Day one
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Sterling Heights
Posts: 39
Finishing up day 10. Had a great sober Halloween with my family yesterday with very few cravings.
Today was a good day as well, a few thoughts creeping to wine while making dinner but those thoughts are starting to get pushed away more quickly now, almost robotically.
Honestly, alcohol doesn't even sound good to me right now, I just keep thinking about how horrible I've felt lately, it's all I can really associate with drinking right now, it hasn't even been making me feel good; shame, hangover, health issues, restless nights with a tongue like sagebrush, more shame, disconnected from my kids.
I'm good over here now, I don't have any desire to go back to it and I have no illusions that I can ever be a moderate drinker. I'm enjoying different moments with my new sober eyes, trying to deal with things head on instead of hiding them away behind an alcoholic fog. I'm much less irritable, almost back to my patient self, another thing the alcohol was taking away, my patience.
Right now, the cravings are more about, not sure how to describe...mechanics, habits at a certain time of day, if that makes any sense. When I come home from work now I grab a cold one but it's a san pellegrino aranciata, just for the mechanics of having something in my hand.
Other than those little whispers from my AV, which continue to get fainter by the day, I'm doing pretty good, just trying to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. My focus this week is going to be starting at the gym three nights this week and working some healthier foods into my diet. I've been eating what I want these past 10 days...but it's still better than what I was shoveling in when I was wasted. Not going to over do it, small steps.
Today was a good day as well, a few thoughts creeping to wine while making dinner but those thoughts are starting to get pushed away more quickly now, almost robotically.
Honestly, alcohol doesn't even sound good to me right now, I just keep thinking about how horrible I've felt lately, it's all I can really associate with drinking right now, it hasn't even been making me feel good; shame, hangover, health issues, restless nights with a tongue like sagebrush, more shame, disconnected from my kids.
I'm good over here now, I don't have any desire to go back to it and I have no illusions that I can ever be a moderate drinker. I'm enjoying different moments with my new sober eyes, trying to deal with things head on instead of hiding them away behind an alcoholic fog. I'm much less irritable, almost back to my patient self, another thing the alcohol was taking away, my patience.
Right now, the cravings are more about, not sure how to describe...mechanics, habits at a certain time of day, if that makes any sense. When I come home from work now I grab a cold one but it's a san pellegrino aranciata, just for the mechanics of having something in my hand.
Other than those little whispers from my AV, which continue to get fainter by the day, I'm doing pretty good, just trying to take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. My focus this week is going to be starting at the gym three nights this week and working some healthier foods into my diet. I've been eating what I want these past 10 days...but it's still better than what I was shoveling in when I was wasted. Not going to over do it, small steps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Sterling Heights
Posts: 39
Had a very good 11th day sober.
A few deviant thoughts on the way to my car after work, quickly pushed aside by my sober self. Cards still remain on the kitchen counter when I leave for work, the gold seal of protection against any wayward thoughts in these early days of sobriety.
Had a thought today about how my AV is going to go about trying to get me back where it wants me? I know it's coming and I want to be ready. In the past it has used my confidence against me, making me think I could drink in moderation, but those thoughts won't work on me now. So what will it be? Maybe my AV is working on something more subtle, more sinister. Luckily I have my friends at SR to come to for advice if that does happen.
At my worst which was last week and the months that preceded it, I was in such a self destructive frame of mind that I had accepted the thoughts I was having, that if I kept going down this road, I would only live a few more years at best. I'm ashamed when I think about that now, that I could have such weak, selfish thoughts...just 11 short days ago. Drinking alone, washing away my thoughts, pushing everything away until the morning when everything would come crashing back on me like a Tsunami; guilt, shame, anxiety, the works.
Right now, I'm doing pretty darned good. Here are just a few of the good things I have going right now:
*My thoughts are so much clearer
*My anxiety level is way down. Funny I used to say that anxiety is what made me drink, truth is my drinking was only exacerbating my anxiety
*I'm already feeling a better connection with my kids
*I'm more focused and less stressed at work
*I can look myself in the eye when I look in the mirror
*Sleep has never felt this good, good vivid dreams
*No hangovers, feel great most mornings
*Saving a lot of money by not buying alcohol and the garbage late night food that goes along with it
Have a great night all! As always thanks to all of my SR brothers and sisters for the constant, prompt, and heart felt advice and encouragement on these early days of my recovery! The best thing I did 11 days ago was google search "alcoholism boards"
A few deviant thoughts on the way to my car after work, quickly pushed aside by my sober self. Cards still remain on the kitchen counter when I leave for work, the gold seal of protection against any wayward thoughts in these early days of sobriety.
Had a thought today about how my AV is going to go about trying to get me back where it wants me? I know it's coming and I want to be ready. In the past it has used my confidence against me, making me think I could drink in moderation, but those thoughts won't work on me now. So what will it be? Maybe my AV is working on something more subtle, more sinister. Luckily I have my friends at SR to come to for advice if that does happen.
At my worst which was last week and the months that preceded it, I was in such a self destructive frame of mind that I had accepted the thoughts I was having, that if I kept going down this road, I would only live a few more years at best. I'm ashamed when I think about that now, that I could have such weak, selfish thoughts...just 11 short days ago. Drinking alone, washing away my thoughts, pushing everything away until the morning when everything would come crashing back on me like a Tsunami; guilt, shame, anxiety, the works.
