. His problem could keep progressing if he doesn't start working on it. You can't do it for him, but you can help yourself by finding a support group for yourself. Good luck and my prayers are with you.
Sandy
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Old 09-12-2004, 12:12 AM
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Confused
 
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Hurt and Confused myself

I have a similar story to yours, but I let mine progress to the point of complete misery. When my husband and I met in JR high we knew it was love then. We broke up and didn't date all thru HS. When we got back together he was a heavy pot smoker. So I tried it, having always been against drugs. We tried many things thru the years, we've been together almost 15 years. Then He hurt his back and can not ever work again, we finally had a child who has bipolar, etc. When problems became worse at home with our child, his father's death, etc. He turned to Meth. Then had a "friend" shoot him up. This is a place he swore he'd never go. I left him in MO and moved back to SD. He gave up the meth and followed. Assuring all was fine. And so I believed him. Thru the course of the 3 years here I have found synriges a couple of times (used for shooting up the pain pills), for it to all be explained away. Finally I decided this was nuts and it had gone to a point of no return. He is in rehab now. But now I have to live with all the lies and sneaking around and the pain that is here. He's been gone 10 days and I miss him terribly. I wish I could have forseen the future, but I promise based on reading your story, IT DOES AND WILL GET worse!
I am on this site now trying to get help for myself. I stopped all the drugs with him 3 years ago, but recently smoked a joint with him and am not very proud of myself. I don't have to have all that mess and don't get what his addiction is that he can not walk away as I have done. But am struggling with the trust and pain and having to balance everything while he is gone. It's not a pretty picture. You say this is your soul mate as I do with mine, so make him get help or he will ruin ya'lls life. It's never easy, but this way of life sucks sooo bad. Good lluck.
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