Right now, I'm doing pretty darned good. Here are just a few of the good things I have going right now:
*My thoughts are so much clearer
*My anxiety level is way down. Funny I used to say that anxiety is what made me drink, truth is my drinking was only exacerbating my anxiety
*I'm already feeling a better connection with my kids
*I'm more focused and less stressed at work
*I can look myself in the eye when I look in the mirror
*Sleep has never felt this good, good vivid dreams
*No hangovers, feel great most mornings
*Saving a lot of money by not buying alcohol and the garbage late night food that goes along with it
Have a great night all! As always thanks to all of my SR brothers and sisters for the constant, prompt, and heart felt advice and encouragement on these early days of my recovery! The best thing I did 11 days ago was google search "alcoholism boards"
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
You sound good Dan. The exercise you mentioned will help too. I set certain goals in that area as my personal project.....a purposeful distraction from my former drinking project. If you enjoy that type thing the progress can be quite a motivator.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Sterling Heights
Posts: 39
Good day today but a bit tired
Had a really great day with my kids today, took them to the zoo and out for a nice lunch, had a root beer float, hadn't had one of those in an age.
The only small problem I had today was just being dog tired. I'm sure it's just my body repairing itself and adjusting to processing real food instead of a bunch of alcohol. I've been sleeping like crazy at night, 7 or 8 hours straight through which hasn't happened in years, but this morning and all day, just felt a little achy and like I needed a nap. I know what it is, I'm ok with it because I know it's part of the process, it's a small price to pay for all of the positives. Hope it's a little better tomorrow though I have 14 hours on my feet. That's easy though, I bulldozed through so many of those shifts SO hungover, that a little tired is nothing.
As far as cravings, it gets better every day, I've been shaking them off like a bad case of fleas the last few days. It helps that I have nothing but bad thoughts about drinking right now, I'm trying to keep that close to me. I have no romantic thoughts about alcohol to tempt me all that much, all I see is the lying scoundrel naked before me, unmasked.
The only small problem I had today was just being dog tired. I'm sure it's just my body repairing itself and adjusting to processing real food instead of a bunch of alcohol. I've been sleeping like crazy at night, 7 or 8 hours straight through which hasn't happened in years, but this morning and all day, just felt a little achy and like I needed a nap. I know what it is, I'm ok with it because I know it's part of the process, it's a small price to pay for all of the positives. Hope it's a little better tomorrow though I have 14 hours on my feet. That's easy though, I bulldozed through so many of those shifts SO hungover, that a little tired is nothing.
As far as cravings, it gets better every day, I've been shaking them off like a bad case of fleas the last few days. It helps that I have nothing but bad thoughts about drinking right now, I'm trying to keep that close to me. I have no romantic thoughts about alcohol to tempt me all that much, all I see is the lying scoundrel naked before me, unmasked.
I struggled with fatigue for the first few weeks and then with lethargy and foggy-brain for quite some time. The long-term benefits of sobriety were worth the temporary discomforts.
You are doing so well, Daniel. I find your posts very perceptive and insightful.
Onward to Day 14; hope your long day ahead goes well.
You are doing so well, Daniel. I find your posts very perceptive and insightful.
Onward to Day 14; hope your long day ahead goes well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Sterling Heights
Posts: 39
Lethargy & Foggy Brain
I struggled with fatigue for the first few weeks and then with lethargy and foggy-brain for quite some time. The long-term benefits of sobriety were worth the temporary discomforts.
You are doing so well, Daniel. I find your posts very perceptive and insightful.
Onward to Day 14; hope your long day ahead goes well.
You are doing so well, Daniel. I find your posts very perceptive and insightful.
Onward to Day 14; hope your long day ahead goes well.
Thanks as always to you and Mark for checking in on me each day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Sterling Heights
Posts: 39
Day 14 was uneventful, which is a good thing. Work kept me plenty busy as always, not too stressful of a day which is always nice. No cravings to speak of. One of the other managers wanted to go out for a beer after work, I politely declined. I would have went just to get a bite to eat and an iced tea, I wasn't worried about faltering, I just didn't have my credit cards or any money, so just came home.
Speaking of food. I have been absolutely starving the last few days, I know its part of it. I also have developed a sweet tooth as I'm not getting any sugar from alcohol now. I never had a taste for desserts too much while I was drinking.
When I was drinking, on a day like today I would go thirteen, fourteen hours at work with almost nothing to eat all day, then drink after work and eat garbage food right before passing out. Yuck.
I haven't been to the gym like I planned yet this week as I've been kind of exhausted the last few days, I'm going to drag myself there at least twice this week, even if it's for just a half hour on the tread mill. The important part is getting in the door and making it part of my routine. I know I'm going to enjoy getting back to it once I start.
Heading to bed shortly. Still woke up a little tired today but not quite as bad as yesterday, had a pretty good pep in my step at work today, just a little achy. I can definitely live with that.
Good night all, on to day 15.
Speaking of food. I have been absolutely starving the last few days, I know its part of it. I also have developed a sweet tooth as I'm not getting any sugar from alcohol now. I never had a taste for desserts too much while I was drinking.
When I was drinking, on a day like today I would go thirteen, fourteen hours at work with almost nothing to eat all day, then drink after work and eat garbage food right before passing out. Yuck.
I haven't been to the gym like I planned yet this week as I've been kind of exhausted the last few days, I'm going to drag myself there at least twice this week, even if it's for just a half hour on the tread mill. The important part is getting in the door and making it part of my routine. I know I'm going to enjoy getting back to it once I start.
Heading to bed shortly. Still woke up a little tired today but not quite as bad as yesterday, had a pretty good pep in my step at work today, just a little achy. I can definitely live with that.
Good night all, on to day 15.
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